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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

That's it I am leaving him right this minute

29 replies

Memoo · 15/02/2011 13:52

I am seriously just going to pack up and go to a hotel. I am not well and he won't leave me alone for 5 fucking minutes and now he has just announced that he has gone behind my back and phoned my CPN! All I want is to just lie down a rest for a while is that too much to ask!?

OP posts:
piratecat · 15/02/2011 13:52

why has he done that, i don't know your story.

Guacamole · 15/02/2011 13:54

What's a CPN?

tinkertitonk · 15/02/2011 13:54

CPN = cat protection number? child prevention network??

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/02/2011 13:56

CPN = Community Pyschiatric Nurse?

Are you OK?
What has happened?

mistressploppy · 15/02/2011 14:00

Why did he do that?

GlynistheGimmer · 15/02/2011 14:02

hey Memoo

if 'he' (i take it you mean DP) has phoned your CPN i'm sure he's done it as he's worried and wants you to feel better

you say you're not well, what's up? stomach bug? cold? just generally feeling 'eugh'?

Original poster
Memoo · 15/02/2011 14:04

Community psychiatric nurse, yes.

Have had Pnd but am much better now. Have been really tired this past week and so this afternoon I've come and got back in bed as dh is off. He says he thinks I am depresses again so has phoned my cpn. I am not depressed I just need 5 minutes to breath without kids hanging off me or dh breathing down my neck.

OP posts:
Original poster
Memoo · 15/02/2011 14:05

Sorry, he is dh.

OP posts:
Mouseface · 15/02/2011 14:09

Memoo

Can you maybe go and see a friend for a few days, give yourself some space?

I'm sorry that DH has gone behind your back?

Is he worried about you?

You sound exhausted.

Mouseface · 15/02/2011 14:09

'?' whoops!

GlynistheGimmer · 15/02/2011 14:10

Well......

If DH is worried enough to phone your CPN, then maybe a chat with them might be what's needed. It'll either a) reassure him that you are merely tired and he should leave you to have a well earned daytime kip or b) just let you know that you don't have to be 'ill' to cared for.

Or both

GlynistheGimmer · 15/02/2011 14:10

be cared for I mean Blush

BeerTricksPotter · 15/02/2011 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Memoo · 15/02/2011 14:15

I've tried talking to him but he won't listen, I know he worries and is just trying to do the right thing but I can't breath. He over analyses everything I say or do as if he is constantly trying to find signs that I am getting ill again. Have not been very hungry this last week and so he has been constantly asking if I want something to eat. If he says 'are you sure' one more time I am going to explode.

OP posts:
Original poster
Memoo · 15/02/2011 14:16

Have a brilliant relationship with my CPN Beertricks, I only saw him the other day so he knows I am ok.

OP posts:
Original poster
Memoo · 15/02/2011 14:17

Im going to get showered, will be back shortly.

OP posts:
Lucy85 · 15/02/2011 14:17

Have you told him that you can't brethe with all his concern?

It really could be that he just cares. Your posts, to me, appear that your frustration with him (?and yourself?) is making you a little extreme in your responses? Could you take a little time to explain to him?

BeerTricksPotter · 15/02/2011 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlynistheGimmer · 15/02/2011 14:18

Memoo

maybe you're right, getting some space between you for a little while might be a good thing. I don't mean leave him but 'over-caring' is very claustraphobic isn't it?

Can you ask your CPN to talk to him on your behalf?

Mouseface · 15/02/2011 14:26

Oh Memoo Sad

It's so hard isn't it? He obviously just wants to make sure you're okay.

No wonder you are feeling smothered by it all.

Space to breathe, space to be alone with your thoughts for a while, sounds just what you need.

Does he work?

TobyLerone · 15/02/2011 14:29

It would appear that he's just worried about you. It probably gave him quite a scare when you had PND, and he wants to make sure that he does everything he can to try not to have it happen again.

Isn't there any kind of patient confidentiality agreement with CPNs?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 15/02/2011 14:32

I agree with the others that maybe your CPN should speak to your DH.

Its lovely that your DH cares so much but maybe he needs to turn down the intensity a bit now that you are recovering.

Have an unmumsnet (hug) and put your feet up with a Brew

perfectstorm · 15/02/2011 15:54

Oh Memoo, I'm sorry you feel like this. (I used to post under another name and I remember your preg. babyclothes thread - we had a nice chat when you were scared of the wedding, too - don't know if that rings any bells!)

Honestly, while I'd be fuming too, his calling your CPN is at least a loving and concerned gesture. Being fed up with the demands of the kids is totally normal, but he's bound to be hyper-vigilant after watching you suffer so much in the past - the concern, at least, is a good sign, no? Think how many DH's don't notice, care or understand. Even if he's been a muppet, at least he's a loving and engaged muppet.

Tell him next time he is concerned, he needs to take the kids out for the afternoon while you put your feet up. After he has supplied you with a cup of tea and chocolates and some light reading. Grin

FreudianSlippery · 15/02/2011 15:58

Hotel sounds like a brilliant idea. Enjoy it!

Why are you so desperate for time alone though - is DH not pulling his weight in terms of watching the DCs?

Original poster
Memoo · 15/02/2011 16:09

Perfect storm I do remember the chat about my wedding nerves and my thread about buying baby clothes from eBay. Mn is such a big place but you never forget the people who have been really kind and taken the time to offer advice and support xx

I have calmed down a lot now. I know I have over reacted hugely. Dh has gone through so much having to hold everything together it's no wonder he worries about me. I need to try and be more understanding and consider his feelings.

He does work but took a couple of days off to give me a break. Im starting to think it's easier when he is at work though Grin I have a little routine now and his presence is seriously messing it up!

Thanks for the hug! I needed it x

Am now sat upstairs with a Brew dc are going to bed early tonight and we are going to get a Chinese and have a chat. Think it will give us chance to get everything out and clear the air

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