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Original poster

Can Male / Female friendships be completely Platonic

32 replies

somebodynobody · 01/03/2011 19:43

Just curious to see other peoples thoughts and opinions!....

Can a friendship between a man and a woman be completely platonic??

OP posts:

BooBooGlass · 01/03/2011 19:43

Absolutely

LindenAvery · 01/03/2011 19:48

Yep - My two closest friends are men.Have been friends for over 20 years and completely platonic.

ShowOfHands · 01/03/2011 19:50

Of course. I have a friend of 15 years and one of 10 years, both male and I love them in an entirely platonic way. I've slept in a bed with both of them too when the need has arisen and dh doesn't bat an eyelid.

supadupapupascupa · 01/03/2011 19:51

yes, absolutely :-)

ArfurBrain · 01/03/2011 19:53

yup. 40 year old with several close male friends and a happy 20-yr-long-marriage.
Maybe I'm just fucking ugly?

Vicky2011 · 01/03/2011 23:35

Absolutely, my best friend is a man and DH's best friend is a woman, both friendships go back much further than our marriage. FWIW I am a fairly blokish woman and DH is geeky and a bit insular, that may be irrelevant but I do often wonder if our friendships would be different if we were a more "alpha" couple.

PeterAndreForPM · 01/03/2011 23:37

yes

why do you ask ?

MavisEnderby · 01/03/2011 23:38

yes.

MavisEnderby · 01/03/2011 23:38

though male in question is gay

Portofino · 01/03/2011 23:40

Of course. Though if I think of my oldest male friendships, one is bald and one is gay, so dh feels relatively secure.

nancydrewfoundaclue · 01/03/2011 23:40

Depends on the people involved I guess.

I have never had a particularly close friendship with a man that has been entirely platonic.

RespectTheDoughnut · 01/03/2011 23:46

I have only ever had 3 platonic male friends: 1 is gay, I dated 1 of them previously (but genuinely no residual feeling) leaving only 1 with whom there has never been anything sexual there, despite there being potential.

In fact, I went out with him for my last birthday, soon after my marriage break up - I'd not seen him for ages & thought that perhaps it might go somewhere as a one off. I got the impression that he might have been thinking along the same lines too. When we met up, there was absolutely no way that we could do it! That friendship is very special to me for that reason :)

squeakytoy · 01/03/2011 23:53

Definately.

It does help though (if you are in a relationship) when they are friendships that existed before you met your partner or started the relationship with them. Simply because its clear that if there was anything more to it, then you would have been with them when the opportunity arose.

I think its rarer to develop very close platonic friendships with a member of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship, but it certainly doesnt mean you cant or shouldnt have friends of the opposite sex.

I have been married ten years and quite often there are gigs that I want to go to that dont appeal to my husband and he is more than happy that rather than go alone I go with a male friend who I have known since before I met my husband. This friend also rings me quite regularly to chat or arrange meeting up for a beer, and husband knows he is welcome to join us if he wishes, but more often than not he enjoys the peace of having a night in to himself. :)

TobyLerone · 02/03/2011 10:19

One of my closest friends is male. I stay at his house sometimes, we go out together a lot, we hug and kiss like any other friends, but nothing else.

I can't wait to introduce him to my bf (the opportunity has not yet arisen) and he's just got a new gf and wants her to meet me. My worry is that when he meets my bf, there will be some kind of man-crush geeksplosion and I'll be left getting the drinks in

Original poster

somebodynobody · 02/03/2011 11:42

Interesting :) I only ask as me and a friend (female) were having a little debate as to whether you can have platonic male / female relationships or not. I think you can, my friend thinks you cant. I was just wondering on other random peoples thoughts :)

OP posts:

NotSoPukeyMummy · 02/03/2011 22:21

Yes, absolutely. I worked in a very male-dominated industry and still have male friends who I met at work. In fact I went out to lunch with one of them yesterday. The thought of it being non-platonic never even crossed my mind. DH certainly doesn't have any issue with it.

Beamur · 02/03/2011 22:22

Yes.
Although there will always be the odd person that you can't really be 'friends' with.

ClenchedBottom · 02/03/2011 22:22

Of course!

talleyrand · 02/03/2011 22:37

what do you mean by platonic?

if you mean - can a man and a woman be long term friends without actually having sex.. then the answer is yes.

if you mean - can a man and a woman be long term friends without sex attraction / tension ever coming into it? .. then the answer is no.

the sex is always out there

Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright: Why not?
Harry Burns: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: No you don't.
Sally Albright: Yes I do.
Harry Burns: You only think you do.
Sally Albright: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns: No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: They do not.
Harry Burns: Do too.
Sally Albright: How do you know?
Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns: I guess not.
Sally Albright: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

talleyrand · 02/03/2011 22:39

Suzihaha · 02/03/2011 22:39

Hmmm. I would like to interject an opposite view.

I don't really believe men and women can have very close friendships that are completely platonic. Unless either or both are gay.

Of course, you can have acquaintances/colleagues of the opposite sex that may develop into friendships, but I don't believe they can be the type of close friends that you can pour your heart out to without some element of attraction. All friendships are built on attraction in some form or another. Between members of the opposite sex, that attraction will, in part, have a sexual/flirtatious (call it what you will) basis. Could be mild and then disappear, could be mild then gets stronger and then disappears. B=Could be strong, in which case, the friendship would probably develop into a non-platonic relationship.

That does not mean to say that either party would have had to act on the sexual attraction; but I still think that at some point in the friendships there probably was some chemistry (which of course, may remain buried forever).

This probably stems from my view that the word "friend" is used far too casually these days, especially with FB etc. Real friends you can count on the fingers of one hand, two if you are lucky. The rest are acquaintances, colleagues, people you socialise with.

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 02/03/2011 22:43

Yes. With some people, there's just no mutual attraction and never will be, but you have things in common and each regards the other as a decent and likeable human being. Sometimes you can be great friends with someone you shagged ages ago and agreed amicably not to shag again, sometimes you can be friends with XPs due to shared history even though any attraction there once was is long dead.

The only time such a friendship comes unstuck is if one or both of you embarks on a relationship with an inadequate nutter, or a raving monogamist who treats the platonic friend as an enemy from day one. THen you have to walk away from the friendship until the one dating the nutter sees sense and dumps the nutter.

rasputin · 02/03/2011 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hassled · 02/03/2011 22:46

Yes. One of my oldest bestest friends is a man. We snogged drunkenly once 20+ years ago (just because we could, I think) - before and since we've only ever been good friends. When Harry Met Sally is talking shite.

UnquietDad · 02/03/2011 22:48

You definitely can have platonic friendships. I do and so does DW. It kind of helps if they are people you knew before the relationship, I suppose, and if you have been to university where everybody has male and female friends and goes out in mixed groups.

I hate the whole "boys' night out/ girls' night out" culture which is just accepted in some circles.

DW's brother, for example, simply could not have a female friend. His wife would not allow it.

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