Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

is it normal for a man to have a "hardon" whiles his child is on his lap?

39 replies

luvmykids11 · 09/03/2011 21:20

well we are seperated because he was violent and sexualy abusing me.the last time he tried it my 4yr old was in the room and he jumped on the bed saying stop it daddy, i pushed him and run downstairs.he use to wank,watch gay porn and one day i was cooking dinner and he was in the living room with the kids,i came to tell him dinner was ready and he had a huge hard on with our child on his lap watching cbeebies.she had her clothes on and everything but this was strange to me.
is this normal?
i told him that he need help so he shd move out and get proffessional help before things get worse.i just couldnt trust him around me or the kids and i was geting depress.his dad told him not to move out so i spoke to a solicitor who told me to report his behaviour towards me to the police which i did so he moved out.hes been sending me abusive messages,(you are evil,you want to destroy my life,i never loved you,get out of my life,im glad we are getting divorce,etc).i had a termination because my 3yr old has a learning difficulties and i need time for her and the other two.he is telling friends that we are seperated because of that and that i am a cold blooded murderer.his friends have introduce him to a woman with three kids and one of them is in the same class as my four year old son in sch.he is lying to this woman and she may think am evil but they dnt know the whole truth about him.i think he needs help but he thinks am evil.sorry i had to let it all out.please advice.

OP posts:
Diablo82 · 09/03/2011 21:22

That is definately not normal!

MillsAndDoom · 09/03/2011 21:25

Agree not normal

Mamaz0n · 09/03/2011 21:27

No.
Most men would lose an erection in the company of a child.

it is not normal at all.

harecare · 09/03/2011 21:32

I think you need to have a quiet word with his new girlfriend. Be very careful how you word things so you don't seem like you're just out to get him, but if she has 3 kids and he is abusive she needs to know.
Or just speak to a professional? Which one, um don't know, maybe your GP?

perfumedlife · 09/03/2011 21:32

No, it's very far from being normal!

You are separated, so are you filing for divorce? He watches and wanks to gay porn? Hmm

How many children do you have? I don't think I would be allowing any access, certainly not unless it was very well supervised. Even then, the kids won't benefit from having an abuser in their lives.

BertieBotts · 09/03/2011 21:35

Men can get spontaneous erections, but a huge one and she was on his lap and he didn't appear uncomfortable at all? Confused That is extremely weird. And not in a neutral way either.

hmc · 09/03/2011 21:35

Welcome to mumsnet LuvmykidsII. Brave first post!

BluddyMoFo · 09/03/2011 21:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
luvmykids11 · 09/03/2011 21:42

PERUMEDLIFE:we have three kids and my solicitor has advice that he can only see the kids under supervision and about divorce,he is putn pressure on me for divorce which i will but i told him to get help then i will give him the divorce.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 09/03/2011 21:47

Perfectly normal to have an erection. What's inappropriate is that he didn't immediately remove the child.

NimpyWindowmash · 09/03/2011 21:49

wow, theres a lot of information to process here

nothing wrong with wanking
I'm not particularly bothered by him watching gay porn
um, probably wouldnt't be too happy about the hard on, but as an isolated incident, it's no big deal

so the problem really is that he was violent and sexualy abusive.
So sorry for you, it sounds like a painful and nasty situation. But I personally wouldn't get too bogged down about the hard on incident. If you can try and keep your dignity and avoid making any comments to the other woman, then I think that would be best.

Binfullofmaggotsonthe45 · 09/03/2011 21:54

Why would he need to get help before you grant him a divorce?

Just give him a divorce and get him out of your life.

Jaquelinehyde · 09/03/2011 22:00

What hmc said.

ADealingMummy · 09/03/2011 22:01

Also what hmc said.

cestlavielife · 09/03/2011 22:07

" told him to get help then i will give him the divorce." divorce him and get him out of your life - you not responsible for him .
supervised contact.

ballstoit · 09/03/2011 22:08

Why has your solicitor decided he can only have supervised contact? If you think he was abusing your children you have a duty to report it to social services and to ensure your children get the help they need. Otherwise he should be able to see his children.

Original poster
luvmykids11 · 09/03/2011 22:12

harecare:i wanted to tell her but i changed my mind as i dnt want to be involved with her.
Binfullofmaggotsonthe45:he needs to accept that it was his fault and not mine and get help.
NimpyWindowmash:there were other incidence i cant mention which happened btn him and family members that makes me more uncomfortable around him.i overheard him and his dad talking abt apologising to somebody,his dad told him he shd keepit a secret from me but i found the conversation on his msn.
thanks to you all

OP posts:
WinkyWinkola · 09/03/2011 22:12

Divorce him. Never let him near your children unsupervised. He sounds perverse. Attacking you in front of your 4 year old son? He needs a lot of therapy that one. Get rid of him.

hmc · 09/03/2011 22:13

Well Jacqueline and ADealing - we did try!

GypsyMoth · 09/03/2011 22:16

what more is there??

divorce him

Original poster
luvmykids11 · 09/03/2011 22:17

ballstiot:he is seing the kids under supervision am not stoping him.i was with him for six yrs i knw what ive been tru.

OP posts:
BigBoneyBum · 09/03/2011 22:18

Tricky.

I'd say that on balance, you need to get him out, and go to Social Services about his behaviour.

There's too much there that shows an abusive nature. There's no need to assume that he is, has or will abuse children, but he's clearly abused you.

Even though the erection could be a one-off, wanking in and of itself isn't necessarily a big deal, there's the attempt to abuse you in front of your four year old.

I think he really needs to go through Social Services and RAIS - Risk and Investigation Services - regarding the potential for sexual abuse towards children.

There's no need for hysteria, but there is a clear need for caution.

Check here for contact centres - you can refer yourself for free.

BlessedAssurance · 09/03/2011 22:18

OP, didn't you post this before? Give him the divorce and he won't be your problem.

BigBoneyBum · 09/03/2011 22:20

what is the supervision that you're using now?

ballstoit · 09/03/2011 22:23

What you've been through or what your children have been through?

They are seperate issues. If he's a risk to your children then you need to assume he's a risk to all children and report yoour concerns to social services. He may be being supervised while he's with your children but not with his new gf's DC.

Why do you want to stay married to him?