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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

At what point do you give up on your marriage?

33 replies

MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 22:52

I still love him but I don't think I can stand to live with him anymore.

He just let's me down all the time, lies to cover up mistakes, never does what he says he going to do. All sounds trivial but it's wearing me down to the point where I can't stand to look at him.

This afternoon he went shopping and took both our debit cards. He managed to enter the pin wrong on his and then on mine so now both our cards are frozen and the bank say it'll take 3 days to un freeze them. So we have no access to any money at all, I've got about £2 in my purse. It's like the final straw. He always fucks everything up!

I'm just so tired of it all. I feel like I just want to be on my own with my dc

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/03/2011 22:55

it sounds like he's nervous or on eggshells!!

does he know you feel this way about him?

everythingchangeseverything · 13/03/2011 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slartybartfast · 13/03/2011 22:57

does sound a bit trivial yes

bingethinker · 13/03/2011 22:58

Why did he take both cards? Have you checked what is in your account recently? just a thought.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 22:58

Yes he does know how I feel. Don't think he feels nervous. He has done a lot of things to hurt me and I keep forgiving him.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/03/2011 22:59

oh,and being on your own with dc is NOT some little cosy set up,believe me!! forget the fairytale,cos it doesnt exist!!

being a lone parent is hard work and you need to be very,very strong.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 23:00

He was going to get the shopping on my card but then locked it so tried his own and did the same with that.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 23:00

Ilovetiffiany, yes I know I was a lone parent for 5 years before I met dh

OP posts:
everythingchangeseverything · 13/03/2011 23:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slartybartfast · 13/03/2011 23:07

how would he have been able to use your card, assuming you are a female and he is a male? Shock wouldnt the cahsier have noticed ?

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 23:08

If you use the self check out nobody checks your card. You just put it in the reader and enter your pin

OP posts:
NotaMopsa · 13/03/2011 23:11

slarty i use dps all the time
my kids use mine

mamatomany · 13/03/2011 23:12

I regularly use DH's card, i mean daily and nobody bats an eyelid

NimpyWindowmash · 13/03/2011 23:13

Yes it does sound a bit trivial. What have you actually tried in order to improve your marriage? What else has he done to hurt you? Must be something big

slartybartfast · 13/03/2011 23:13
Shock

i am the only one that knows my number

back to the op though.
there must be more to it than that.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 23:16

It is something big and not something I think I can get past. There's loads of other things too like not sorting debts out when he said he would. It all builds up though to the point where I'm so tired of having to deal with his crap every day.

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 13/03/2011 23:22

its something that can be worked at though....has he had to stick by you when you have had difficulties??

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 13/03/2011 23:25

Yes he has, I have had pnd and he has helped me through it but it seems it was getting a bit too close to another person while I've been ill.

OP posts:
BetamaxBandit · 13/03/2011 23:25

Is your DH doing these things on purpose? Because this sounds exactly like the sort of thing my DH would do - but because he's dozy and disorganised not because he's intends to piss me off on purpose.

Original poster
MadMommaMemoo · 14/03/2011 11:19

I don't think having an EA with someone at work is just because he is dozy, I think its because he is a twat tbh.

OP posts:
zikes · 14/03/2011 15:37

It sounds like you're all out of respect and love for him, and for good reason.

Sassybeast · 14/03/2011 15:54

You give up on your marriage when you've been to counselling, both individually and together, when you've openly discussed all of the issues, when you've made plans to try and address them and when you've worked harder than you've ever worked on anything ever before. And if it isn't fixed after all that THEN you give up. An illness like PND changes the dynamics of a relationship so much and if there is anything worth working for, and there has been no violence or abuse, then you need to keep fighting for your family.

Smum99 · 14/03/2011 16:04

You have said you love him, it does mean there is something there - what are 3 great things about him?

LadyOfTheManor · 14/03/2011 16:19

You can always go into the bank and get cash out over the counter.

I took my dh's card the other day and the chip and pin thing in the post office blocked the pin Hmm. I rang the bank and they said put it in a cash point and you can re-set the pin from there.

I wouldn't like to come home to divorce papers because of that.

happiestblonde · 14/03/2011 16:35

DP and I have entirely separate finances but I still know his pin...