Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Men and their caves !

42 replies

everton · 26/02/2011 13:41

Why do men go in their caves and how long do they go for ? He said he was stressed and acknowledged he needed to go to his cave, so i left him be no txt or calls etc for 2 days then he txt saying had i fell out with him. If i had txt he wouldn't had replied so i thought why bother! Is this normal man behaviour ? how long do you give them to come out of the cave ? he is stressed cause of work not us he says!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 26/02/2011 13:43

Eh?

What do you mean, cave?

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 14:21

He says he wants a bit of time to himself. Fair enough.

I would have left it a day and then sent a short text saying "hope you are ok, give us a call xx"

You cant assume that if you had sent a text he wouldnt have replied. Even if he hadnt, he would have known you were thinking of him.

Yes it is quite normal man behaviour. I had this with husband a few times when we were just seeing each other. I learnt not to panic and left him to it most of the time apart from one text (as above).

The one time I did get annoyed with him, (he used to retreat to his bedroom with a bottle of scotch and hibernate for the weekend when the black mood came down on him).. he wouldnt respond to my texts, so I marched round to his house, armed with a bottle of my own, and said "ok, lets be miserable twats together then".. luckily that approach worked and he didnt bother to run away from me after that...

MoonGirl1981 · 26/02/2011 14:30

My partner still goes into his 'cave'.

He has his own study room in our house and he'll go in there and listen to the radio.

I remember it being harder before we lived together. I just left him be and text him a smiley face every now and then.

Whether you live together or not you can usually lure them out with food. Text and ask if he fancies coming round for a meal and watching a movie.

xxxx

LittleMissHissyFit · 26/02/2011 14:33

You never met my 'H' did you...?

Erm I'd have dynamited the rockface and sealed the bugger up... but that is just me...

TheCrackFox · 26/02/2011 14:36

I really couldn't be bothered with someone who sulks goes into their caves.

If he persists with his tantrum treat him the same way you would a sulky toddler - ignore him until he has cheered up.

Flisspaps · 26/02/2011 14:50

Now I follow.

DH does not have a 'cave'. I don't see why a man needs to skulk off somewhere and be uncontactable/ignore his partner because he is stressed. It's not normal 'man' behaviour - it's childish and selfish to fuck off for a couple of days, and sounds more like an excuse to sit around in his pants playing CoD without any interruptions from the real world.

zikes · 26/02/2011 15:01

I need a 'like' button for your post, Fisspaps.

medicalmayhem · 26/02/2011 15:25

my ex had his cave which he retreated to, more and more towards the end of our marriage, it was called the garage, don't know what was in there that was so fascinating but he could be gone all day??

AgeingGrace · 26/02/2011 15:29

I cannot express how much I HATE that book!

Cave = bollocks. If you need telling that a partner may not want to spend every second of every hour of every day with you, you're not grown-up enough to have a relationship. FWIW, OP, Gray means spending a few hours in his garage/shed/pub/out running, not multi-day sulking.

While I'm at it, women are not like waves, women are human beings with moods. Both men and women have cave & wave moments [rolls eyes]

Ask him to be more honest. "I want to sit around scratching my balls for a couple of days" might have done it.

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 26/02/2011 15:35

Everton is this the same bloke that you always post about? The one who has pissed you and his wife about, for almost a decade?

Your post conveys that you have heard or read about that awful Men are from Mars book, which has been responsible for an entire generation of men and women excusing truly dreadful behaviour as "just being a typical man/woman.."

It isn't any of that. If it's the same bloke, you are involved with a deceitful liar and it's as simple as that. If it's a different bloke, have a look at the pattern of your relationships and why you keep getting involved with the same man every time.

Not all men are like this. Most have evolved from being cavemen and mercifully, most women have evolved too and can tell when they're being taken for a fool.

PeterAndreForPM · 26/02/2011 16:21

I find it incredibly sad when grown women go along with such bollocks

"men and their caves"

sexist bullshit

rainbowinthesky · 26/02/2011 16:26

Perhaps if you got some sexy underwear or cooked his favourite meal he might not have felt the need to go into his cave in the first place. Oh, wait, I'm talking bollocks.

AgeingGrace · 26/02/2011 17:06

rainbow!

catinthehat2 · 26/02/2011 17:21

presses 'like' button on Flisspaps & Rainbow posts

SpringchickenGoldBrass · 26/02/2011 17:44

CUnting John Gray! Mars, Venus and you, fucknuts, are talking out of Uranus.
SOrry OP that was not addressed to you that was a general rant at JG. I suggest dumping this man as he sounds far too much effort.

HouseGirlfriend · 26/02/2011 17:51

Where do I go to sulk if DP is going to his cave? Kitchen?!

In all honesty, I think a couple of hours sulk is fine on either side. We're all human and all sometimes feel childish and sulky about something! I'm awful when I'm tired! We always have a giggle and a cuddle afterwards though, acknowledging just how silly he/i/both of us have been!

HouseGirlfriend · 26/02/2011 17:52

If thr sulk lasted longer than a few hours then I would probably go dig him out though...and yes probably lure him with food...

thenightsky · 26/02/2011 18:20

PeterAndreForPM · 26/02/2011 18:23

< nukes the fucking cave >

catinthehat2 · 26/02/2011 18:24

Fragging

I forgot fragging, this is good

Flisspaps · 26/02/2011 18:43

OP, is your DP Batman? That would be an acceptable reason to disappear to his cave and be out of contact for a couple of days...

QuelleLeJeff · 26/02/2011 19:02

What an utter load of shite. I guess if men need a cave then women need a fluffy princess pink vagina to retreat into?

Jesus actually wept.

UnlikelyAmazonian · 26/02/2011 19:40

That stupid damn book is a pile of steaming crap.

While your man in his 'cave' OP, pack some knickers, shorts, a couple of tee-shirts, mobile charger, a toothbrush, passport, lippy, debit card and spare cash, get on a bus to the airport and get yourself a nice suntan on a Greek Island.

When he comes out of his 'cave' he can do his own bloody ironing and get sex from the dog.

Hope you dont have dcs.

sevenstarsinthesky · 26/02/2011 19:52

unlikelyamazonian - would love love love to do that every now and then. What a great idea.

My man is in his "cave" right now... trouble is, that's smack bang in the middle of the same room I'm in and the silence is deafening. If I deign to speak, the beast pokes its face into the light momentarily to roar at me (with flames) and then retreats back to its dark dank hole from whence it came.

Greek island, here I come.

PeterAndreForPM · 26/02/2011 20:25

sevenstars...you live with a man like this ?

I feel sorry for you, all aside

Flip

1 2