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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting relationship advice. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide.

Relationships

Do you and your other half have much quality time together?

41 replies

SPARKLER1 · 21/10/2005 09:55

I sat and thought about this yesterday and felt bad that I haven't given dh a lot of time since dds (6 and 3) were born. I guess it's just one of those things that happens when you have children. The girls demand all my time and attention in the day - having lots of my affection. When they are in bed I juzt want to be left alone and dh doesn't get much of a look in. I don't just mean "in the bedroom" so to speak but just time to sit and chat, kiss and cuddle.
We did have a weekend away alone a couple of months ago and it was really nice. We do go out together but it's usually with our friends and not alone. So that weekend was a one off.
Am I alone in feeling this way?

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SPARKLER1 · 21/10/2005 09:56

ooh there were a lot of ALONE'S in that one weren't there. Hmmmm? I'm not feeling lonely though.

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SPARKLER1 · 21/10/2005 10:00

I get a funny feeling that this sort of thread has been done lots of times?????

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compo · 21/10/2005 10:03

Not really. We spent a lot of time together with ds at the weekends. At night one of us is usually on the PC and the other is watching TV> But today ds is at nursery so I'm meeting him for lunch which I'm really looking forward to. We only have one babysitter (parents and in-laws live miles away) so don't like to abuse her so only go out on our own for speciall occasions like b/days and anniversaries

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SPARKLER1 · 21/10/2005 10:57

That's a nice idea meeting for lunch. I could do that one. DD1 is at school full time and dd2 goes two full days a week. Shall arrange to do that after the half term hols.

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Springchicken · 21/10/2005 11:04

Not really and when we do have time alone we don't utilise it properly.
We were meant to be going out tonight - DD is going to DB & SIL for the evening (they just asked to spend some time with her) so we thought we'd make the most of it and go out for dinner - and how inconsiderate, one of DP's friends girlfriends decided to have their baby, now DP wants to go out on Saturday night to wet the babies head and as if by magic, we are no longer going out this evening

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eidsvold · 21/10/2005 11:17

we don't get much - by the time the dds are in bed and we have had dinner we both usually veg out by going on the pc, watching tv, reading the paper, I do cross stitch. We have been doing a course together on a wednesday night and that has been good going out to that.

However for the first time really since dd2 was born ( she is 1 next month) we are going out to a dinner dance tomorrow night. Really looking forward to it. Then next week we are out to dinner for our anniversary - we did the family things last year and took dd1 out to tea too for our anniversary so it will be nice to be out alone.

We don't tend to miss it although we realise when we start to get snippy at each other that it is time out together that we need being people rather than parents iyswim.

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HellsTreef · 21/10/2005 11:29

This reply has been deleted

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DinoScareUs · 21/10/2005 11:32

I think it's still possible to spend quality time with your partner at home, isn't it? DH and I do spend at least one evening of the weekend listening to music, talking, having a drink, occasionally managing to do "other things" .

I think switching off the TV is a good start, really.

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troublesmummy · 21/10/2005 11:39

No we don't spend quality time together. By the time ds is in bed and i've done bottles, washing up etc its about 8.30pm, so i just veg in front of tv. Last night though dp and i played on the computer together, had a chat and a laugh. It was really funny and we laughed so much we woke ds up! Oops. Can't remember the last time we laughed together so really enjoyed it! Simple things hey

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Pagan · 21/10/2005 11:39

No and it really irks me. With 2 very young children it's only to be expected but I've really been feeling the lack of time together. My whole day (SAHM) looks forward to him coming home at night but I pin too much on that event and end up disappointed at the lack of conversation and communication. Right now we are on totally different planets with just the kids in common. I fear that once they have grown up we will have grown so far apart that we've nothing in common anymore. I try to be jovial and chatty and not look down or anything and all I'm met with is "what did you put in this stew, it's ruined the flavour"

Grrrrrrrrrrr! Cue for me to stomp off upstairs. He does come and give me a cuddle later but never ever apologises. He contradicts himself so often that I can't get a handle on him at all. All very trivial matters but they are the only things happening in my life right now.

