Grim Query - not for the sheltered!!!

[Bugsy2]

I am so out of touch with my gut feelings - perhaps you can give me a steer or reinforce what I think.
Have been seeing someone since January. Everything going reasonably well, although not sure he was my next Mr Right/Wrong/Whatever.
Anyhow, after spending Friday & Saturday night together last weekend I noticed on Sunday morning a distinctly cold sore like sore on his willy. Not a new one but one on the way out.
I was horrified. However, because I am so hopeless at confrontation I couldn't bring myself to say anything.
Went to clinic on Friday to be tested for EVERYTHIG and told him what I was doing & why. He said "Oh, I don't know what those are, I get them when I'm run down". Purlease!!!! This guy is a sophisticated 39 yr old Londoner.
As far as I'm concerned our relationship is over. I'm genuinely appalled that he slept with me while he had this thing. I'm presuming that you all think this is absolutely the right thing to do & I shouldn't be giving him any second chances. (Aren't you????)
Sorry if I have grossed anyone out.

I know you're right, can't help but feel responsible though, knowing it all came from me. I'm trying to deal with it all with a therapist at th moment because it is all so difficult to deal with. H is very sick because of it right now, and his medication is making him even more sick. He is a very negative person and part of me thinks that it's affecting him worse physically because of that.

He's not completely gone just yet unfortunately, so I have to cover my tracks and delete all the history!

Again, sorry for hijacking your thread bugsy - hope you are in the clear. Going to bed now as am exhausted!

Yes. He said he got his first at the beginning of the year (around when the affair started) and he's been on and off with it ever since. We have been together six years and he's never had one before. He has had the flu like symptoms, nausea and generally unwell. The medication has been affecting his kidneys so he's been back and forth to the doctor. I don't remember the flu. All I had was the sores and my glands in my pelvic area were very painful.

GotItAsWell - sometimes get very tender feeling nerves in my legs when I have an attack.
I started using lysine ointment when an attack was starting. You can get it in Holland and Barratt.
I think it helped a lot.
Avoid eating lots of brazil nuts, and chocolate.

Bugsy, really hope you don't get it, but it isn't the end of the world (it just feels like it for a while).

Im another sufferer. The emotional anquish is overwhelming at times, im currently having counselling for it. I have cronic outbreaks and have been on surpressive therapy. The dirty and shame feelings never go away. Unfortunately, for me after never infecting anybody else I have also recently infected my new partner, for which i am mortified. Bugsy, be aware that they cannot diagnose HSV without a lesion. Watch out for tingling, sore glands, start taking lysine tablets.

It's obviously got a lot of shame attached to it - people on MN are open about some fairly taboo stuff (e.g. pinworms/threadworms). But everyone who has herpes has to keep it secret. (No judgement - I was lucky not to have caught it myself in my stupid years, and if I'd caught it, I'd no doubt be changing my name too.)

Thank you all for your openness about Herpes. If I get it, I get it and to be honest, I shall feel obliged to tell any new partner that I have been exposed to the virus anyway.
I feel that if someone is going to be put off by that, then they are probably not the sort of person I'd want to be with in the long-term.
I'm still trying to work out if he was genuinely oblivious or just thought he might get away with it.

I lurked on this one Bugsy, I didn't have anything to add apart from another "OMG what a idiot he is"

I hope the results came back ok.

Bugsy, I have just seen this and hope the results come back negative. Have you discovered whether he realised he had it or not?