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Original poster

Found a deleted text on Dh's phone, random number.

31 replies

Theonlyexception · 06/03/2011 09:37

at 10pm on a Thursday night. He has texts on his phone dating back till before Christmas but decides to delete this one, I really don't get why. I know I'm probably being paranoid but it just seems odd.

OP posts:
msshapelybottom · 06/03/2011 09:40

ask him?

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 06/03/2011 09:42

I just know how it will go. He'll start shouting at me for going through his phone and get all defensive, and make me feel stupid.

OP posts:
SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 06/03/2011 09:44

why are you checking his phone? do you have reason to believe he is hiding something?

GlynisIsFixed · 06/03/2011 09:44

So what were you looking for?

I mean, his phone, his business surely............

carminaburana · 06/03/2011 09:44

What are you doing checking his phone? If my dh did this to me I'd seriously consider divorcing him.

msshapelybottom · 06/03/2011 09:44

why were you checking his phone? Do you have reason to be suspicious?

LittleMissHissyFit · 06/03/2011 09:46

What does the text say and why are you looking?

meditrina · 06/03/2011 09:47

One text in isolation? Wrong number and not kept because not for him?

Why were you checking?

MrsMeow · 06/03/2011 11:01

He could have deleted it by mistake? I did this just a few minutes ago and am pissed off because it had an address in it that I need!

Esp if he has an iPhone or touch screen phone, it's very easy to hit delete by mistake.

StealthPolarBear · 06/03/2011 11:03

Unless you have reason to be worried I'd almost certainly think this is no big deal. But OTOH I would have no idea whether DH did this...was there a reason you checked?

pozzled · 06/03/2011 11:03

Why would you check his phone and assume it's anything at all suspicious?

And does he often shout at you and make you feel stupid?

Sounds like one deleted text is not the only problem.

squeakytoy · 06/03/2011 11:17

I am confused, how do you know that a text has been deleted?

Anniegetyourgun · 06/03/2011 11:45

Most likely to be a junk text. Marketing or some crap.

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 06/03/2011 12:04

I don't even know why I was going through his phone, I know its a shitty thing to do Blush .He hasn't been acting weird or anything but it just seemed strange to delete one random text. I knew because I looked on his call log and it was just the one text, he hadn't replied or anything. I don't know whether to ask him which means he'll know I checked his phone, or just leave it be and not mention it. I just feel sick because I keep imagining in my head that the texter is some woman he has met somewhere and given them his number, even though logically that would be very unlikely! I can't work out whether I'm paranoid and crazy or he's hiding stuff from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theonlyexception · 06/03/2011 12:05

Definately wasn't a junk text, was from a personal mobile number.

OP posts:
msshapelybottom · 06/03/2011 12:39

I'm no expert but maybe you should be asking yourself why you feel you have the "right" to check his phone - if you have a good relationship otherwise what do you stand to gain from it? Is your DH not allowed to have privacy? Do you expect to know everything about him?

No need to answer these publicly, but honestly, I don't think snooping on someone you love is a wise idea within a relationship.

Is anything going on just now which is leading you to feel insecure?

Would you be able to talk to him in a general way, ie: "I'm feeling a bit insecure just now and need your help to feel better about us"....

BTW, do you regularly check his phone? Is he within his rights to get ticked off with you? (You mentioned that he would shout at you if you ask him about the phone, I'm just wondering if there's a back story).

rightpissedoff · 06/03/2011 12:44

i don't understand how you can look at a call log and see one deleted text. How can you then find the deleted text? This is all very mysterious to me.

FourFortyFour · 06/03/2011 12:47

Why not text the number yourself?

Gay40 · 06/03/2011 12:47

If you are looking at your partner's phone for this sort of thing, there is already a problem, no matter what you find.

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 06/03/2011 12:57

The call log is a history of all calls and texts, sent and recieved. I saw the record of this particular text and tried to look at it but it had been deleted. So the record is there, but not the text. It's a german mobile if that makes any difference, not sure? I was thinking of texting the number but I've no idea what I'd put, and I'd be so embarrased if it turned out to be just someone we know!
I know that me checking his phone is a problem,I do feel quite insecure a lot and worry about him cheating on me, how devastated I'd be. But I've never really trusted anyone.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 06/03/2011 13:01

honestly. I don't know if he has given you reason to mistrust you or whether you are unnaturally jealous but this is NOT normal. I check DH's orange bill - mainly to see if there are any big charges to numbers we don't recognise which we would query. Soemtimes he has texted someone whose number we don't recognise - neither of us can figure it out. He has ever done what you describe but my first thoguht would be accidnetal deletion / started deleting all useless texts but was interrupted / just felt like deleting that one for some unknown reason. I wouldn't think any more sinister than that. So you need to work out if it's you or him that is the cause of this extra suspicion iyswim.

FourFortyFour · 06/03/2011 13:01

Just text saying hello, I have this number in my phone but have a mental block of who you are. Please put me out of my misery. If it is someone your husband has been up to no good with them you will soon know.

I have deleted texts I don't want anyone to see as well as texting someone to ask who this number is for.

Original poster
Theonlyexception · 06/03/2011 13:04

I think I may be unnaturally jealous, and I don't think he has ever given me a reason to mistrust him. But I don't really know what to think at the moment.

OP posts:
malinkey · 06/03/2011 13:12

I think you need to sort out your problem with jealousy if that is what it is - you say you have never trusted anyone and your DH has given you no reason to be suspicious. If that is the case then you shouldn't be checking his phone. I don't think texting this number will help anyone at all, least of all you.

There was a very interesting thread on dealing with irrational jealousy recently - I'll see if I can find a link.

malinkey · 06/03/2011 13:25

Sorry, I can't find it. But basically if this is a recurring problem in your life there are various types of counselling that can help you overcome the problem.

If I can remember the name of the poster/s on the thread I will have another look.