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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

is it normal for a man to have a "hardon" whiles his child is on his lap?

39 replies

luvmykids11 · 09/03/2011 21:20

well we are seperated because he was violent and sexualy abusing me.the last time he tried it my 4yr old was in the room and he jumped on the bed saying stop it daddy, i pushed him and run downstairs.he use to wank,watch gay porn and one day i was cooking dinner and he was in the living room with the kids,i came to tell him dinner was ready and he had a huge hard on with our child on his lap watching cbeebies.she had her clothes on and everything but this was strange to me.
is this normal?
i told him that he need help so he shd move out and get proffessional help before things get worse.i just couldnt trust him around me or the kids and i was geting depress.his dad told him not to move out so i spoke to a solicitor who told me to report his behaviour towards me to the police which i did so he moved out.hes been sending me abusive messages,(you are evil,you want to destroy my life,i never loved you,get out of my life,im glad we are getting divorce,etc).i had a termination because my 3yr old has a learning difficulties and i need time for her and the other two.he is telling friends that we are seperated because of that and that i am a cold blooded murderer.his friends have introduce him to a woman with three kids and one of them is in the same class as my four year old son in sch.he is lying to this woman and she may think am evil but they dnt know the whole truth about him.i think he needs help but he thinks am evil.sorry i had to let it all out.please advice.

OP posts:

garlicbutter · 09/03/2011 22:54

Your post is about a whole lot more than the title. It's not abnormal for a man to get an erection while cuddling his child or whatever - but a normal, healthy man would put the child off his lap as soon as it started.

Since this particular man is sexually abusive, in your own experience, and hasn't got 'normal' boundaries between his sexuality and children, then the signs are not good and I hope you get him right out of your family's life asap.

You could do worse than show the other mum this thread.

Original poster

luvmykids11 · 10/03/2011 07:47

hmc:i have suffered in silence for so long and just want to knw if that was normal. am not accusing him of anything but he abused me and tried it in frnt of our child,and other strange things.am confused if ive done the right thing or i have destroyed the family.he was my husband i care about him and wish he could get help.

OP posts:

HecateTheCrone · 10/03/2011 07:57

No. It's not normal. None of what you describe is.

What's also not normal is that you have to ask.

Clearly the situation really screwed you up. any sitation can become normal if you are in it long enough. I suggest you access therapy to process all this and work towards being in a place where you don't have to even ask whether keeping a small child on your lap when you have an erection is normal.

ScarlettWalking · 10/03/2011 08:15

Oh no. What a dreadful situation. I don't think he should be around any children to be honest. Who is supervising his contact?

RoundOrangeHead · 10/03/2011 08:18

again, what hmc said

Morloth · 10/03/2011 08:33

I think random erections do happen, but I know if this was DH, he would have removed the kid immediately and either left to room or put something else on his lap until it had gone away.

Just divorce him for God's sake. He is a grown man, he isn't your problem, your kids are your problem, if you think he is a child abuser you need to report him to SS so that they can check up on the children.

deepheat · 10/03/2011 13:42

Re the title of your thread: Random erections can happen a lot. For some men they are very common (embarrassingly so). They do not have to be triggered by anything sexual.

BUT.... Agree that it would be appropriate to put the kid down. And there really is so much else here that is wrong. Its actually slightly odd that the title focuses on what I would have thought is the most explicable behaviour you mentioned. Good luck.

ButterflyJane · 10/03/2011 17:53

Given the history of sexual abuse and violence that you described in your original post. I would be extremely concerned about his proximity to you, your children or any other female and children for that matter.

mathanxiety · 10/03/2011 18:06

You have absolutely done the right thing. Never doubt that. You did the right thing for you and the right thing for your children.

A violent man whose own child sprang to the defence of his mother is a man who would destroy the children in the end, and destroy you too.

Don't allow unsupervised contact.

Go to Women's Aid. Have you heard of the Freedom Programme?

You should read "Why Does He Do That? Inside The Minds Of Angry And Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft.

donnie · 10/03/2011 18:14

this should be interesting......

any bets?

GKlimt · 10/03/2011 18:20

No it's not normal And contact should be supervised IMO.

PeterAndreForPM · 10/03/2011 18:29

bets about what donnie...are you finding this funny or something ?

ambarth · 10/03/2011 19:56

Do not leave this man alone with children.

PeterAndreForPM · 10/03/2011 20:05

donnie...come on, what is odds-on ? dickhead

put your money where your mouth is

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