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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what the HELL am i meant to do

32 replies

ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:04

been with him for 7 years, he has raised my kid since she was 18 months or so. she sees "this" as family. the relationship has become awful just awful the last year, maybe more. brief periods where i think oh its OK i can salvage this. yes i know its not all him, i AM hard to live with, im a grump and i dont have the same high standards of housekeeping that he does - i dont hoover every day, sometimes there is a tin of sweetcorn in the fridge that should have been thrown out 2 days earlier etc.

Ive been told tonight that im a whore, im useless, i will never "manage" without a man to support me, he feels sorry for the next "sap" i draw in to support me, blah blah blah.

i think im probably just ranting, there has been far more said than ive posted. wtf. i want to leave but the poor kid...meh...

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 00:15

Poor kid???

No way....she wil be far happier when you are!!
She will wvetually hear him call you these names, this is her example of 'relationships'

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:19

i know all that but faced with it AGAIN after one freakin' divorce doesn't really instill a sense of great mothering in a woman. never mind the fact that i would happily knife the twunt.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:20

and also like a lovesick 15 year old, hope that at some point surely the fuckin 46 year old man will get a grip. apparently that's not going to happen.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:21

am too old for all this :-/

OP posts:
Tortington · 22/03/2011 00:24

you're as bad as each other is the kid had to live with that tbh.

the kid deserves a decent homelife.

Stac2011 · 22/03/2011 00:27

so he's just decided after 7yrs your all these things? Think i'd rather leave and show my dd that its not alright to be treated like that.

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:27

excellent advice, many thanks.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:28

perhaps frequent AIBU and tell people that fruit shoots and happy meals are the work of the devil and will result in ASBO's and window smashing. rock on.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 00:29

Just go....you know the drill.

Why wait?

GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 00:30

What is it you want to hear??

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:31

bloody hell i wonder where you lot found your OH's. is there some website for perfect blokes that don't say a word wrong, never bug you, never insult you, never put a foot wrong? if so, please let me know. its called an ARGUMENT. people tend to say things in an argument that they dont actually mean but are said with the intention of being mean (hence argument not cosy conversation).

you ask for a bit of advice and instantly its LEAVE THE BASTARD! YOUR A TERRIBLE PARENT! that poor child. blah blah. i mean wtf.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 00:32

No love,YOU said in your op you want to leave!!!

Read what you wrote!

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:32

advice is what i asked for.

OP posts:
RCToday · 22/03/2011 00:35

My advice would be to leave for the sake of your DD

HTH

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:36

admit im being overly sensitive. i dont want to leave, id like to find SOME way of making it workable. cant really see it but the prospect of starting again is unbearable.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 00:37

Starting what again?

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:38

moved 300 miles away from home to be where i am now. all family are 300 miles away. very few friends as work from home. when i sit and think, notably with glass of wine, about going "home" it seems perfect and do-able (is that a word?) but tomorrow, will it seem so easy? no.

OP posts:
ChippingInMistressSteamMop · 22/03/2011 00:39

If you want to live with a man who calls you a whore and pities the poor sap who next takes you on... then that's up to you.

Not sure why you posted really - have you been drinking?

However, I am very sorry for your 'kid' - SHE deserves better than both of you.

Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:39

the whole thing. ive been divorced once already it was horrendous. silly fool that i am i thought this was "it" and here i am again. moving, new job, starting afresh, new furniture, everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:41

oh for goodness sake people say all kinds of things in heat of the moment arguments it doesn't define them as a particular type of person. im often suprised at the level of animosity that is displayed here. you pity my child? because my OH and I have had a row and i asked for a bit of advice my child should be pitied? WTF!

OP posts:
Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:43

this forum is so judgemental it is unreal. i could have posted on another thread about being battered and abused and every poster would have been sympathetic and full of information. nobody would have said "i pity your child". (living in a violent abusive environment) bizarre.

OP posts:
Original poster
ExeterisEasy · 22/03/2011 00:44

lesson learned. dont ask for advice here again. thanks to people that gave a reasonable response.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 00:46

Ok. He's called you a few names, get over it. You need to keep him happy and Hoover more!

fridakahlo · 22/03/2011 00:50

IMO being called a whore, even during the heat of an argument, is not a sign of a healthy relationship. But I do believe that if two people are willing to work on things (with external help) then they could move away from that kind of thing. The question is do they want to? Because if they don't, they are best apart.

GypsyMoth · 22/03/2011 07:48

Op what happened?

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