At what point do you give up on your marriage?

[MadMommaMemoo]

I still love him but I don't think I can stand to live with him anymore.

He just let's me down all the time, lies to cover up mistakes, never does what he says he going to do. All sounds trivial but it's wearing me down to the point where I can't stand to look at him.

This afternoon he went shopping and took both our debit cards. He managed to enter the pin wrong on his and then on mine so now both our cards are frozen and the bank say it'll take 3 days to un freeze them. So we have no access to any money at all, I've got about £2 in my purse. It's like the final straw. He always fucks everything up!

I'm just so tired of it all. I feel like I just want to be on my own with my dc

MMM - im not answering the big question here, but if you actually go into your bank branch, explain and ask to be 'id and v'd' (identificatio verification) they can give you cash to tide you over .....appreciate im not helping with the real issue though ....

IK, thats actually really helpful, nobody told me that!! I will go into the bank tomorrow thank you x

I think this may be a case of 'lack of communication'

My dh is so disorganised, forgets everything pin #, internet passwords (even his own email etc) he couldn't even organise his own shed!.

If you really love him & he keeps failing the every day daily task's you need to help him be a bit more organised (it's what we do mutually to make life easier) it can sometimes be inconvenient but realistically it can be made better with a wee bit of mutual understanding.

It sounds like you'r man is more than willing to help with things its just he gets everything wrong, you know this so. Maybe a wee bit more thought into what he has to do next & the implications of that will help things go more smoothly.

Even in my own day to day life, poor hubby forgets everything & i still have to balance that he cant manage money or nowt. He is a good man & tries very hard & that's what makes the difference.

When you say EA, is that 'emotional affair'?

Yes Zikes

I really sympathise MMM. If I'm reading you right, the bank card thing is just an example. You have to put up with this kind of thing every day, more than once - is that the case?

Welcome to my life. Here's a fun example - when DS and I arrived off a 20 hour flight in Jan, H picked us up at the airport, made it a few metres out onto the main road and we ran out of petrol. Sat there in exhaustion and filth for 40 mins while he went to get petrol. Got home to the burbs, he'd left the keys in the other car which was at the mechanics back in the city centre. I said, get the spare key that I hid in that pile of roof tiles like I told you and showed you at the time. Tiles had been taken away by landlord in my absence, under H's supervision, no memory of stashed key. So we had to go all the way back to the city to pick up the other keys. After a 20 hour journey, I emphasise.

All totally forgivable, of course, if it's a once off weird situation. But when it goes on and on and on every day, it becomes very difficult. So maybe I think I understand where you are coming from.

What is so much worse in my case is that my husband had an affair while I was away on that trip. Really struggling with the aftermath of that. What happened is that resentment at his failure to make a living, develop himself as a person, and his constant screwing up of even the tiniest thing made me so resentful I ended up turning into a bitch, not showing him any affection, terrible sex life. So, understandably feeling unloved, off he goes (NOT understandably).

I have posted about what is going on with me, take a look perhaps. But I'm sorry if I can't offer you any answers. I am really struggling to deal with the situation. There are reasons I sort of want to stick with him. But watch out very very much for this person he is getting close to at work. Given my experience, I would ask him outright if anything has already happened. If not, and you believe him, talk about avoiding it even if you think you might want to separate. It's best to make that decision (if it comes) without the rage and grief that an affair can cause.

lost I could have written your post! Holiday cottage in Cornwall, long drive, DH has no keys, night in hotel, DH goes home and fetches wrong set of keys etc etc.

MMM you are parenting him and it will kill your love and respect for him if he hasn't already done that with his EA.

I was in a similar marriage for 24 years and my extremely clever genius husband allowed me to run the home and do everything practical for him. I ended up so resentful and angry it was me that had the EMA, woke up to the situation, had much counselling and moved out.

Now he is running the house he remembers bin day, cooks lovely meals and sorts the laundry.
I was enabling him and destroying myself.

You need to step back and make him take responsibility if you want the dynamic to change. Unless he has learning difficulties he is capable of managing his life himself.

Would it help to go to Relate? or could you talk it through together?

LittleHouse, hope I'm not hijacking here, but sure it will be useful to MMM. Could you tell us a little more about your situation? When you left, did you feel that you still loved DH, despite your anger and resentment? I still feel that I do love my husband, though I am in the throes of massive confusion. Do you have children? I have a 5 yr old son who would be absolutely devastated if we were to break up, not least as DH and I would probably be living on different continents. I am looking for a counsellor but am sceptical as to whether can find a decent one here in South America!