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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

Am i being unfair?

36 replies

HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 13:16

Dp wants to buy himself the new XBOX - its £300! Our house needs quite alot of work doing to it and i have been working in a half finished kitchen with plaster hanging of the walls for almost 2 years now through lack of cash to finish it! we are in the process of getting a loan which once all debts are sorted will leave a few hundred - now he has TOLD me he is getting the new XBOX!!! would this make you cross too or am i being a miserable cow!

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compo · 26/10/2005 13:25

no, he's out of order

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doormat · 26/10/2005 13:26

no you are not being unfair at all
I would give dh incentive that to finish off work then get xbox

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LilacBump · 26/10/2005 13:30

no, he's pushing it there. tell him to wait a year when they will probably cost half the amount!

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munz · 26/10/2005 13:31

damn right it would, for a start if my DH said that it would be no we can't afford it/wait till it comes down in price/only if u can get it cheap - ie second hand from game, and on a condition I got something as well - but our house is all OK - so I think it's v unfair he has his toy whilst u're in the kitchen like that. with doormat.

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Bella23 · 26/10/2005 13:31

What is the earning ratio like? Does he bring home more money than you?

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 13:36

I have said that too doormat, we had a heated discussion about it at the weekend, and he just acted like a kid and had a right old strop! i know it sounds a little cliche but all the money i have to my name is spent on food shopping and the kids, why should he get £300 for an XBOX? not only that but my ds2's room has a built in cupboard that he cant use because it is FULL of games consoles that dp has had since he was young and all the games that came with them! - he has about 5 of them and each one had about a hundred plus games with it, my living room has a nice tv and tv stand and underneath - the older XBOX, a Game Cube, and a Playstation2!! and loads of game CD's all over it makes my living room look like a games room and i cant stand the thought of him going out and spending £300 to add to the collection! - Sorry to rant but its really really making me mad i have a feeling there isnt much i can do that will stop him i think i will just come home one day and it will be there!

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rickman · 26/10/2005 13:38

Message withdrawn

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doormat · 26/10/2005 13:39

didnt know that he had all that helenemjay
blimey i would be going nuts also

knowing the facts now I wouldnt get it
i would spend the money on yourself

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 13:39

No thats just it bella23 - i dont work, he works full time and he does work really hard, he has quite alot of pressure in his job so i can understand his desire for escapism, but i think with all the stuff he already has he could wait until it drops in price like lilacbump says - good idea by the way LB

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 13:44

Lol you read my mind rickman! - i have been very tempted to do that!

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LilacBump · 26/10/2005 13:47

i've sold some of DP's playstation 1 games to pay for a new playstation 2 game for him. he now hands me games he's finished or he's bored with and they go straight on amazon or ebay

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Bella23 · 26/10/2005 13:47

I think i am going to get lynched for this but here goes....

I kinda think that perhaps he deserves the Xbox seeing as he works full time and long hours.
If it was me I would say yes he can have it as long as we work out when and how we are going to get the house stuff sorted.

runs for cover......

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expatinscotland · 26/10/2005 13:48

I'd hire a plasterer now and pay him a deposit. That way, too bad, the cash is already spent.

He has a lot of pressure in his job . . .

So that's an excuse to act like a 10-year-old?

Don't think so.

I'd first tell him we needed to sell ALL the unused consoles and games on Ebay. If he refuses, then I'd hire the plasterer now and that would be that.

I'm continually amazed by the immaturity of some peoples' partners.

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munz · 26/10/2005 13:52

erm right ok here goes - over the past 6 years DH has had one of everyhting console wise but we have a rule (well two) one. the PS2 is never on the main TV if i'm in/up he goes into our bedroom. two, if he wants another 'toy' he sells/swops his old one - example he had an old xbox I got him for xmas and he swopped it and all games with his mate for a PS2 and games. he now wants the new x box but he know's he'll have to wait till the price comes down, and the PS2 will be going. he works FT as do I yes he can have luxurys but I don't see why I should suffer them on the tv as well.

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 13:55

You sound like me expatinscotland! its ok bella - i appreciate your opinion - i dont entirely disagree, i have tried to sit him down and say ok we finish the kitchen then you can have your XBOX but then he sulks and moans and i usually ignore it but im fed up with his childish behavior and so i told him off - hence the row at the weekend - to make things even worse he spends his life moaning at me about the state of the house - like im supposed to take care of all the decorating with 3 small kids and no money! ggrrrr

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expatinscotland · 26/10/2005 13:58

So he works long hours and has pressure at work? BFD! What do people expect when they have a family to support - a bed of roses?

I wouldn't put up w/that level of childishness, b/c I don't give it out, either, HE, but that's just me.

I'd get the old stuff on Ebay or just go ahead and book the plasterer.

If he wants to sulk and moan then just treat him as you would a child who behaves the same way - ignore it completely.

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Bella23 · 26/10/2005 14:00

ok well in that case I agree with Expat - tell him what is happening and let him sulk.

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 14:01

Well i cant always tell if its me being selfish but our youngest dd is 6 weeks old and i spend alot of time sitting around breastfeeding and so its nice to sit and watch tv while i do, if im not doing that i have ds1(5) and ds2(2.5) to contend with so by the time i get them two to bed and im ready for a cuppa and abit of crap on telly he states im unfair as he wants to play some new game he's got we have a tv upstairs - two infact but our living room telly is HUGE and so he likes to play on that one! so what im supposed to sit there and watch killer zombies all night with my tea and biscuits?

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expatinscotland · 26/10/2005 14:03

You're a better person than I am, HE, b/c I'd tell anyone like that that if I wanted another kid I'd have had one. And that would be through my solicitor after I'd had the locks changed on the door.

That's just plain bratty, IMO.

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munz · 26/10/2005 14:04

HE - that's the thing our tv downstairs is 32 inch all the gadgets - surround sound etc another 'toy' for DH (I don't understand it!) upstairs it's 21 inches. his choices are simple and it's been this way from the start - our sky is down stairs = my choice of tv, he wants to play playstaion he goes into our room - he'll grumble but if he don't go he don't wanna play it that much. or he waits till i'm asleep (occassionally he stays up at night if swopping shifts) then it comes down and he plays downstairs - but I don't care then. put ur foot down girl, he's def taking the mick imho. why should u be uncomfy upstairs watching tv whilst feeding?

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 14:04

He went bonkers recently when i suggested we get rid of all the crappy ole ones - he threw the biggest tantrum ever and squawked something along the lines of how they are all so old they will be collectors items one day, the have sentimental values blah blah blah..... he's never grown up past about 8 years old i dont think and i can see us having a really REALLY big row soon!!

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expatinscotland · 26/10/2005 14:06

Then I'd hire the plasterer and pay him a deposit and book a date for him to come in and finish the kitchen after you've got the money in hand. I seriously would.

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munz · 26/10/2005 14:06

i'd just sell them/give them away tbh. (at least put them in the attic).

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HelenEmjay · 26/10/2005 14:09

Well he does tend to stay up most nights til about 1 in the morning sometimes playing these games or on the internet, so its not like he doesnt get to play, but if dd is sleeping and the boys are in bed i use the oopurtunity to grab a nice quiet bath or shower and you can guarantee when i come down he will be sat there playing games and all i get is 'yeah i'll turn it off in a minute' most of the time that takes about half an hour or even an hour sometimes!!

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munz · 26/10/2005 14:12

erm well in that case i've been known to ahem use the switch off method lol. (if u want to avoid an arguement switch off the mains downstairs and back on - oops power cut) - quite crafty really - cos then I say oh well sky now. .

he does have ample time imo if he's up late to do it when u're asleep.

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