Warning signs

[BelleBelicious]

Following on from another poster's thread about alarm bells going off because a man says he only likes thin, beautiful women and that he admires the infamous wife-beater and coke-head Charlie Sheen, I wondered what other really obvious alarm bells you've come across.

For me (different men):

Telling me that his Nan had to move home, because it had blacked up too much where she lived. (That was a first and only date, ladies)

Going home to meet his parents (only child) and he was really, really rude to his mum.

Overdoing the compliments about how I looked (sadly that was a good few years ago now) and wanting to buy me designer dresses. (It sounds lovely, but alarm bells were going off all over the place and rightly so, as it turned out).

Further ones, that would preclude any sort of relationship:

Possessing a poster of Jordan
Thinking Jeremy Clarkson is a great bloke, who speaks for the common man
Reading the Daily Mail (OK, I'm a weedy liberal, but have no objection to the Torygraph)

Being tight with money for no good reason.

I am not tight, but not a spendthrift either. I rather like thrifty behaviour, but meaness - no

erm, going round to then boyfriend's house (I was very young at the time), about to ring the bell and the door opened, as his dad politely escorted a seriously rough-looking prostitute from the house 'lovely to meet you dear, I do hope you and X enjoyed yourselves'.

Neither boyfriend, nor his dad, nor his mum, saw anything weird about this situation! Not suprisingly we didn't last long after that. We kept in touch due to many mutual friends.

He's now engaged, with a small child, and still uses prostitutes. He also meets up with girls from the internet and has sex with them in carparks.

reckless still at least you found out young.

Seabright - I totally agree. Seriously tight people (not skint ones) are just mean.

Claiming to lurve you within days
Turning up unanounced

Swearing he's given up smoking. Me turning up to find him with a fag hanging out of his mouth. Telling me he "had to" lie about it because he didn't want to lose me.

Standing silently behind me while an obnoxious woman had a serious go at me - he was present at the event she said I was lying about - he could have backed me up? No, "I didn't want to cause a scene" and "you were handling it just fine".

Getting all huffy because I'd accepted his parents' invitation to Christmas dinner. I'd consulted him before accepting about a month before and he said "do what you think is best". I only found out he had wanted me to refuse when he did a massive silent strop in the car when we were just about to go into the parents' house for said dinner. But why didn't he say anything? Because he "assumed I would do the right thing".

Throwing huge wobbly because he heard from my sister that I had kissed a man at a party. Er, accepted a peck on the cheek from a colleague whose wife was standing next to us, not kissed as such, but he ranted at me about this so relentlessly that I eventually locked myself in the toilets for a good cry. (I was very young and green.) Excuse: he was upset because his father had been giving him a hard time at home. He was 35 at the time.

A few more fun incidents but life is brief... would you marry a man like this? I did.

Oh Annie. I'm a slow learner too. But I get there in the end.

History of financial fraud.

Multiple bankruptcies. IVAs etc

Will not see (or attempt to see) children of relationship/marriage.

Talks badly of any if their children.

If they have more one child - has a "golden child" who can "do no wrong" and other children who are "failures".

Poor personal hygiene.

(applies to males or females)

Nutty family - that's a big one. My mom warned me beforehand!!!

Oh - telling me that no man would refuse sex if offered to them (turns out neither could he!).

And never stay with a man who spends too much time looking at himself thinking he is 'seriously ridiculously good-looking' (in the words of Zoolander).

A guy who has no opinion. Or when asked if he had a nice day has this one and only response 'I can't remember'.

~ Hiding stuff: activities, possessions, money or friends.
~ Anything weird that doesn't instantly compute as harmless.
~ Turning up unnanounced.
~ Goes on blokey holidays to Thailand, Eastern Europe, etc, has used prostitutes when aged over 21, or regularly uses lapdancing joints.
~ Is rude to service staff or unkind to animals.
~ 'Jokey' comments about a woman's place and suchlike. Racism. Look-ism (know what you mean, BB!)
~ Rage, ranting, throwing things and sulking.

~ All the other things on the "Listen Up" thread!

I used to be overly tolerant, flexible, helpful, understanding. I was in high demand; it never occurred to me that this was because I was such a gift to madmen & abusers. I had pathetically weak boundaries.

Now I'm a stroppy, demanding old hag and have a heck of a lot more self-respect! I know the feeling of love is worth nothing without loving action. I am worth admiration, respect, honesty and kindness.

needed his best friends approval before asking me out.

having some of his friends stalk after me to make sure i wasn't two timing him.

called all women 'hookers' when speaking to his friends.

thought that if a girl didn't agree with him, he was being 'burnt'.

thinking that a couple should live away from his parents was disrespectful.

Being generally rude to me no respect

I agree being very rude to parents is a good sign of someones personality.

double standards

being possessive trying to clamp on, inviting himself to girls nights

Good stuff here. Shame I can't go back in time and use them.

I definitely agree with being rude to service staff/waiters/taxi drivers. WTF is that about?

Garlic. I also used to be amenable/nice/conforming - always wanted to think the best of people and be liked. Not quite a stroppy old hag now, but working on it and it's a lot more fun.

Garlicbutter I've not seen the 'up' thread can you possibly post a link to it?

TIA

oops. i did type listen dont know where it went?

listen up

Definitely more fun, BB

amberleaf - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/698029-Right-listen-up-everybody

The "Listen up" thread should be bumped about once a week!!!!! Honestly, it is one of the best things ever posted here.

Thanks Garlicbutter

Oh yes Amen to that thread!

hmmm where to begin....

telling me he had 3x3 kids (he now has 4x4) on xmas day after we'd been seeing eachother a few weeks. don't get me wrong i juts think its something to be upfront about!

men who say things like 'look, do you have a 'no blow jobs' policy or something?'

equally men who in a first date lean across the table in a bar and say 'so do you take it up the arse then?'

men who are heavily emotionally involved with their exes, years after the split, and get involved with their exes new partner. fgs

equally men who in a first date lean across the table in a bar and say 'so do you take it up the arse then?'

I really hope that didn't actually happen, but sadly, I think it probably did.

Can I add - men who send you a picture (unbidden) of their erect penis. Not a personal experience, but one of a friend on a dating website.

On first date, one guy told me he had been a member of the National Front but he was 'ok now'..... went to loo, called cab. drank coffee and left

chap i had a relationship with had 8 children and only initially admitted to the 3 he still had contact with, that was quite an interesting post coital chat!

Men who are disrespectful of their exes who have their children.....

Ending up in gay bars on every date without fail
Playing second fiddle to his playstation 3 (up to 12 hours a day on Call of Duty aged 33)
Refusing to have sex unless he was completely inebriated
His revelation he had't read a book and didn't like music

This is all the same ex, who wonders why his relationships don't last very long??!

Oh yes and cried about one of his exes on first date!

Thank got my dating days are over!