Lost I really hope you will feel able to stick with this new thread, because although as I said on your last, it's understandable if you don't want a certain level of challenge at the moment, you are asking posters to invest quite a bit of time and emotional labour reading and replying to your posts, on this and other threads.
You know my views on men and women and the sexual politics, so I'm not going to re-hash them here, but suffice to say that although I think men and women are socialised differently and especially so in some national cultures or faiths, I refute the idea that men and women have different sex drives or that women should be expected to behave better than men. In fact within the current societal culture in the UK, there is plenty of evidence of married and single women wanting no-strings attached relationships, pursuing affairs with attached men, behaving pretty badly towards others and refusing to take responsibility for their actions and conversely, evidence of men having emotional but not sexual affairs (and it is the men putting the brakes on), developing infatuations and leaving their partners for a crush, or genuinely falling in love with someone other than their sanctioned partner.
Compartmentalising men and women into narrowly-defined boxes is unhelpful, in my view, because people are individuals and will often not behave according to the social constructs placed on them.
The nub of the issue on this thread seems to be whether in your H's case it really was a "sex-only affair" and a secondary issue is your counsellor's extraordinary pronouncement about this representing a "scratch" on your relationship.
From everything you have said on this and other threads, I don't think your H's affair was a sex-only relationship. I think that might be a comforter your H and you are bargaining on, in order to get past this, along with some dubious views about the core differences between men and women.
I am not saying that your H had deep and genuine feelings for this woman, but I suspect he was getting far more from this relationship than just the sex or the promise of it. To me, his affair sounds like the classic "feelings addiction" affair, where the lure of it was not just the sex, but being made to feel adored, respected, desired and valued by the OW. His addiction for a brief time was to the feelings she generated in him but not about her and in fact, the sex was merely a necessary by-product of all that, to keep those feelings coming.
It wouldn't surprise me in the least if your H told you that he might have happily conducted this affair without sex at all and it was the OW who was more insistent for sex to happen. Unfortunately, many women snort at this idea because they believe that men are primarily motivated by sex itself. Indeed, the OW may have fallen into this trap herself and might have teased him or sneered at him, if he'd said no to sex that was freely on offer. For some women, it is utterly inconceivable that a man will turn down the offer of "free sex" and because she defines her esteem by her desirability to men, she reacts very badly to sexual rejection.
So I think you'd be better off examining what else your H was getting out of this relationship other than the sex. I suspect the feelings the entire illicit enterprise generated in your H were higher up the motivational scale than lust and sex.
I'd say your counsellor is repeating the same discourse that I have documented here - that women find it easier to forgive sex, but harder to forgive emotions. I suspect if she had a couple in her room where the woman had enjoyed an emotional affair only, she would be describing that as a "scratch" to her husband...
It's what you believe that counts. For me, I wouldn't have even accepted that my H could have had a sex-only affair, because it would have been a total aberration to his character, the sexual politics he had espoused all his life and his general regard for and treatment of women.
I confess I find it a little odd that women are comforted by the idea that their Hs are attracted to casual relationships and are in some cases, using a woman for sex only, especially if he has been convincing an OW that real feelings existed. To my mind, it is never okay to treat an OW badly and it's a false bargain to approve of that.
I acknowledge it might be different if an OW had been similarly emotionally under-invested and both knew the score, but if that persona really doesn't fit with the values you thought your H had about sex, there's a disonnance that needs to be resolved between who you thought he was and the person he is in actuality.