Sorry, having a real bad day

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laligo · 21/10/2005 11:39

i don't know - i enjoy watching quality "appointment tv" (eg lost) with dp - it's a chance to be together, kiss and cuddle on sofa and we do talk and comment on the telly so we are relating to each other too. we spend evenings fitting in so much stuff that's done separately - cooking, chores, emailing, catching up with work, having a bath, phoning family etc - settling down to eat our dinner and watch telly together is great. we'd chat less to each other if we were out at the cinema, theatre, gig or even dinner with friends.

also enjoy family days out with dp and ds at the weekend, for walks/baby shopping/visiting friends.

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laligo · 21/10/2005 11:41

sorry x posted - was replying to dino

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elitemeetupCOD · 21/10/2005 11:42

we go out every week

he is away all w eek generally
so we need to get otu of the hosue so the conversation moves ON from "the dishwasher and have we stacked it"

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JoolsToo · 21/10/2005 11:45

my dh is away all week too cod - what a shame for you that you don't live near me

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elitemeetupCOD · 21/10/2005 11:53

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JoolsToo · 21/10/2005 11:54

but I live near Lakeland HQ!

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pinotgrigio · 21/10/2005 12:22

My DP is in London and I'm in Sydney (my choice, see previous threads on not keeping little-dp in trousers and general waste-of-space-ness). So no, no quality time.

I get lots of quality time with me though.

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pinotgrigio · 21/10/2005 12:24

And it is little! Guffaw. Snort.

Sorry. Too much me time.

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gravity · 21/10/2005 12:33

do we have what?............ quality time........ nah never heard of it! I think that is something that I wish for all the time with my dh!

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Pomi · 21/10/2005 21:14

Much, quality and time why did you combined these three? No I have never seen them combined togther in my life.

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milward · 21/10/2005 21:21

have 4 kids & dh works long hours. sometimes think how nice a weekend away would be but no family able to look after the kids for a whole weekend & in anycase ds4 is just 3wks old & bf on demand. just a dream that will hopefully come true in a few yrs time!!

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Bozza · 21/10/2005 21:33

Not enough. I think we are in a bit of a rut atm. Lots to do and tired a lot. I would love to go out just the two of us but DH does not prioritise it. We have been out at night without the kids 4 times since DD was born 17 months ago - but they were all occasions (a leaving party, wedding night do, my sister's 30th, meal with friends) - we've not been out just the two of us for nearly two years. We've not done anything for our W.A. for the last two years (but thats because 2 years ago we had a one day old baby, and last year we had a first birthday party to clear up and because we'd had all possible babysitters at the party didn't feel we could prevail on them again). Today it is 10 years since we first met and we promised ourselves a night out but instead we have been to the Halloween disco at school.

Bit of a moan, although I think it is fairly common. I think they key for us would be to do more that didn't rely on babysitters. One thing we have done ever since DS was born is book a day off work to go Christmas shopping and have a nice lunch and still send the kids to nursery/school/childminder.

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MassacreOHara · 21/10/2005 21:40

No but at least it gives me chance to watch lost uninterrupted for oooohhh approximately 2.5hrs now!

Actually I'm feeling v negative about the lack of time we spend together, I'm quite often last on his list. Generally works well for me too but it's nice to know the person still wants to spend time with you sometimes!

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moondog · 21/10/2005 21:46

My dh is abroad a lot of the time but when home,our 'quality time' (naff expression) is preparing dinner,drinking wine,listening to music and eating. We manage grown up conversations and like the children playing by/around us.

Don't really crave a lot of time completely alone as we had years of it before the pups arrived.

I think not watching tv really helps us to feel more connected.I find tv saps your energy.

We do like an early evening visit to the cinema though (before the oiks arrive.)

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Bozza · 21/10/2005 21:56

We eat with the kids so that kiboshes that one. And really don't watch much TV but still don't spend the time together.

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