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Original poster

Is there any other woman out there who could quiet easily never have sex again?

40 replies

mumtomiaandjas · 19/02/2011 19:04

Hi,
I have never posted anything before on any groups about my sex life (or lack of it!!, but just thought i would see if i am the only woman out there to feel this way.

So here we go.

I have been with my husband for 14 years and been married two and half years of them.
We have two daughters aged 9 and 3, and things of late have just gone stagnent to say the least.
This is my doing as i just do not have the sex drive i once had, and am quiet happy to 'do it' now and again.
This is causing an issue between us, due to my hubby having a much higher sex drive and would be overjoyed if we had sex daily!!
Yet me, i am happy how things are, and like i say can go without tbh.
Are there any other woman out there who feel the same way, or am is it just me, and is there something wrong with me? :(

OP posts:
tinkerbell41 · 19/02/2011 19:19

it hard with the kids i guess...it was the opposite for me,i wanted it ,ex didnt...and to be brutally honest it meant when our relationship really hit the rocks we had nothing holding us together???

Baffledandbewildered · 19/02/2011 19:31

We must be married to the same man !!!!!!! Wouldn't catre if I never had to have sex again. Unfortunately my husband is the same as yours and would be happy once a day . I have so much to do house kids dogs ect and husband always saying he is poorly ..........but still wants it !! If I could take him to the vet I would so you are not alone god knows what we are supposed to do you can't force wanting it

IWillNotNeverEatATomato · 19/02/2011 19:40

your situation sounds similar to mine

I have been with the same man for nearly 16 years,
we used to have a very active sex life, which had waned a reasonable amount before we had children, but since I had my DS's (4 & 15mths) I have no interest in sex - none at all!

whereas DP suggests sex regularly,
and when we do it, I just want it to be over quickly.

I am not sure how long he will put up with my lack of sex drive,
but I do love him, and can't imagine wanting him to leave.

threecurrantbuns · 19/02/2011 20:05

This was me a few months ago and intially after my three children were born.

I thought the exact same..would be perfect if i never had sex again!

Now my dc3 is a yr old next month (dc1&2 are nearly 3 and 4) and i feel like ive had a complete turn around...i put my previous feeling down to hormones, tiredness and constantly thinking about things like bedtime meals, apck lunchs, washing etc etc...and literally just wanted so 'me time' once children are in bed.

Original poster
mumtomiaandjas · 19/02/2011 20:09

I think i have got to the stage where sex isnt my first priority anymore, with having children, one who is rather demanding on me, and life in general, things always come first and then i cant wait to get into bed.... to sleep!!!
My hubby passed a coment the other day saying we are like brother and sister!!!
I love being a mum, and the kids are my life, i do everything i can with them, and we are on a low income.
Hubby has not been able to work for over two years, so is always at home, and tbh i think i have started to resent him alot, as i do it all.
Dont get me wrong he isnt lazy, but i do feel he could do more, especially with the girls.
We do not talk, and never argue, and i feel we live groundhog day constantly!!!
I want more from my life and more for the kids too, is this so wrong?
He thinks because i feel this way about things, this is why i am not having sex, as a way of saying if you dnt do this and that you wnt get sex!!!!!
I dnt know what i would do without my wine lol!!!

OP posts:
63BabyWipes · 19/02/2011 20:13

You are definitely not alone, I can't be bothered either and lack of sex does not bother me at all! Luckily my DP has similarly low sex drive so I guess we are a perfect match... We joke about how we could have sex but just cannot be bothered... might seem weird but I think we are just 2 more or less assexual people, that suits us fine!

chocolatedrop · 19/02/2011 22:31

Great to read all these comments. Constantly made to feel like an inadequate freak for very low drive compared to rampant rabbit. Good to know not alone. Thank you

Galdem · 19/02/2011 22:33

I felt like this for 2 or 3 years while my DCs were small. i am gradually getting my mojo back now, though.

How old are you? Is it genuinely sex full stop, or just sex with your husband? If your favourite Hollywood hearthrob scooped you up, slammed you downa nd devoured your body, would you honestly say 'Not tonight, love'? Grin

yankeelover · 19/02/2011 22:44

I did go through a stage of not wanting sex at all but it was due to the contraceptive pill but since coming off it I have a rather high sex driveBlush

you are definately not alone though :) it varies from person to person and if you have got a lot of crap/stress etc going on in your life thats not going to help things

doubleease · 19/02/2011 23:53

I can do without it but I'm on my own so am used to it. I could probably do without it again. If needs be I have my rabbit.

But if I met someone who was great in bed and it never became boring who knows. Actually I DO know. I would want it all the time. Wink

Anais53 · 20/02/2011 10:59

I was going to ask the same question as Galdem as I was in a similar situation to OP when I was married. No sex drive with my how ex-H but now that I'm single and all the resentment I felt towards him isn't there anymore, am absolutely rampant.

At age 53 have never enjoyed sex more and it amazes me that I told myself that I didn't need it. You don't sound too happy with your DH OP so I think it's a question of working out whether it's just him you don't want sex with. Hope it all works out for you.

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 20/02/2011 11:13

I have felt like you in the past, particularly whilst breastfeeding, and particularly whilst with a partner I was not very happy with I'm afraid to say.

