Tell me what a happy, normal relationship looks like?

[CheerfulMe]

Because I don't think I can remember anymore what it's like :(
Please, those of you currently or previously in what you would term a happy, healthy relationship with a nice bloke - tell me about it. How did you meet/get together, what was it like at the start, and if you have been/were together for many years, how was it after a while? What was it about it that made you compare it favourably to any previous relationship disasters?

My head's so messed up now I don't even know what's normal anymore... And from some of the threads on here lately, I think I'm not the only one.

Please please - happy coupling/decent men stories :) I don't think that side of things is represented enough here and we only ever hear about the lying, cheating abusers. Tell me about your wonderful blokes!

Oops! Meant to say I can only hope we will still be happy in future years. Relationships take a lot of work.

19 years married this October. Lived together 5 years before that. Normal? I don't know. Happy? Yes, in a conmfortable, affectionate, reliable sort of way. I'd trust him with my life and vice versa. No fireworks and champagne though. It suits me as I'm not a fireworks and champagne person.

I have been with DH for 9 years and married for two. We were best friends when we got together. We still are but we fancy each other too

The most important things for me are:-

We can be 100% ourselves around each other (there is pretty much nothing I wouldn't do/say in front of him) - I need to feel that level of comfortable with my partner and never had it before.

We want each other to be happy.

If we disagree or argue it is a discussion which gets resolved - no name calling or oneupmanship.

We respect each other.

We support each other in all ways (career wise, emotionally, financially etc).

We have our own social lives as well as joint ones.

I look after the money as he is rubbish

We are very attracted to each other and show that on a daily basis even if sex is off the menu for a while due to tiredness or stress.

We have fun together - we are always laughing and joking and always seem to have something to talk about.

The being able to disagree amicably thing - if you've experienced a relationship where it's not the case, it's wonderful, isn't it? :)

LMS, your story sounds lovely :)

I don't know I'd call him a DP, at this stage. Boyfriend, perhaps.
Anyway, no, he lives 12 hours away by train and is currently preoccupied with sorting out custody arrangements for his kids with his ex wife (well, technically they're still married ) so no joy there in terms of talking things out. Tried talking on the phone last week but it just made things worse, when he casually mentioned at the end of the convo he was going to be helping his ex with removals etc as she's just moved house. There has been deception and lack of honesty on his part from the start, much of it due to his not being properly extricated from his marriage when he started seeing me.

I think when it's been shit from the start, there's nowhere left to go. Have known him for 7 months and its been a rollercoaster emotionally and most of it bad. We haven't spoken for almost a week because I just can't stand it at the moment; him and her playing happy families because they've both got this idea that to get the kids used to living in two houses (they've always lived with him since the split a few years ago), both he and his ex should live at each house with the children all together for a few weeks until the kids are 'settled' They are 6 & 8. In my head it's just an excuse for him and his ex to sit and watch telly together like old times, even though he's sworn it's not like that anymore. I know the situation is fucked up and I'm better off out of it, but he swears things are 'almost' sorted and soon he will be able to give me more time and energy. He's been saying the same thing for over half a year :(

It's hard to walk away when you love the person, I guess. The anger I feel at how he has behaved is starting to erode the love, though. Perhaps that's how things will go, in the end. As the love is the only thing keeping me in the relationship (that and the foolish hope that things will improve soon once his kids are finally spending time with their mum and giving him some space), once it goes, I will be free to leave.

Sorry, I don't mean to drip feed info. I'm really more interested in others stories than my own; thinking about my own relationship is almost too painful ATM.

cheerful Tolstoy said something like "All happy families are happy in the same way. Unhappy families are miserable in their own individual way"

He knew a thing or two... "Gabby"

OK. Met when I was very young.( Still at school). Just thinking about him made my stomach jump, like when you go over a bridge. He was always caring and considerate towards me without being a doormat IYSWIM. He respected me, sometimes more than I did and never, ever took advantage of me in any way (he refused to give in to my immature teenage pleadings that I really was ready to sleep with him). He stood up for me when his mother was sharpening her claws on me. And that was before we were even married! Since being married, he has truly been my best friend in every sense. We have supported each other through bad times, such as bereavments, MCs, illness. He didn't run into another's arms or bed when health issues put sex off the agenda. He has always been a fantastic dad to our DCs. He has never pressured me to find a job that pays better than the one I am doing, because he knows that I love my work even though money is always a struggle. He tells me he loves me, and his actions confirm it. We can't afford grand gestures, or even little ones most of the time, but he does at least his fair share of housework and makes sure that we get time together. He makes me feel so special. Do you remember what I said about my stomach jumping earlier? Well, it still happens, even after almost 30 years of marriage.

