It's like car crash TV but I can't stop and it's making me so angry

[JenMiley]

Brief run down - DP and I broke up a few weeks ago. He moved out. Relationship had more or less broken down months before that but it kept hanging on like a frayed piece of string until finally it snapped. So he moved out but we said we'd stay together but live seperately. That didn't work because once he moved out he didn't bother to contact me at al unless it was about money. I had it out with him and we both agreed it wasn't going to work so we'd just stay as friends. He told me he just wasn't in the right frame of mind for a relationship and he wanted to be single. He SPECIFICALLY said he wasn't going to go looking for anyone else.

Within a week of him moving out, I went to log onto facebook and it automatically logged me into his (as he'd used it on my pc). Morbid curiosity took over and I looked in his messages to see he'd immediately began sending messages to a girl from work. Now this girl is mid 20s, very nice (I've spoken to her) and has just come back from travelling. She sent him a message saying she was getting everyone's numbers from work. He sent her his complete with lots of kisses . I also know that he then went out and bought her a rabbit greetings card (professional hand made from ebay) PLUS a signed rabbit painting PLUS a £30 frame as a birthday pressie. This pissed me off because he would never spend a penny on me and at Christmas got me to agree to a deal where we didn't buy anything for each other as money was tight but all the time we were together he never bought me a thing and to rub salt in the wound even more, rabbits were always an interest him and me shared.

So anyway I let it go (had to really!we're officially not together anymore!) but since then I've had overwhelming urges to log into his facebook to check on his progress with this girl. There were no more messages after this initial convo but tonight he sent her a message asking if she was getting any of his texts as its not like her not to reply and he wants to take her birthday present around to her house. Obviously stalking the poor girl (who I think has actually got a boyfriend anyway!).

But I seem to be getting obsessed with it all and its making me so angry. I don't love him and I never want him back so why the morbid fastination with what he's upto??

Tonight I logged into his email account and saw that he's joined two dating sites. He's only been moved out of here for 3 weeks ffs. His profile states that honesty and good communication is the most important thing in a relationship - well that's him fucked then because he's shit at both.

I know I need to stop and its a massive invasion of privacy but it has all made me so angry. When we were together he disrespected me, constantly nagged for sex yet BLATENTLY didn't like me that much!! wouldn't spend so much as a fiver on me, lied to me constantly and I basically treated me like rubbish. Then he moves out and is desperately trying to hook the next poor fish. Why am I winding myself in such a way. I shouldn't be interested, I know but it's like a car crash. You don't want to look but ....

God this reminded me of something I did when I split with my ex many years ago. Was a dreadful time, and a dramatic break up, I left our home. I did, however, continue to call our house phone when I knew he was at work and enter the code to retrieve answer phone messages, for a few days at least. I knew no messages would be for me, every one I knew was aware I had left. I think I just wanted to hear women, any women, leaving messages for him, to content myself that i was right to leave and he would move on too quickly therefor never loved me enough to hurt or take time to heal.

There was one message, arranging a date, time and place. I think that was when I had enough, sloped off and licked my wounds. Sometimes you just need to *really, really hurt that bit deeper to strengthen your resolve, maybe it's masochistic, I don't know. I am mortified now, and was then, infact I had blocked it out until this thread. And, I wonder if we had mobiles and email then would I have gone as far as the op

Move on, tell him to change his passwords, then never contact him again. Question why you wanted to stay a couple, living apart, when you said the relationship was dead, over, rubbish?

And ditch the rabbits, they aren't cute past 10.

perfumed Think that's why I did it too, to confirm that leaving the relationship was the right thing. I found out that he was looking around ONE WEEK after we split, and barely weeks after that he had introduced someone to his family. Did I do the right thing? Absolutely!

Didn't love me enough, wasn't that important (which was why I questioned things in the first place) in his life. If I were ever in this position again (mistrustful) I would just split, insincerity/lies/deceit are the worst traits any human being can possess.

Spidookly - why does everything have to be 'because she's a woman' - that has fuck all to do with it. If a man did the exact same thing, in the exact same circumstances and felt the exact same thing as the OP does - I would feel exactly the same.

You think it's stalking/obsessive/hacking - many of us don't and many of us have/would do the same. FFS she did it for a very short while - it's not like she's been doing it for months on end.

How is it illegal when he's given her the passwords? Left himself logged in on her computer?