Is there any other woman out there who could quiet easily never have sex again?

[mumtomiaandjas]

Hi,
I have never posted anything before on any groups about my sex life (or lack of it!!, but just thought i would see if i am the only woman out there to feel this way.

So here we go.

I have been with my husband for 14 years and been married two and half years of them.
We have two daughters aged 9 and 3, and things of late have just gone stagnent to say the least.
This is my doing as i just do not have the sex drive i once had, and am quiet happy to 'do it' now and again.
This is causing an issue between us, due to my hubby having a much higher sex drive and would be overjoyed if we had sex daily!!
Yet me, i am happy how things are, and like i say can go without tbh.
Are there any other woman out there who feel the same way, or am is it just me, and is there something wrong with me? :(

It doesn't have to be a relationship issue causing your low libido, women often have a major lull in libido while concentrating on raising children, that's just how it is and it's perfectly normal, it doesnt mean you will never want sex again.
Just remember how you feel now though, because when you get into your forties and your libido increases tenfold, your H will be of an age where he can't keep up with you and you will be the frustrated one.
Hopefully within the next couple of years, your libido will increase, his will decrease and you will have a happy balance for a good few years.
The key is good communication.

This is confusing. I feel sorry for husbands in one way. They have made a commitment to remain faithful and loyal to one woman. Sex is an important part of most mens lives, and yet their partner decides she is no longer into it. So they are left denied sex with their partner and yet have agreed not to stray outside the boundaries of marriage to have sex with anyone else. The use of porn is unacceptable for many women. It does seem unfair on them, but I can not think of a solution.

Malificence thankyou so much for your kind words, they really do mean alot, as i am so very low atm with this issue and many others in my life, and when someone shows a little bit of niceness it is lovely :)
I just want to make it clear to ONEDGE ,that i have never have deprived my DH of sex over the 14 years we have been together, it is just of late i feel that sex is not as important and that other priorities come before this, especially my children.
Also i nor he has ever strayed and we do love each other, and would never break the vow we took when we wed.
I am not looking for anyone else to have sex with, nor is he.
I appreciate comments, and posted this topic to see if there were any other women out ther who could help me in my hour of need, not my husbands!!! LOL

Keep talking to him and reassure him that you won't always feel this way and it's not really connected to how you feel about him.

It is a normal process, for many, many women, it can take up to five years after having a baby for your body/hormones etc, to recover for one thing, tiredness and young children having priority over your time and affection does take it's toll too.
Do try and make time for intimacy though, intimacy is even more important than sex.

I think there are some massive clues in your OP.

You say when you go to bed, you just want to sleep...presumably because you are exhausted. You say your H hasn't worked for 2 years, you are on a low income and yet you "do it all" and that you are resentful and feel he could "do more". You also say that "we don't talk" as a couple.

They are all pretty effective dampeners to intimacy and wanting sex, aren't they? I think this has probably got everything to do with your relationship actually.

Sorry about this, but I'm a stickler for language and I notice that you speak of never having "deprived" your H and that you use euphemisms such as "the bedroom department". I wonder whether you have grown up thinking that the only way women can enact power in a relationship is to ration the sex or perform a "gatekeeper" role?

mumtomiaandjas sorry, misread your post.

I thought you said This is causing an issue between us .

I agree with Malificence that intimacy is important; but compromise is too. I guess you don't mind if he masturbates then?

Why should anyone mind if their partner masturbates OMC?

I missed the bit about your H not working yet not doing household stuff - I agree that this is a relationship power struggle then, sorry. He's leaving everything to you, you resent this - it's a recipe for a bad relationship.

I do not want sex ever again actually. Our latest DC was born last year. We have had sex twice since. It hurt terribly badly both times - i guess from a traumatic delivery, where i got 3rd degree tears. I am just not interested. i am very tired. i feel like crap. I am still a stone overweight with baby weight and I just do not give a shit... to the point that i almost feel like telling DH to go and find someone else just for sex so i can have a break.

I have to really work myself up to give him a handjob. I just want to be left alone really.

Sorry, TMI. Guess I'll have to namechange again. :(

Malificence

For a while with exDW I got "if you have to, just go and do it in the toilet"..

If you're going to be there (or help) no probs.

When a woman resents a man her sexual desire for him generally tumbles. He needs to pull his weight in whatever way is possible given his disability and then you will probably start to feel respect for him and want him again.

Eurostar where in the OPs post is there any indication of that?

Yeah, you could sort out the resentment problems and still find your libido is at a low ebb because of hormones, stage of parenthood or whatever and I think that's perfectly natural. IME, men's libidos ebb and flow a bit too and of course it can be frustrating for the other partner but if there's resentment there, it's much harder to reach a compromise.

If I'm feeling generally positive towards DP, but just not very sexual, I don't mind doing the odd hand-job, BJ or 'service shag', but if I'm feeling pissed off with him, no way!

Mushrooms - have you been back to the Dr? Sex shouldn't hurt like that - it sounds like there might still be physical damage there. You also sound quite depressed.

OneMoreChap - in OP's second post - 'Hubby has not been able to work for over two years, so is always at home, and tbh i think i have started to resent him alot, as i do it all.'

there have been times when OH has wanted and i don't but generally in this instance i just find a way to give him sex without penetration (oral / manual). sometimes happens the other way around also. arousing your partner can actually get you in the mood sometimes too. i think you have to make the effort as much as possible. sex is like appetite isn't it? if your partner is starving but you aren't hungry it's not fair to expect them not to eat....

agree about the pill. it's the devils spawn when it comes to libido.