What should I do? very long

[enthusia]

I have been with my husband for 15 years, we met at school and now have two young children.

About 9 months ago my husband said he just didn't feel it anymore. This was news to me as we have always been incredibly close.

6 years ago my parents ran into financial difficulties, we helped them out but this left us with debts.

My husband loves work and always wants to be the best at what he does. This means he works 6 days a week from 7-7.

My parents started working with me in my business to help pay the debt in terms of time rather than money. However this meant they saw more of the children than my husband did.

When my husband came out and told me he was unhappy and some of the reasons I put our house on the market, to clear the debt, and stopped my parents working with me.

My husband has said that I am perfect and that none of this is my fault but that he is a stranger in his own home and to pay the debt he needs to work so hard.

However this has been going on for a while now and I know that my husband could get a job being paid more doing less hours but he doesn't want to as it is a lesser rank, i can understand this but my parents are not his reason to work then.

He demonises my parents as if they wanted this, when actually they have been left in a less than nice situation which they are making better all by themselves. They haven't asked for money in 6 years.

My husband says he wants to leave to see if he can be happier elsewhere but our house won't sell so he can't.

I said I couldn't cuddle etc then becuase if it is over I need to deal with it and cuddles etc give me hope. However he constantly wants them and has lovely evenings with me.

We have now started arguing more on his days off and he has started saying nasty things such as he is so bored with me and has been for a year and that today, when I caught him looking at some other women, I noticed that one had caught his eye when I asked him he said she certainly had and that it was none of my business. When I said that hurt me he told me to grow up and stop ruining his day.

I am so confused. When we are together cuddling it feels so right, he pays me compliments and it feels like it is getting bcak to normal. Then it will all go down hill again.

He is not a bad man, he has always been lovely and caring, although has always been a workaholic. He is now miserable at times, andhis mood swings are quite dramatic. He seems to see the kids as an inconvenience at times and flies off the handle very quickly, considering he only sees them one day a week.

When I ask him about us he says it is all over and he wants to move out, but if I withold ccuddles etc he doesn't understand and either pleads or gets irritated with me.

He wants to live in a flat but stay here when he looks after the children and me stay in the flat, he would like us to still be best of friends and to still have movie nights and for me to accompany him to work dos etc. He hasn't told anyone at work and hates anyone knowing about it at all.

What do I do, I am so confused? I love him, I want him, but I keep getting hurt and am getting real mixed messages constantly.

How do I get through this until the house sells?

Anyone been in a similar situation?

Thanks Thumb, that really helped!!!!

I do feel that in my 'up' moments but he knows me so well he can push every button to make me feel it isn't him that is at fault, he even says he has done nothing wrong, he is a victim of circumstances and he can't understand why people think he is to blame. I think he does know and this is rubbish though, he just can't accept the blame, he has never been able to apologise! I am getting better at retaining a clear head now though. The seperate bedrooms has really helped to make things a bit more black and white. I now don't think becuase he wants to cuddle my old DH may be 'coming back' because in the morning I would still wake up next to the current one, and that used to hurt, daily.

We have been through that and as far as I know no. He isn't (didn't used to be) the type but it has crossed my mind, a friend who knows people he works with did stick her nose in and make things VERY difficult by delving in, but she found nothing.

He did text a girl ALOT and we had a massive conversation about it at the time. He admitted it got a little flirty but that was it. He even admitted to his sister (as he could never to me) that he was shocked how much he had actually text her and it must have seemed awful to me, although to me he said I was paranoid!!!!!!

I am quite scared he may find someone else though. It is one of those things at the pit of my stomach that makes it flip. Hew says he isn't interested and that I will find someone way before him and he even bet on it with me! But it is always there in the back of my mind.

He used to be so attentive and not interested in other women, I was the love of his life and he used to let me know it my kissing and cuddling and being intimate but now I don't know where I stand.

I hope then that there is no one else.
As far as where you stand is concerned, I would say behind a big wall of resentment (his). :(

Again: your 'mothering' of him in the past may have meant that what he is doing now is 'teenage' behaviour ie in his head (maybe even at a subconscious level) he is 'leaving' the family and striking out into the world because you have served your purpose in bringing him up.

Spring, that is an interesting thought! He does seem to be having 'tantrums'! I hope then that giving him control (which he is resenting in terms of having to shop, clean and wash his clothes) he may see I am more than a mother! I don't want things to return to the way they were, I want things to get better and to be happy. I have seen through all of this that I don't want to carry on the way things were but I do want to continue. All the way through this I have said he needs an 'epiphany' to enable him to find out who he is and what he wants. As if this is the life he wants he isn't very happy, at work or at home!