My DH just got a really big bonus...and I feel sick with guilt.

[Hopethisnamechangehasworked]

Hi

I've name changed for this - I feel a bit embarrassed about the whole thing really.

I've just got of the phone to DH, who today was awarded a really really big bonus at work - 45% of his basic salary. He is (obviously) really pleased and excited and was talking about all the things that we can do with it.

I on the other hand got off the phone to him and just burst into tears. My sister and her DH have, for years and years, really struggled with money and they are having a particularly bad time of it at the moment. I just feel so guilty that things are easy for me and DH financially, when my poor sister and DH spends most of her time feeling sick with worry about how they are going to afford the next gas bill etc.

I help my sister out when I can, but I don't earn anywhere near as much as my DH, and don't have as much as him to spare. I feel really sad that she and her DH can't afford to spend anything on treats for themselves (eg they won't be entering the Olympics ballot as they wouldn't be able to afford tickets even though they would really love to go) when DH and I can.

It's a really tricky situation, and the whole imbalance/injustice really really upsets me.

Sorry, you probably all think I'm an ungrateful moron (hence the name change) but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I don't want to speak to anyone I know about my feelings.

It is a bit like whne models complain that they are too beautiful. Hard to sympathise really.

Do people really struggle nowadays with the gas bill? This is speaking as a single parent but most people get the basics covered in this day and age and pay monthly for utitilies, I would only struggle wrt fuel bill if I was extravagant with other things.

Sounds like a sizeable amount of a bonus so treat your sister to something with some of it.

Ruby

I dont see this is as stealth boasting, if it were OP would have used usual name surely?

I really dont beleive you burst into tears on hearing this news . If you really are so concerned about other peoples poverty ( and by the way not being able to attend the olympics doesnt equal poverty ) then why dont you do something about it ?

Theres many worthwhile agencys screaming out for volunteers , why not get in touch with your local homesless agency and volunteer some of your time , or your husbands cash . Why not adopt a starving child in some shit third world country ? That should ease your " guilt " a little.

OP managed to wedge her usual name into the thread, however

Where Eggy?

accidental name change fail at 19:57 and 19:59

Does your sister have children? If they are struggling financially they may not be able to save for the children's future, so could you perhaps explain that you'd like to add a sum of money to their CTF / premium bonds or whatever?

gah why did i post on this one

Two opinions from me:

1. Is this really the worst you have to worry about?

2. If you truly want to do something nice for, book yourself and her into a 5* hotel spa for the day and tell her you've got a voucher to use up from Christmas.

There's a lot of poverty and want in the world, people live hand to mouth without clean water let alone gas and electricity. If you have a guilty conscience, hand a wodge over to Oxfam/similar and let them spend it for you

Feel a bit sorry for your DH actually - all thrilled with his success and you're like this .

I'm another one feeling sorry for your DH.

A bonus of 45% of his salary no doubt comes at a heavy price. And I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, OP, only ever earning a paltry fraction of what my husband earns - wouldn't be very conducive to a sense of equality, imo.

Anyway.

You need to stop worrying about your sister not being able to afford to go to the Olympics. There are plenty of others in her shoes! If you're really concerned about treating her, then this thread has plenty of ideas - book a spa day etc - you don't need to patronise her by offering her cash.

Doesn't sound like she would want it anyway. Maybe they're a bit strapped for cash, but if theyre in a happy relationship, that counts for loads more, so I think your sympathy is misplaced.

The sharing bonuses thing is a bit odd, isn't it?

In our house a bonus is just 'ours' - no one says 'well, this is what I'm doing with my share,' it's more a case of finding something we agree on that benefits the whole family. (That wouldn't include my sis, btw).

Self indulgent springs to mind. Why not play Lady Bountiful and give your poor poverty stricken sister (after all not attending the Olympics is a very reliable indicator of poverty or so I've heard) some cash? If I was in your position I would feel no shred of guilt - if I was genuinely concerned about the financial situation of a family member I am certain my dh would have no hesitation in helping them out from his good fortune. Odd!