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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Why do women feel the need to cheat??

37 replies

notabadman · 09/03/2011 14:56

All I have ever done is work & provide for my family to keep my DP in the manner she has become accustomed to, I have never neglected my family duties and I get paid back with an affair?
Help :(

OP posts:

lubeybooby · 09/03/2011 14:59

Sorry you are going through this.

What has she said about it? Is she remorseful? Are you trying to work it out?

Just trying to figure out if she's just a bit of a cow or if there have been problems leading up to this.

TeeBee · 09/03/2011 15:00

Oh goodness, we need more information than that. How has your relationship been recently? Is she happy? Why do YOU think she has cheated?

ginnyjeans · 09/03/2011 15:01

Why does anyone cheat. It's not fair on the other party ever. Sorry you are going through that. Hope you can work things out.

Original poster

notabadman · 09/03/2011 15:03

Hey Lubeybooby,
I won't deny we have had our share of mutual grief, but I have never cheated, never been violent and always paid my (probably soon to be ex!)pretty lady the attention she deserved but it seems like that wasn't enough...while I was playing happy families, some other bloke was getting the jump SWOI !!!

OP posts:

Original poster

notabadman · 09/03/2011 15:05

Ladies, thank you for your input, but I'm gonna have to fetch the DD in just a sec...x

OP posts:

GollyHolightly · 09/03/2011 15:06

I'm sorry you're going through a rough time. Does she like being called a 'pretty lady'? seems a bit condescending to me which might have something to do with why she's not been happy?

lubeybooby · 09/03/2011 15:11

I doubt it golly that seems a perfectly reasonable compliment to me??

Notabadman what has she said though about why? What was the mutual grief?

I have to add you don't deserve a medal for not being violent, that should go without saying but from what you have said you have been attentive and a good family man etc. Maybe she thought the grass was greener in a stupid moment and now realises otherwise, maybe it's been a slow deterioration of your relationship, maybe she is just not a very nice person. Can't possibly say without more detail

Once again am sorry that you are going through this though.

CatPower · 09/03/2011 16:30

Do you honestly think a turn of phrase like "pretty lady" justifies an affair, Golly? Jeez, if this was a woman posting about her husband we'd all be "grr, what a creep, stay strong, you're well rid" etc. Always different when a man posts about his partner.

Notabadman - I hope you find the support and advice you need.

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 09/03/2011 16:33

Women cheat for the same reasons that men cheat, I think. Have you asked her?

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 09/03/2011 16:38

I agree with ChickensHaveNoEyebrows about women cheating for the same reasons as men.

You need to ask her to find out why she cheated.

What do you want? Do you want to try and save the relationship or is it over?

Mouseface · 09/03/2011 16:45

Definately need more info but in a nutshell.... what Chicken says.

Mouseface · 09/03/2011 16:45

s, clearly.

boxingHelena · 09/03/2011 16:48

singular , Mouse

giyadas · 09/03/2011 16:53

I'm inclined to just give a

Catpower - actually if this post had been written by a woman, half the men on mn would have already piled into point out only some men cheat, and that the OP is clearly a man-hater. Yes it is different when a man posts but not in the way you're suggesting.

PeterAndreForPM · 09/03/2011 16:56

what a shame, notabadman

getting cheated on is fucking shit

you may need to elaborate further on the "mutual grief" bit, though, for you to get more helpful support

btw, does she call you a "bad man" ?

CatPower · 09/03/2011 17:00

giyadas - can I just have a ? It's been a long, long day and my brain hurts.

Mouseface · 09/03/2011 17:01

Helena

giyadas · 09/03/2011 17:05

happy to oblige Catpower. Though you could probably take the OP's as well, it'll have gone soft by the time he returns.

Mouseface · 09/03/2011 17:06

'it'll have gone soft by the time he returns'

Smut on a Wednesday afternoon.

AmazingBouncingFerret · 09/03/2011 17:07

A biscuit should never be singular. They should only be eaten in multiples IMO.

notabadman. I'm sorry you are going through this. Who knows why your wife felt the need to cheat, has been behaving any differently lately? More secretive?
We need more info to go on really.

giyadas · 09/03/2011 17:08

I'll have worked my way up to proper filth by friday

Mouseface · 09/03/2011 17:16

Excellent.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 09/03/2011 18:09

@ Mouseface

BooyFuckingHoo · 09/03/2011 18:16

why do men feel the need to cheat?

ThistleDoNicely · 09/03/2011 18:23

I think women cheat for the same reasons as men - desire to feel wanted/attractive/etc, mismatched libido, particular desires which are not shared with partner, general unhappiness in relationship, feeling the grass may well be greener, drunken mistake, etc.

I think you need to ask your partner why SHE felt the need to cheat. Depending on the reason you may feel able to forgive and work in a future together, or decide to split. For you to get the answers you are looking for, you need to talk calmly with her though. Good luck.

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