Can I still be expected to go a 'friends' wedding after this?

[Roseflower]

I have had a group of 4 friends that we have all know each other for over 10 years.

Last year I got married and explained to the group I could not afford everyone as a bridesmaid and would have my sister and my best friend (from a seperate walk off life).

Last minute I did ask one of the girls from the group as we had always been a lot closer and she goes out her way to help me and has been the only one to pay any interest in dc at all.I knew it meant a lot to her.

Now another 'friend' from the group is getting married in a month. I am pregnant and told her about 2 months ago as I am getting really bad morning sickness and could not attend her hen do as it was some full on drinking and clubbing session. She was fine about it.

However She has since ignored all my messages but I saw her online last and explained how sick I was for past 2 months and how I had an awful weekend as had bleeding with baby.

She turned the conversation to her wedding and cheerfully told me how everyone in that group is her bridesmaid.Except me.

She thought it was fine as I hadn't asked her but I explained that I hadnt asked everyone, but one person from that group as I couldnt bear hurting 1 person by leaving them out. She then ignored me and I not heard a word since.

I feel awful. I been housebound for 2 months with awful sickness and not barely a text from anyone in that group let alone anyone visiting me. Instead they have all been meeting up together for months to plan the wedding together.

It is humiliating. I had no idea all this time, no-one thought to tell me. Though I found it odd I was the only one out of the group to get a mass facebook invite.

I cannot believe when I am having a hard time not only do I get no support but it seems I am also kicked futher. I was terrified I was going to lose my baby at the weekend and now this. I feel so depressed.

I wasnt sure I could make it with my sickness but now how I be expected to sit there the only one not a bridesmaid, completly sidelined.

Can I really be expected to attend this wedding?

I think you are all soiunding v immature. I can't see that you have said anywhere that you want to be her bridesmaid because you like her and want to be there for her? You only seem to be annoyed because everyone but you is a bridesmaid. Yoiu need to get over it, sounds like you have much bigger things to worry about.

One of her hen do's?? how many hen do's do people have nowadays?? LOL Sounds to me like you're better off without them.

To be fair it doesn't have to be expensive to have bridesmaids - if it had been that important to have all of them you could have let them wear whatever and just got flowers or some such. But you didn't. I think your friend is entitled not to have you if you didn't have her as BM. I would shrug it off, put your upset down to pregnancy hormones and thank your stars you aren't wearing some horror of a dress! Not worth losing a friend over (weddings never are - all bridezillas revert to normal people a few months after).

What's so wrong about getting it on with an ex of yours?

Honestly, I think you're holding this woman to higher standards of behaviour than you hold yourself. It's ok for you to leave her out cos you're closer to someone else, but god forbid she leaves you out.

Its time to move on...but do look after yourself! You are right about stress and your baby. Try to put it behind you, get in contact with supportive people and surround yourself with calm,

Maybe when she is pregnant someday she will understand what you are going through right now. But just at this moment, her wedding is the most important thing in her life.

My best friend had 8 bridesmaids. All of them little girls, and she asked them because she knew how special it would be for them. She asked all the mums to buy the same inexpensive dress from a well known high street store and every parent was delighted to do so. It really was a lovely and thoughful thing for my friend to do.

just read the OP, but sorry, grow up!

I mistyped.He wasn't an ex at the time.

lemonstartree quite a few people are saying this but it might be worth cutting Roseflower so slack given what she is going through right now. Everyone is entitled to get things a little out of proportion when going through a stressful pregnancy, especially when there is such history between these two.

I mistyped.He wasn't an ex at the time.

And you still speak to her, invited her to your wedding, letting her upset you... why?

If someone did that to me at my graduation they would have to have a seriously good excuse - rohipnol or being taken advantage of when comatose from alcohol are literally the only too I can imagine - for me to continue to have a friendship with this person. Surely you are worth more respect than that? Get rid of her!

One a friendship desends into this there's usually no going back, I'm afraid. Seems like there is too much bad history so it may be best to back away from here. You may risk losing the friendship with the other girls too.

I guess the only reason I kept a 'friendship' is normally because she comes back months later saying how sorry she is and I guess I knew it would make too many problems not to accept her apology with mutal friends.

But now I have got to the stage in life where I have a brilliant DH, and wonderful DC, another on the way, strong family realtionships and small group of other good friends I have made outside this group to finally say enough is enough. .

Perhaps this incident has just been a blessing in disguise. It's time to move.

Thank you so much everyone for all your help.

Good luck Roseflower, I think it's the right decision.

Thank you. Weird how this thread ended up as one of the most theraputic things I have ever done :)

I think unless people have been pregnant they have no idea of how crap you feel when you are - not that that addresses your problem but they probably think you're ok and not bothered about seeing them...