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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stalker Jailed: She'd known him a MONTH

40 replies

LittleMissHissyFit · 10/03/2011 18:26

Telegraph story today.

www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/news/8370949/Spurned-lover-is-first-person-jailed-for-stalking-by-blog.html

Poor woman

OP posts:
LittleMissHissyFit · 10/03/2011 18:27

Guy's site is STILL up though!

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 10/03/2011 18:32

wow. I was able to find his blog very easily.

He's. erm. yes.

HecateTheCrone · 10/03/2011 18:34

He certainly sees himself as a victim, doesn't he?

Olessaty · 10/03/2011 19:08

Good. Having been harassed online by someone I had a brief relationship with (and called it off because he got drunk and angry and hit me), who was turning up at social events I discussed on sites, or at my house to drop off presents when he knew I'd be out, emailing all my friends his side of "the story", warning other men about me, trying to rekindle the relationship by persuasion, threat, isolation from friends/potential new dates, he even went as far as to start a new profile, befriend me and try to get me to talk about the relationship, then tried to convince me that perhaps I was reading the situation wrong. When I reported him for that, he made up an entire person, who was a friend using his wifi, and told the world how irrational and paranoid I was getting his friend blocked.

Then he got abusive when I cut off all contact and telling the world how wronged he was and how I was a liar. It's been over a year now and he still knows everything going on in my life and still tries to control what people think of me (in an oh so clever, reasonable sounding way) despite the fact that I have him blocked on all the websites.

Perhaps having this sort of consequence will make people think twice about this sort of behaviour, just because it's online doesn't make it any less threatening.

freshmint · 10/03/2011 19:13

have you reported him to the police olessaty?
visit from a copper might scare him off?

sounds horrible and stressful.

Olessaty · 10/03/2011 19:23

It probably wouldn't scare him off, he's not that kind of stalker, any attention encourages him. He is also very subtle, not like that guy who was blatant with it. Though he still keeps tabs on me, he's mostly in the background now dripping poison because I have been able to get away from his narcissistic abuse. He'll never know how afraid of him I am because I refuse to have any reaction to anything he does now, other than to report direct abuse to the authorities (be it the admin team, or the police if he ever gave me cause to feel my safety was threatened). The worst I get is him telling people stories about me and I figure that the important people know the truth, or him going to events he knows I go to in the knowledge that it either makes me uncomfortable or not attend.

He's moved on to other girls now (which means I only get a percentage of the focus rather than all of it), I think five in the year since we split, and almost every one had a negative experience like mine. Two have approached me to see if I had a similar experience actually.

AlistairSim · 10/03/2011 19:23

There's clearly something wrong with that chap, doesn't he realise that nobody
has to justify their reasons for not seeing him???

AlistairSim · 10/03/2011 19:24

Freaking hell, Olessaty, that's horrendous! Angry

Reality · 10/03/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeRobot · 10/03/2011 19:29

That would be a crying shame, Reality.

Olessaty · 10/03/2011 19:32

It wasn't nice in the thick of it, but I believe that your actions tell people all they need to know. I have refused to respond to any of it online or be sucked into his drama, he has shown that he is a repeat offender and puts it all up for anyone to see. There's only so much of that he gets away with, people know what happened to me, and people are getting smart to his clever abuse.

I can empathise with that women completely.

Olessaty · 10/03/2011 19:34

And reading that man's writing, it's making me feel sick... he's using clear abusive tactics to try and control her still.

CheerfulMe · 10/03/2011 19:49

God, that article, and his The End post, is just breathtaking. I honestly couldn't read more than a few paras of his abusive, deluded twaddle.
Nightmare! Horrible to think MNers have actually known people like this. It's scary how many arseholes there are out there...

LittleMissHissyFit · 10/03/2011 20:05

Sad thing is that this girl SAW the red flags, ended it and so it began a nightmare.

I suppose there could be some women that would fall for the whirlwind romance and god only knows where they'd end up. She'd never make it, would she?

OP posts:
antlerqueen · 11/03/2011 00:28

That guy... So a woman clearly has to have mental problems if she doesn't want to continue a relationship with him? Laughable..

There was recently another interesting story about stalking that showed just how inadequately these things are handled (in the US)

www.metafilter.com/101286/This-is-a-system-that-fails-the-responsible-and-the-innocent

sakura · 11/03/2011 00:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sakura · 11/03/2011 00:40

Wow, I'm going to get my last post deleted. I need to take some time out of MN I think.

Sorry for that.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 11/03/2011 01:46

The best hope is that this wanky waste of oxygen makes one suicide attempt too many and actually manages to kill himself. Fuckwits like him are never obliging enough to deliberately see it through and die and get out of your hair.
But there is a big cultural problem here in that everone is socialised to see unrequited love not as something that you just fucking suck up (Person doesn't love you, doesn't want to have sex with you, doesn't want to see your stupid moony face ever again) but something that you fight against. There is so much crap in fiction/films/soap operas along the lines of A 'falls in love' with B who is uninterested, married to someone else, maybe even horrible, but A persists and persists and makes all sorts of Huge Romantic Gestures until B caves in and accepts being loved. ANd this is seen as praiseworthy.
Everyone has the right to end a relationship or refuse to begin one. 'Love' is a choice people make, it's not some kind of alien possession of the brain.

Morloth · 11/03/2011 07:24

What a fucking nutter.

AlistairSim · 11/03/2011 07:32

Don't have it deleted, Sakura, you're right!

sakura · 11/03/2011 09:04

lol @ manages to kill himself

it's these nutters that make those films SGB, I'M sure

QuelleLeJeff · 11/03/2011 09:59

He is clearly very, very poorly in the head.

Voddy · 11/03/2011 10:16

Fucking hell, that blog is appalling, an absolutely terrifying glimpse into the mind of the worst kind of man. Entitled, deluded, aggressive, just generally fucked up beyond belief. That poor woman.

I actually wish I'd never read any of it, it is vile. How do these men become like this? I also hope he eventually manages to kill himself, what a waste of skin. Eeeurgh.

lambslettuce · 11/03/2011 10:22

Read The Gift of Fear. It's very empowering on the question of stalkers. Lots of MNers recommend it. Smile

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 11/03/2011 10:35

People like that are big on suicide attempts as another form of abuse ie frightening other people and wasting their time. But the attempts usually consist of stuff like taking three aspirins and calling it an overdose, or throwing themselves into a fishpond. Every now and then, though, you get lucky and the Big Gesture cocks up enough for them to die.

I must admit that reading that bloke's blog gave me the cold shivers as it was reminiscent of my stalker (much less serious issues and he has fucked off now anyway) - the naming and blaming of loads of different people, the deranged attention seeking and delusional worldview.

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