this man is not agood prospect is he?

[thirdeye]

been chatting to someone online.. and moved onto msn.

my man radar has been known to be out sometimes, so i thought id see what you all say.

Hes got two children aged 2 and 4. different mothers. he has one child alternate weekends.

He seems a bit obesesed with beautiful thin owomen and has made several derogatey comments about overweight women, or women who didnt try to be sexy, apparently his last girlfriend prefered leggings over stockings....

then he keep going on about how excellent charlie sheen is,and how he would like his lifestyle, all booze and 'beautiful women'
when i pointed out the latest charlie sheen rant yeaterday he said, yes, but hes only saying it, not doing it. its the sort of thing i would say to an ex ( the bit about cutting her throat)
but becuase hes not doing it, its ok.

i shouldnt talk to him again should i

im not fragile or sensitive. so fuck you.

What i am is a women who escaped her physically abusive husband. Who used to throw me downstairs. or hold me up against the wall my my throat. or throw plates or chairs at me. or kicked chairs out from underneath me when i was pregnant.
The list is endless. I am not weak becuase i left.
I am not fragile because i left.
a fragile person would have stayed thinking thats what they would have deserved.

That was along time ago, and im making the first steps into the dating world. to do something for me. The children are fine and happy. I have got over it all and want something fun.

My judgements are good, i just, understandbly have a small amount of self doubt.

I just wanted to check. Isnt this what the relationship thread is for.. people post ' my DP?ED?ExDH/mum/MIL/Sister did this... it makes me feel this, or is this ok, or how can i stop this'

It is not nice, and not fair or in the spirit of this topic to take the piss. if you want to be try to be funny, go hang round on chat or AIBU.

Yes honey, but I don't think they were taking the piss out of you, they were having a bit of a giggle about the other thread on yours. A minor hijackette, not a deliberate discourtesy. Let's face it, you're not a figure of fun, your dilemma isn't funny at all, but that ludicrous guy who wanted to date you, he was funny.

other thread????

i have no idea what they are talking about.
Sure im not the only one either.

And they guy, hes not even funny. just an idiot.

You know the answer to this one don't you?

Trust your man-radar and get rid. There are plenty of good men out there; don't ever compromise on something so important.

OP I hadn't read through the thread before, but just have. I'm sorry you've been through so much crap. You know you deserve better, so don't waste your time on men like this one.

i wont be.
I know it sounds daft, but i just needed reassurance that what i was thinking was correct.

Ive been through more crap that i care to say, but im not the only one and sure as hell wont be the last.

But thats all behind me now.

Thirdeye

I started another thread called 'warning signs', which has turned out to be a lot more light hearted than this one. Your thread got me thinking about the alarm bells I'd had with men, but I didn't want to hijack this thread, so I asked other people what warning signs they'd encountered early on in relationships. Have a look. It's not disrespectful or making fun of you - just carrying on the theme.

Sorry you got upset. The internet is a tricky beast - sometimes people misread how serious the issues are and maybe some of the regulars get comfortable with a level of piss taking and don't think that the poster might be feeling vulnerable.

I'm really glad you got out of your terrible relationship. And it was incredibly brave. I can understand how you need a bit of support getting back out there.

he is a twat. You are well rid.

The mere fact you have to ask tells you all you need to know.

thirdeye have you ever read anything about 'red flags' for new relationships? It might be worth printing a list off the web (seriously!), sticking it on the wall somewhere and checking off any potential partners you meet - just to keep you focused and to help you trust your instincts.

I'm not good at links but am putting one here www.theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/red-flags-for-abusive-relationships/

If that doesn't work (am a technophobe - sorry!) there's loads of articles about it if you just google it.