Why do women feel the need to cheat??

[notabadman]

All I have ever done is work & provide for my family to keep my DP in the manner she has become accustomed to, I have never neglected my family duties and I get paid back with an affair?
Help :(

OP...you still around ?

Agree that women's reasons for infidelity are as many and varied as men's, but believe that women and men are socially conditioned differently, about their justifications for choosing to be unfaithful.

However, I don't imagine that you wanted that kind of answer OP and I'm sorry you're hurting. It's a horrible experience to live through and a terrible shock.

There is a lot of support and help available here, but as others have said, you'll need to give some more information. Until you return, can I reassure you that it might be nothing to do with your marriage and as straightforward and banal as that your wife wanted a sexual and romantic adventure with someone else. It is certainly not your fault and you are not responsible for your wife's poor choices.

notabadman sorry to hear you're going through this.

In answer to your question, lots of research shows that women generally cheat if they have been experiencing problems in their relationship and are unhappy - they tend to be drawn to someone offering the things they are not getting with their partner, be it someone listening to them, making them feel special, whatever. Men, on the other hand, are more likely to cheat if sex is on offer, whether their relationship is having problems or not.

I would say if you want to try and salvage something from this relationship, you need to talk talk talk about where it all started to go wrong, and what lead to the affair. I hope you get things sorted out ok.

I meant to say some men.

MooMooFarm actually, lots of women pretend to researchers and therapists that their relationships were unhappy and problematical, because unfortunately, it is less socially acceptable for women to say they simply fancied sex with someone else. Likewise, more unfaithful women than men, report falling in love with their affair partners.

Newer research indicates that these are entirely social constructs and defeat logic. Women are just as motivated by a new sexual and romantic adventure as men and don't need an "unhappiness clause" to be unfaithful, or have no-strings attached sex. Similarly, it isn't logical that men are inherently more loveable than women.

Infidelity always points to a particular person's individual vulnerability and choices. Often, there are relational factors or lifestyle/social vulnerabilities, but not always.

Thats interesting When. I'd love to know how the researchers can differentiate between who's pretending or not though??

On a personal level, I can honestly say I've not known one woman who's had an affair when she was happy in her relationship - I know of a few men who have though. I accept that's not much of a sample though!

It doesn't matter why someone cheats - it's always the cheater's decision to do so. If they were that unhappy in the relationship they could have ended it rather than look elsewhere.

Bertie I'm not justifying women having affairs, if it sounded that way.

Okay :) it did a bit. Thanks for clarifying :)

Some women cheat for the same reasons some men cheat although they often try to 'justify' it differently.

There really is no excuse for cheating though, if you have a problem in your relationship then try to sort it out if you can't then both invovled should split.

Sorry for you bad experience OP hope you can get over it, however remember all women are not the same so try not to let it affect your future relationships too much.

This might help I see it often here
Shes a bastard leave her

Being faithful to one partner for a lifetime is a big challenge. She could be dissatisfied by some aspect of your relationship, she could just be a bit loose and feckless, or there could be some other psychological reason that she has felt a need for someone else. No one on mumsnet will be able to tell you which it is. It need not be the end of your relationship though. There have been infidelities in my marriage (on both sides) and we are stronger now.

Dear all, after a brief spell away (due to work) I thought I had better cough the rest of the details...My once DW sat me down about a year ago and told me she had a kiss & cuddle with the guy I was suspicious of but assured me it was nothing more(ALL F**KING LIES!!)late last year I did some digging and confronted the OM and he coughed he had been SWOI with her for nearly 3 years
When I confronted the soon to be XW about this I got the blame for always being at work even though I was home every evening around 9ish and always made sure we spent weekends together (when she wasn't SWOI in a hotel room somewhere!!)
I have since moved out although the pain and the hatred still remain :( I hope this goes someway to explaining my situation
Oh, and apologies again for my sporadic attendance x