I have turned into the invisible woman.

[Professor]

Hello all, need some advice on this as I don't know what to do next.

Have been married nearly 9 years with 3 young DCs.
DH is hardworking, a good provider, and easygoing and laid back.

Has always bought me flowers on V day, but nothing this time.

When I jokingly asked him where my flowers were, he just looked at me and said "I didn't think you liked that sort of stuff". He has always got me flowers, and I have always loved this.

Anyway, today I actually bought myself 2 dozen red roses, because they were reduced so practically giving them away. Also, I felt hurt and wanted to 'make a point'.

Put them in a vase in a prominent position, and he said absolutely nothing.

Did not ask where they came from (they MIGHT have been from someone else). Just nothing.

I feel like I have become the invisible woman.
Just feel so sad, even though Valentines is so overrated, I still feel hurt.

I seem to have become a nonentity to my DH. I try to keep myself looking good, and I do think I am quite attractive (not in a WAG way of course) but we can't all look like Cheryl Cole all day long can we?.

I don't really know why this is bothering me so much, but it is.

Do I just need to get over myself or what?

Okay you lot, great advice, will talk to DH about this and hopefully we will come to a compromise on evenings out.

seriously if you haven't built/ organised a support system for yourself that involves the occasional bit of childcare (whether friends, family, baby sitter or whatever) to keep balance in your family life then you need to look at why.

i would have thought doing so is all part of being a good parent / healthy family.

why are you this isolated and cut off from help?

are you scared of leaving the children in someone else's care? or is there another reason?

Am not at all scared of leaving DCs with anyone else (apart from the fact that I would be worried about the babysitter surviving), just have no one close to ask.

Go girls! (and boys). Great, challanging advice that cuts to the chase!! Whoopeee

I can remember my muum, when I was a kid, was in a group of mums who traded babysitting hours between them (weekends worth double) and uses big plastic washers as currency.

Could you do something like this?

I can understand your post Op - feeling invisible is horrible. I suppose you bought the roses to show him that you do like them. Also, once you told him you liked the roses he could have then taken the hint and bought you something. But some people do not think this way.
This isn't a post about flowers though. It is a post that is screaming out to me that you need to spend some time with your husband and find something to do that makes you feel valuable to others. Do you have any goals or aspirations that you feel you want to start working towards? I hope you find some time to spend with your husband and that he starts to appreciate you. It is soul destroying to feel so invisible.

I have asolutely no idea about your husband from all this. Have you really never spoken to him about it? What does he do when he goes out every week?

DH is in a count darts team.

Actually, I have been asked today if I will rejoin the local pub's ladies darts team.

I said yes so it looks like I will end up with some form of social life after all.

Doesn't solve the prob of DH and I going out together, but at least it's something for me, yippee.

Have also been seriously thinking over last couple of days about getting some kind of work. Being a SAHM suits not everyone, I'm afraid, so I think this might give me some self esteem back.

Think I might have to start a thread in jobs section as not too sure about my qualifications.

i think that you need to focus on getting your independence back first then focus on going out.

get a job, part time or evenings, make some friends, join clubs etc... and then build up some kind of network to get your confidence going. you cant base your self worth on what anyone but you thinks of you. incl yr husband.

then you will have the confidence to say 'hey what happened to my flowers' rather than playing games..

self first, confidnece built, babysitting network built and then you will feel you deserve more

xxxx

great advice Mandy1978, thanks, will make efforts to get things moving.

its always helped me in the past, dont ever lose yourself to a relationship. you nor your dh will ever want that to happen.

good luck

xxx

Agree with Mandy1978 - start with yourself and then your relationship. Build up your own social life, hobbies and self-confidence then you will have a strong and stable base from which to demand better from your DH. Good luck!