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Original poster

WWYD? Think might have made an arse of myself

47 replies

pollyblue · 19/03/2011 11:11

Have known someone about a year, a friend of hers suggested a couple of months ago that she was interested in me, hinting heavily that she is gay. We've had a vague "oh we'll go for a drink sometime" hanging about for a few weeks but nothing has happened yet. I am interested in her but very shy, so I thought I'd leave a small bunch of flowers on her doorstep as a gentle 'nudge', and to let her know that I really am interested. That was Tuesday - I've heard nothing from her, saw her yesterday and she said nothing about it, although we were with several other people for much of the time. But she's quite a confident, forthright person and I think she would have at least acknowledged she'd got them, even if she'd not said much else in front of the others. But I could tell from her demeanour she had got them.

No idea what to do now. Feel like I've really stuffed things up. If she'd said "for God's sake Polly, what were you thinking of?!" I would've taken it on the chin, but not knowing what she's thinking is horrible. Should I send a card saying sorry, flowers were a mistake or just let it lie?

I know this isn't much of a problem compared to some, but I really care about her and it's tying me in knots.

Advise anyone?

OP posts:
TheProvincialLady · 19/03/2011 11:14

Just let it lie. If she is interested and is a forthright sort of person, she'll let you know. But don't waste your energy worrying about the flowers. It was a nice thing to do, nothing offensive to apologise for.

overmydeadbody · 19/03/2011 11:14

No don't send a card.

Either just leave the ball in her court, or actually talk to her, say something like "did you get the flowers?" or actually just invite her out for a coffee/drink/whatever.

If you're too shy to do that, then just leave it. Did you leave a note with the flowers or just flowers?

squeakytoy · 19/03/2011 11:15

Did you put a note with the flowers? Does she know they are from you?

Do you have her number? Can you send her a text saying "wasnt sure about the flowers, hope you liked them, let me know if you are still interested in going for that drink then we can make a proper date for it Polly x"

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2011 11:20

Thanks Provincial, I thought it was a nice thing to do, but now I'm worried it's just given her the creeps....

I put a brief note on the flowers, stupidly realised later I hadn't put my name but i'm sure she would've recognised my writing.

No, I don't have her number otherwise I would text her. That's why I wondered about sending a card.

Haven't felt like this about someone in years, I'm very out of practice Confused

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 19/03/2011 11:23

Awww, I bet she didnt recognise your writing. Is she on facebook? Do you have a mutual friend who would have her number?

TheMonster · 19/03/2011 11:29

Personally, I think putting flowers on her doorstep is a little odd. It's verging on stalker-ish.

onehotmomma · 19/03/2011 12:01

No definately don't send a card. If it was me and I was really interested in her I would invite her out for a drink again (at least if she says no you will know where you stand) :)

YusMilady · 19/03/2011 12:51

I'd be freaked out to find flowers on my doorstep - and not in a good way. I think you should be totally open and clear with her and just ask her out as others have said. Just in case you've inadvertently given the impression that you're a psycho bit shy.

lusciousliz · 19/03/2011 12:53

you sound a bit stalkerish OP

why all the cloak and dagger?

sufficient · 19/03/2011 12:56

Aww Polly, I think it's sweet. If you didn't leave your name she might not have twigged, or not be that confident to approach you if she wasn't 100% sure. Just because she comes across as v outgoing, there might be some things she's more bashful about.

Good luck, hope you have a happy ending :)

picmaestress · 19/03/2011 13:04

If you didn't put your name on the flowers, then how could she possibly know they were from you? I reckon she has no idea.

I also think leaving someone a bunch of flowers anonymously is a bit of a weird message, if what you really think is 'I fancy you and would quite like a drink and a laugh with you'. The flowers were a bit serious.

I'd ring her and say in a lighthearted way 'do you know what, I feel like an idiot, because I left you some flowers, when really I should have just rung and said 'Do you fancy a drink next week'. If you turn it into something funny that could work.

Good luck ;)

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2011 13:45

Hi, thanks for the comments. I'm not stalker-ish, honest Grin though that has worried me, is that how it's come across? She's been the one suggesting we go out for a drink, not me, but she's not actually suggested anything definite, that's why I thought the flowers might be a nice nudge, if she was being a bit cautious with me, for whatever reason...

She's not on Facebook, and I don't have her phone number. We don't have any mutual friends, I'm on nodding terms with a couple of friends of hers, that's all.

Oh bugger. I am an arse aren't I?

