It's an unsolvable problem - Dh and his snoring and the massive impact it's having on my life

[Vaselino]

I have name changed for this....

Dh snores really badly. I just want to outline the impact this is having on me.

1. I am falling asleep at work
2. I have stopped going out as I am simply too tired, I just don't enjoy it
3. I am getting sick all the time and I've put on weight because I can't exercise properly. If I exercise properly, I just get exhausted so I get ill.
4. I can't drive long distances any more in case I fall asleep in the car

I fall asleep before my children every night now because it's the best way to get some sleep (at around 9pm). I seem to come into a light sleep from around midnight/1am when every snort of dh's wakes me up. It's not the snoring as much as the fact that he has very loud snorts every now and then and that's what wakes me up.

Dh and I argue about this constantly. I don't blame HIM but I do want him to do soemthing about it. He says I have to accept 50% of the problem is me because I'm a light sleeper.

He has been to the doctor and to a snoring expert all of whom have said there is nothing they can do until dh loses at least a stone of weight. He is trying (all be it in my mind not particularly hard) but very little is coming off.

He's just called me now to tell me he didn't wake up this morning (this doesn't surprise me - when he is snoring badly, the quality of his sleep is bad too so he tends to over compensate in the morning)...

but what the hell can I do? Ear plugs don't work. I can't catch up because I have the children to myself all weekend (dh works weekends) and I am permanently exhausted now. House is too small to sleep somewhere else. Dh now refuses to talk about it but this is because I know he is feeling bad but ffs, we need to do something (should also point out that dh is facing a potentially serious health concern too - not linked to this - so he's feeling under stress at the moment so losing weight and sorting this out are not at the top of his agenda)!

he needs to go back and demand help with the weight loss if that's the key to unlocking help with the snoring.

and for you, have you tried learning to sleep with white noise? my sil does.. it'll take a bit of getting used to but if you can then it'll probably cover up his snorts. there's an iphone ap with lots of different 'white noise' - you can use headphones or get a pillow with a speaker inside that plugs into your iphone/ipod.

Seek medical advice.

Tell it like it is. It's destroying your relationship and your life.

Get some help.

My husband is a great snorer - he used to move to another bedroom when he woke me up. I had zero tolerance - one peep and he was out. At that time we lived in Oxford - went to local GP, got referral to sleep clinic at JR found to have sleep apnoea (sp?) and then he was given a Res Med Snore Pump and problem solved. It is a bit like sleeping with a cyberman but he is at least a quiet cyberman. No question of having to lose weight either. Stick out for referral to sleep clinic and if necessary move to Oxford!

V

I am overweight and used to snore, got diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and now wear a mask and have a machine push air through it, no more snoring.

I've been told by my Respiratory physician that the Apnea would decrease as I lose weight but no guarantee.

DW and I used to get ver stressed about my snoring but now we both get fantastic sleep.

It isn't easy but it might be worth getting a referral to the local sleep clinic.

If he does get diagnosed then tell him to sleep somewhere else for the first few nights with Darth till he get's his head round wearing mask position etc....made a world of difference for me.

Happy to chat with your DH or you here if it helps.

R

You must prioritise sleeping separately, however you do it. With your DD, on a mattress on the floor, whatever.

I could have written this post! I end up sleeping in the spare room most nights, which DH is very miffed about. I explained to him that he wouldn't be happy having to do a day's work on no sleep if the roles were reversed.

I think he's worse when he's had a drink and he has 1 glass of something every night. I don't think I would be able to stop him doing that so the cycle continues.

I'd get the wax earplugs, but I don't think I'd hear the baby monitor if I was wearing them

I think that sleep clinics will see you even if you haven't lost weight, but they will need a GP referral. For example, I'm pretty sure that Papworth Sleep Clinic sees people regardless of weight. They also have an information line here so you could try ringing that and they might give you some advice on getting referred. I think it is important your dh is referred if he has sleep apnoea so please keep trying.

Did you mean 40 lengths a week or 400 lengths a week? Because 1 game of football + 40 lengths in a 25m pool per week is not a hell of a lot of exercise. Even if he's using a 50m pool, 40 lengths a week is not a hell of a lot of exercise. 400 lengths a week in a 25m pool is a reasonable amount of exercise. If he's doing 40 lengths + 1 game of football, it's not really surprising that he's not losing weight quickly.

I sound like a bitch :( I don't mean to. I really do take my hat off to him for trying to lose weight, but personally I think that he should aim to increase the amount he does (by, say, 10% per week) - it should increase the rate at which he loses weight and even if that in itself doesn't solve the snoring problem, it should at least get him over the hurdle of the doctor who refuses to act until he's shifted a stone.