I'm now single. And fortunately or unfortunately depending on the way you look at it, my libido is back with a vengeance like a monster lunatic monkey on my back.

Ahem. Too much information perhaps.

Anais53 · 20/02/2011 11:46

Make the most of it MYODD. Isn't it nice to feel alive again! :)

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 20/02/2011 12:22

It certainly is ANAIS. Your post really made me smile. And there was us thinking that was it eh...

On a more serious note op, how is the rest of your relationship? I really do believe that a womans sexual response can be quite tied in to what is going on in the rest of her life, particularly with regards to her partner.

worraliberty · 20/02/2011 12:25

I've always found the less we do it, the less bothered we become. When things get like that (normally through laziness here) we make a special 'effort' and once that happens, it seems to kickstart something and we're back to normal again.

OneMoreChap · 20/02/2011 12:39

Interesting.

Are you happy for you not to have sex, but will let your husband do so - however that works...

or are you happy that your choice means that neither of you have sex, despite his obvious desire for you?

Usually, there has to be compromise.
If you don't want sex with your husband, what do you suggest he does?

PlentyOfParsnips · 20/02/2011 12:49

It's not surprising you don't want sex with him if you feel resentful towards him. That doesn't mean you are using sex as a bargaining chip though.

threecurrantbuns · 20/02/2011 14:01

I have to add op, that for me it really wasnt my dh i literally felt if my most desirable man approached me and sweep me off my feet i would still have no interest at all.

I searched on mn as i too felt there was something wrong with me and obviously dh found it hard and i could seem to explain it to him. Although he really supported me!

I found alot of info about bf and sex drive, i never had any idea it could affect things i have had 3dc in 4yrs and bf all of them and am still bf dc3 (11mth) and i noticed that when my frist period returned at 9mth i suddenly felt ahem extremely up for it...poor dh not sure he knew what to make of it!! Blush

Inbetween dcs i was also on a pill called cerazette which stamped on my drive and killed it!! I researched the pill after reading on trusted mn and realised it was the culprit...never occured to me that the pill could have caused such a problem.

Hope you feel a bit better knowing that its not just you, i owuld like to say that hopefully things will change for you but i remember when i was in that position i couldnt of cared less about sex but felt bad for my dh

threecurrantbuns · 20/02/2011 14:03

couldnt seem to explain to him

MakeYerOwnDamnDinner · 20/02/2011 14:13

What on earth are you implying One More Chap?

I don't like the tone of your post. What do you mean when you say to the op what do you suggest he does? Well he can always masturbate for a start. Not getting to have sex isn't going to kill him.

Sex is NOT something women are obliged to provide for men. We don't have to have sex if we don't want to. Full stop. That's it. No justification necessary.

VivaLeBeaver · 20/02/2011 14:16

Me - its not that I don't enjoy it when I do it, but I guess I don't enjoy it that much, am too tired, can't be bothered, would rather read a book.

However I am worried that lack of sex means that me and DH aren't as close as we could be. He doesn't pester me for sex or anything, whether he also has a low sex drive or is happy wanking I don't know.

I did iniatiate sex last night, had an orgasm, enjoyed it. But I didn't really feel like having sex, more like I wanted to feel close to DH. First time we'd had sex in over a year. I do feel I ought to make mroe of an effort as I do think our relationship is better when we're having sex more.

TheCowardlyLion · 20/02/2011 14:23

I don't see what's wrong with the tone of OneMoreChap's post, MYODD - surely it's a perfectly reasonable question? If two people are in a relationship where one wants sex and the other doesn't, are you just suggesting they remain in that stalemate until one of them dies? Confused Or do you think that perhaps they should talk about it and try to negotiate a way forward? Of course the OP doesn't have to provide sex for her DH. But that doesn't mean he is never allowed to have sex again.

Niceguy2 · 20/02/2011 14:28

To be honest I think the lack of sex and the desire to have it is a symptom of the fact something is wrong in your relationship.

It sounds to me that in your earlier post you elude to the fact you are resentful of the fact you feel like you do it all and that you want something better.

Unless you can both sort that out then you'll both end up splitting up.

Niceguy2 · 20/02/2011 14:29

Sorry *allude, not elude.

Original poster
mumtomiaandjas · 20/02/2011 14:57

Thanks everyone for all your comments, and i have read them all with tears and smiles :)
When we have sex , i do enjoy it, but alot like viva, i enjoyed it, have an orgasm etc!!
I think i maybe fooling myself into thinking everything is ok, when maybe it just isnt.
Having children certainly puts a damner on your sex life..full stop, and we have a 3 year old who constantly wakes during the night, leading to us both being very sleep deprived all the time :(
I used to be like a dog on heat, before kids, when we were courting, then kids came and things changed, as they do, and i didnt expect them to stay to same in the bedroom department!!
Life changes also, and agin i understand that, but theres been alot of issues in our relationship over the past few years and maybe they are part of the problem?
Im only 34 this march, and my husband is 45 this june, and i think i should be the one with the high drive being young, and him being olde, but this is not the case at all :(
I do enjoy the sex when we have it, but he is the one to initiate it, not me.
With regard to what Galdem asked me, well id have to say is Brad Pitt wanted to jump my bone, i think i would also decline, i just have NO desire at all for sex.:(

OP posts:
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