When your child is unpopular at school

[krepsly]

Has anyone any experience of having an "unpopular" child? My 12 year old son loves school and doesn't seem to care that almost everyone dislikes him. He's very academic and "geeky" and a little unorthadox/quirky and the other kids just rip the piss out of him, call him a nerd, gayboy etc. He does have a small group of friends and a few of the older kids like him but in general, the year 7s really dislike him. On his facebook page there are constantly negative comments from people (but to be fair, there are a few good comments too) but he genuinly doesn't care. He loves school, has 100% attendance and actually whinges if I have to take him out for dentist etc. He's involved in a number of school clubs and voluntarily stays back and has even gone in on saturdays to practice with the drama group.

How do I stop caring that he's unpopular though?? if he doesn't care, why should I??? I've just walked to shop with him and a group of kids he knew shouted of him and I heard one say "you fucking geek" in a really nasty way.

I keep thinking when he's older I think he'll be quite popular and I know he's going to get a good job with his brain (he's doing a GCSE at 12 this year) but I just hate hearing/seeing all these negative comments about him

The school say DS is fine, doing great and is popular with the kids that matter but its hard when more people dislike him than actually like him

Sounds like he has embraced the geek within.

Excellent.

You know what makes a nerd popular? Making 15 million a year and driving a maserati to the supermarket.

If he is happy, leave him too it.

I don't take idiots seriously, it isn't a front, there are vast swathes of people I just don't care about so their opinion of me is irrelevant.

Not everyone will be in 'floods of tears' because people don't like them, they simply don't give a shit.

Have noticed many kids who are totally themselves from early on and who cope with the flak, carry on doing their own thing and just do not care are the social leaders by Yr11 and Sixth form as everyone changes their opinion of what is "cool"

Any consolation my 10yr old son who could easily fit in being sporty, tall and goodlooking as has decided that he prefers to be odd and doesn't see why he should fit in with anybody to be cool and being called gay is OK cause it just means they don't "get" you.

So meet you back here in two years when your son is just cominginto his own for cake and consolation!

I can see my DS going the same way and I really, really hope he retains the inner strength that yours seems to have. I was a misfit teen, so was DS' dad and we are both (us parents) still 'wierd' but we have friends who we love and who love us the way we are. When I was a kid my parents did take the hand-wringing 'why don't you try to be like everyone else?' approach, which I am determined not to do with DS.

Your son sounds like all my best friends throughout school and throughout life. The most caring, long-lasting relationships I've ever had have been with people like that, who dare to be different and sort of laugh in the face of 'normality' and what is expected of them. Popularity, especially according to Facebook, is highly overrated. If, like you say, he's got friends who care for him, he'll go through the rest of his school life happy and then do his own thing and stick to the people and the ways that he enjoys. He does sound wonderful! If my kid is anything like that when they're born, I'll be so happy. Please don't worry.

He sounds very theatrical. I smell an Oscar win in 10 years time...

Just skim read previous posts, so apologies if x posting.

I think you need to give yourself a massive pat on the back for bringing up such a self assured and confident lad. He clearly knows who his friends are and has the confidence to just be himself. He'll go far!

I was unpopular at school. I got off to a bad start in primary and was very bossy and then it progressed to paranoia and anger. Nothing was done about it but I just got on with things and all through primary I had no friends. I was used to it and I didn't care. Eventually when I got to Secondary school people who never even knew me in primary school jumped on the bandwaggon and I was bullied constantly even thought I did nothing wrong. Sometimes it really got to me other times I was so used to it I didn't care...it was a mixed bag!

I only wish the teachers had done more, but they were completely useless. Also bullies are clever at hiding what they're doing and turning the tables on the victim.

Please make sure he IS happy. I pretended to my parents. They still don't know what I went through because I hid it from them as I assumed they'd punnish me and be ashamed. The only time they ever thought there was a problem was when I reacted to something and therefor it looked like it was me being difficult. I refused to leave school at the first opportunity because the few friends I did have, I was so afraid of losing that I was too insecure to get away from everything that was making me so unhappy. I couldn't tell my parents that though!

I have well and truly had the last laugh now though on so many, many levels! Definitely living a life they could only dream of and I am sure your son will be exactly the same.