Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Please help

35 replies

Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:33

Don't know where to start.

Am currently listening to my P talking on the phone to my mum about me. Saying I am crazy, suffering from PND am violent and aggressive in front of my children. We do argue sometimes but I am not violent or agressive. My P is he one who has attacked me in front of 2 year old DD. DC2 is only amcouple of weeks old and has a serious medical condition but he has never asked me how I feel about it, instead chastises me for crying saying I need to get a grip. I am in debt and can't get my own place and have no family to help. He says because of this he will get custody of my children. They are all I have.
NOt strong enough to leave but now he is saying he is going to. Won't be able to go back to work. Don't know how I'll deal with DC's medical condition.
Please help.

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 21/02/2011 20:35

why can't you go to your mums?

i would call women's aid now tbh. they can help you and find you somewhere to stay temporarily

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:35

He sounds so plausible on the phone am scared she will believe him. Went to the doctor recently about DC2 and said I was finding it hard am scared he can use it against me.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 21/02/2011 20:35

If he's attacked you then phone women's aid and get the hell out of there as soon as you can.

Can you go to your mum's?

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:36

Mum is at oher end of country and her house is a building site

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 21/02/2011 20:37

your mum will take you in if you can get there, even if her house is a building site

she's your mum! she will believe you

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:38

Feel pathetic there is no one here I can go to

OP posts:
realrabbit · 21/02/2011 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

madonnawhore · 21/02/2011 20:39

Then you must call women's aid, they'll help you find somewhere to stay and they'll help you get out of the house too.

Don't worry about him sounding plausible on the phone. Your mum will only have to see you in the flesh to know he's talking a load of rubbish. He might be an abusive manipulative liar but he's also just one man and people will be able to see through it. Please don't think no one will believe you, we do, others will too.

You can't stay there with children so young if he's attacked you in front of them. Please try and get out tonight if you can.

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:40

He's talking to my mum

OP posts:
SpringchickenGoldBrass · 21/02/2011 20:40

WA can get you into a refuge if need be. THis man is full of shit and will not be believed or get custody when he is abusing yu.
Best of luck in getting rid of him.

Prolesworth · 21/02/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MigratingCoconuts · 21/02/2011 20:41

call woman's aid, please!

You are not on your own.

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:41

Don't feel unsafe am just worried about what I am going to do am sitting in bed with my DC

OP posts:
LittleHouseByTheRiver · 21/02/2011 20:42

OK he is projecting. He is the one who is violent and aggressive, not you.

No GP would ever think worse of a mum who came in asking for help coping with a sick child. The fact you went to talk is a sign of what a good mum you are.

He is doing a number on you. Why are you still with him? He is trying to break you down and it is highly unlikely he actually wants full time care of your DC he is just threatening that to frighten you.

You really should ring Womens Aid when you get a chance and tak it through with them. You would be a high priority with all agencies in your situation.

Don't despair. You are a good mum and your kids need you to protect you from this bully!

SmashingNarcissistsMirrors · 21/02/2011 20:43

you need to speak to your mum yourself and tell her your side of things. tell her that he has been violent towards you and that you need her support and that she mustn't talk to him.

he is only doing this because he knows he has fucked up and has abused you and now wants to change reality for the outside world so he doesn't have to face the music.

do you have any other friends or relatives you can call or speak to? you need to tell as many trusted people as possible that this is happening to you to help protect yourself from this mans lies and manipulative behaviour.

get out whatever it takes.

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:45

He's saying I am the one who loses it in front of the kids and is saying that I am out of order for screaming in front of them when he hits me and kicks me and that he wishes I would just talk sensibly to him in another room

OP posts:
Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:47

Even though this is the worst situation I am scared to call women's aid. It makes it all real

OP posts:
GertieWooster · 21/02/2011 20:48

It is very common for men to accuse the ones they are abusing of the things they do themselves. Women's Aid know this so they will believe you. They will be sympathetic. They will give you emotional and practical support. Please phone them.

thisisyesterday · 21/02/2011 20:48

listen to the people on here notcrazy, they are right

people will NOT believe him over you.

ring women's aid now,. or call your mum. book train tickets or whatever to get to her house

just do something

MigratingCoconuts · 21/02/2011 20:49

He's gaslighting (bending the truth) and he is setting everyone up against you.

You need to get help and support. We can only type this stuff. Woman's aid can help you more directly

GertieWooster · 21/02/2011 20:50

It is real already. Now you need to get you and your DC safe.

NettleTea · 21/02/2011 20:52

sadly it IS real - listen to what he is saying to your mum.
Facing a serious medical condition with your child isnt something you can 'get a grip' about in a few moments. My DD has a life threatening genetic condition, was diagnosed at 4, is 10 now, and I STILL havent really got my head around it, I was crying about it yesterday, so wtf does he know.
Please dont hang around. Go tomorrow or whenever he goes out. Please.

Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:52

Cant bear to listen to any more of the shit he is saying can't leave tonight and am scared of upsetting DCs

OP posts:
Original poster
Notcrazy · 21/02/2011 20:53

Can't believe this has happened am embarrassed he has called my mum

OP posts:
NettleTea · 21/02/2011 20:54

DC's are going to get a hell of alot sadder if they have to watch their mother attacked and abused for the rest of their childhood. And then when he starts on them........