My XP also snored terribly and we nearly broke up over it - then he went to the sleep clinic and was diagnosed with sleep apnoea and given a mask/pump. He had to pay for it as his condition wasn't bad enough to get it on his insurance (we are in Belgium) but honestly I can tell you that the effect was entirely miraculous and even though we broke up anyway over other things :D he now never sleeps without it because his quality of sleep is so much better and he is much less tired.

And he isn't overweight at all.

watches thread with interest

FFS the doctors need to see past his weight, can you see a different one.

Sleep apnoea is more common in the overweight, but not exclusively - my dad had it from his teens and was skinny. The GP needs to get this looked into asap as it can be fatal.

My dad has a CPAP machine and it has changed his life - and mum's, and mine and DH's as we were living with them when he was diagnosed!

You do say that he is about to give up alcohol for a month. Well alcohol is certainly going to be contributing to his snoring, and prohibiting his weight loss. He also needs to up the exercise too.

My OH snores really really badly too. He slept on the futon in the spare room for two years when our son was very little because I just couldn't function otherwise. We've tried the accupressure rings, spray from the doctor, nasal strips and so on but nothing helps. A friend of ours raves about a thing called Snorban (www.snorban.co.uk/), which apparently completely cured her husband's terrible snoring, but my OH won't try it because he gets a blocked nose quiet easily and is convinced that he wouldn't be able to breathe. It might be worth you looking into it if your GP isn't taking things seriously, but it does sound as if he needs a referral to a sleep clinic.

wax earplugs work extremely well and IME still allow your brain to recognise things like the alarm clock going off, so baby alarm should be OK (for whoever was asking).

But with major snoring, when it's 6" from your ear, they're no good - separate rooms is the only way. (Even so 2 of my children insist on using earplugs themselves now because DH's snoring reverberates round the house so badly...BestNameEver, I will look up your Goodnight Snoring Rings)

Snoring is the most infuriating thing in the world... can you afford to exchange your living room sofa for a decent sofabed to which DH can be banished?

There is some info here: www.bupa.co.uk/individuals/health-information/directory/s/hi-snoring

Bioears earplugs and sleeping with your head at the opposite end of bed from DH's, in the short term. Ban DH from bed if he's been drinking. I know with my DH that weight really does affect the snoring. But still push for referal from your GP.

I second the wax earplug route also. I have also resorted to industrial earmuffs ( available from B and Q) to deal with a noisy neighbour problem, but they were uncomfortable to wear in bed. Also not very alluring.

My father is a tremendously loud snorer - it has to be heard to be believed, reverberating through a four bedroom house, just as another poster said. He isn't overweight; had sleep apnoea. Parents went down the separate rooms route years ago.

He needs a referral to a sleep clinic. I suspect he's being fobbed off.

Very best of luck. Sleep deprivation is hellish.

I'm an extremely light sleeper , and DH snores . I have to wear ear plugs every night . Which ones do you use ? I use the Orange torpedo shaped ones . I do have to squeeze them flat , and wet them , and shove them really deep into my ears . Some nights I wake up in pain from them , but it does block most of the sound out . I also do a glass or red and pills. Not ideal , but I get to sleep .,

I did end up in a and e one morning from having one rip off so deep!

I would get medical management . Or take turns on the sofa , but that never worked for me . It is so stressful , and I really feel for you .

Please, please don't just deal with this by getting earplugs/sleeping separately etc.

Snoring is treated as funny a lot of the time - or just something that unfortunate wives have to put up with - but sleep apnoea is a very very serious problem which can have awful consequences.

Yes , 5 years of eat plugs and my hearing is so sensitive , I need the tv on no more than a four, and noise is uncomfortable . Do get medical management if you can .

OP, my Dp snores very badly too, I'd be crying with frustration some nights.
The Breathe Right strips help, as does a snoring spray from Boots (will have to come back to you on that one) and combined with these for me, life is better:

www.amazon.co.uk/Pairs-Howard-Leight-Laser-Plugs/dp/B0007XJOLG

They are simply brilliant.

HTH.

What solved it for me was getting a fan beside the bed, it's on all night and the white niose means I don't hear the snoring any more. I used to really struggle as earplugs hurt my ears and nose strips made no difference. I sleep well now after years of struggling.

I use the silicone earplugs you can get in Boots, they are a bit sticky and create slight suction to form a 'plug'. My sleep is so much better since I started using them.

I have a bedroom fan too, MarionCole - it does drown out most of the house-reverberating snoredom.

DH once went on school journey as a parent helper & shared a room with one of the teachers. This teacher took several pairs of shoes (it was a PGL trip ) & used all of them, every night, throwing them at DH one at a time when the volume got intolerable