I have made it sound very one sided, but I hope I have the same effect on him as he does on me.

I hope you do find a relationship that brings you as much happiness as mine has given me. I know that if I had the chance to relive my life over and it would be exactly the same again, for all the difficulties we have had ( and despite how it sounds, there have been some, though usually caused by outside factors IFKWIM) I would not change a single day of it.

• should add that sex was off the agenda temporarily and is definitely now back on .

at sayit. Also, bumping this for the evening crowd.

I have been with my DH for 9 years , married for 2.However this is my third marriage after two abusive marriages.

I love him ... and If I had to go through everything again to be where I am now I would.
He loves me unconditionally. He accepts me and my faults,He respects me, considers me and any impact his decisions would have on me before reaching conclusions.

He is the best friend I ever had, my protector yet allows me freedom to be the person I am and who I want to be. I am the best person I can be because of him and the faith he has in me.

DH is honest , caring, kind, generous, hardworking, family orientated, funny and so unaware of his charms . He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me .

What I have learnt from being with him is that in past relationships I gave 100% and accepted 5%, I was determined to never give 100% ever again, He made me realise that its not giving 100% that was wrong , it was accepting anything less than 100% which was wrong....So now I give 100% and expect 100% right back.

Our marriage is team work, respect and understanding, making allowances for when things go wrong and feeling secure in the knowledge that its OK to be wrong sometimes, its OK to not be perfect , its OK to make mistakes and its OK to be cross or angry with each other , its OK to get on the other ones nerves and the love is still there,

Making compromises but never compromising the love and loyalty.

All this might sound shmoozy, I dont care , its the truth, Ive had bad and Ive had frightening.So I know when its good and right and I'm not ashamed to say it. I love him with all my heart, so do my 4 children(all grown up) and his 7 children(all grown up) have accepted me with a remarkable warmth and lovingness that is a credit to the way he brought them up . yes he go full custody of his children over 20 years ago, which actually was not so common for fathers to manage in that era, and he still worked full time and held his family together.

I guess that last sentence says more about the wonderful person he is than anything else.

I m one very lucky girl and I will never take it for granted x

OP, there are lovely blokes out there!

I met DH after a very crappy emotionally abusive relationship and three years on my own. I vowed that I would wait for someone kind, caring, a man who wanted to take care of me, was proud as a peacock to be with me and wasn't constantly sniffing around other women like my XP. DH came along and fitted the bill perfectly.

We met at work, knew each other for quite a while, became friends, went out for a drink, he opened the car door for me (like a true gent) and bingo! that was it. He just kept asking me when he could see me again. I literally had to fight him off with a stick.

He moved in/we got engaged after 6 months, got married 18 months later and have now been together almost 4.5 years. It just gets better and better. It does sound sickly, doesn't it?!

After a lot of hurt and anger towards my XP, I decided that there was a lovely guy out there somewhere for me and I would wait for him. Nothing less would do. He came along. You just need to be patient and have faith.

On paper we are the most unsuited couple with ZERO mutual interests.

BUT he is my absolute best friend. I have more fun with him than anyone else. We can make the most mundane task into an adventure. We laugh a lot, we dance around the kitchen a lot, we sing a lot. He makes me more fun. I make him more spontaneous. There is no one else in the world I'd rather have spent a year in lockdown with.

I fancy the pants off him. He still makes me giddy when he crosses a room. I absolutely know he feels the same way too. 7 years later and we still can't keep our hands off each other.

That doesn't mean to say we dont argue. We can both be stubborn, fiery little shts. But we argue over the most trivial stuff and then once we're over it we laugh our tts off about how ridiculous we both are.

He is the person I always go to when I'm down/having a crisis. And he always listens (or tries to solve the problem).

He's charming, clever, handsome, loving, interesting, pant-wettingly hilarious and I just adore him 😊