OP posts:
YusMilady · 19/03/2011 13:47

Haha polly don't fret - you can still salvage this. Just be open & funny with her (like you are being on here) - you've got to risk a little rejection in order to get anywhere. Go for it; you'll be fine (but lay off the scary anonymous stuff OK?)

ginmakesitallok · 19/03/2011 13:51

Anyone remember the post from someone who'd been left a note on their wheely bin from some bloke saying that they wanted to meet them? Almost everyone thought this was wierd, some suggested she should phone police etc etc. I would definitely find it odd if a bunch of flowers with no name on arrived on my doorstep. You have been an arse.

wellwisher · 19/03/2011 13:52

I think it's creepy and stalky too, sorry :( especially as by the sound of things you don't even know her that well! I think you owe it to her to let her know it was you. How were you expecting her to respond to the flowers if you don't have each other's phone numbers?

When will you be seeing her again? I think you'll need to "own up" ASAP. I would be very uneasy if I'd found random flowers on my doorstep and actually wouldn't feel safe at home until I knew who'd left them. I hate the thought of someone creeping around outside!!

Lacuna · 19/03/2011 13:54

Probably not the best move ever but, as YusMilady says, still salvageable. I would go down the 'I feel like an idiot but would you like a drink?' route and see what happens.

I'd be a a bit freaked-out by flowers on the doorstep but even more freaked-out if no-one ever owned up...

Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2011 14:36

She has my phone number, I just haven't got hers.

I'll see her end of next week, we go to the same college.

YusMilady, thanks for that. Have made big mental note - anonymous=scary and weird. I realise now I've just made too many assumptions, mainly she would recognise my writing and not be freaked out!

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 19/03/2011 14:48

And thanks for everyone's suggestions on how to sort this out, do appreciate it.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 26/03/2011 15:32

Bit of an update and more advice needed please! God I am hopeless. As I feel so bad about the flowers, I did in the end post her a brief letter to say sorry. I haven't got either an email or mobile number so felt it was that or nothing, and didn't want to leave it a week until i was able to speak to her. So posted a letter Monday, kept it cheerful - v sorry, I'm an idiot, feel free to kick my shins next time you see me, would love to go for a drink sometime and drinks on me all night for being an arse.

Saw her yesterday at college, she said nothing about the letter. Didn't feel able to ask her if she'd got it as too many people around and didn't want to have to explain if she said no, what letter? But I've got to assume, I suppose, that she did get it.

So after a few days feeling quite cheerful that at least I'd apologised, even if I have stuffed up any chance of a relationship, now I don't know if I have or not! I guess there's a chance the letter didn't arrive (thousands don't each year apparently).

So, what do i do now? I can't believe she wouldn't have at least acknowledged she'd got the letter. I have her landline phone number (she's in the phone book). Shall I ring and just ask her? At least then I know she's got my apology.

Might have to pop off to do some chores but will check back later.

Cringe.

OP posts:
Original poster
pollyblue · 26/03/2011 15:35

Should add that, the couple of times we did speak at college she was her usual friendly self, didn't give me the impression she thinks I'm a crazed loon to be avoided......Confused

OP posts:
AhhBisto · 26/03/2011 15:39

ok, three things -

First - is the person you're interested in definitely gay? I ask because in your OP you say "a friend of hers suggested a couple of months ago that she was interested in me, hinting heavily that she is gay." Do you know for sure that she is?

Second, no I wouldn't call now to follow up a letter that was to follow up some flowers. That's verging on stalker / desperate behaviour.

Last, even if she didn't know you sent the flowers, she does now, and she's had your letter. Can she really not bring herself to acknowledge either, and to either say thanks but not interested, or move things on a step? She doesn't sound like a very open and communicative person from what you've said here.

PortBlackSandwitch · 26/03/2011 15:39

I think she should have acknowledged you - bit rude not to.

She may be in a relationship she needs to sort out first - you never know Smile - hope it goes well for you.

PortBlackSandwitch · 26/03/2011 15:40

Just had one more thought - are you sure she is gay? Heavily hinting someone is might not mean they are....

PortBlackSandwitch · 26/03/2011 15:40

AhhBisto - x posts.

piratecat · 26/03/2011 15:43

oh god, did put your name this time?

difficult situation. you say everything was ok with you at college?

Maybe she isn't interested and has no idea how to approach this. it may be that you will have to approach it. I don't think i could carry on having normal chats with someone wondering if they had got the flowers/letter, it must be hard for her too, if she isn't interested.

think you're going to have to phone. i think. Confused

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