deb I'm amazed that you can't see why your thread has attracted such hostility. As someone who dislikes man-bashing and letting women off the hook for bad behaviour as much as you profess to, I don't think sexual politics is influencing the respondents on this thread, but I do think it's influencing your approach, massively.
It was obvious from your original post that you have more sympathy for the man in this situation and apparently huge reserves of empathy for the OW, including your decision to post wholly unnecessary information about her physical appearance ("pretty , good figure etc") and her character ("Lovely person", "Chose not to press charges").
You then say that you believe your male friend to have been "honest" with his wife. Can you not see that his decision to stay put in the marital home and to keep telling his wife that he is in love with an OW but it's inconvenient for him to stand on his own two feet, is cruel?
Having an affair is not honest. No friend really knows what went on in their marriage, but one truth transcends all others. Having an affair as a response to marital difficulty is sure as hell the worst remedy to effect change and is in fact the behaviour of someone too weak (again) to stand on his own two feet and leave honourably, before meeting someone else.
What you also might be hearing is a load of post-affair rationalisation from him, with exaggerated tales about how awful his marriage was - so awful that he stayed in it all these years...
Of course his wife is furious. Quite apart from the fact that she is being treated cruelly by a man who won't give her space to lick her wounds, she is no doubt hugely angry that she was lied to and deceived for so long. If she's only a few months along from this and the situation is still not resolved, with daily reminders of her husbands "love" for another woman, her anger won't dissipate for some time.
If your male friend had an ounce of human compassion and sympathy for his wife, he would move out and let her grieve. If you were a really good friend to them both, you would urge him to do this from a humanitarian perspective rather than a selfish, financial standpoint and be there to challenge some of his delusions about his own behaviour and that of his OW's. If you were a good friend to his wife, you would let her rage and dissipate her anger, gently challenging her if her anger is solely directed at the OW and not her H. Yes, you should discourage her from sending angry missives to the OW, because that will damage her most of all, but you of all people should understand why she feels the way she does. She needs to discharge her perfectly righteous anger in ways that won't harm her, most of all.
It's really hard being a friend to a couple in the midst of a crisis like this, but IME it doesn't help if you try to sit on the fence and fail to challenge what is cruel and indefensible behaviour. In your shoes, I would wonder why you have had this reaction and whether you are more prepared to tolerate the indefensible in someone, just because he's a man?