Just found out my DH has taken out a loan...am so angry advice on what to do

[dontdillydally]

Found out end of last yr DH had taken out a loan to payback his overdraft - not huge amount but still paying around £300 over at the end. This was around Sept time. Was angry as we could of done something to sort this Im sure but as he has a bad history of money management said he didnt want to bother me/tell me as he knew I would be mad. I saw a bank statement that showed the money going in but being taken straightout...didnt register until now.

Just found the paper work to show that DH has taken out what must be another loan over 24 months with bank and repayments of £120 per month so Im thinking total repayment just under £3k so loan perhaps must of been for £2k perhaps?

There is something going on as it was taken out around Dec with 3 months leaway before payments start in March.

Also he is STILL into his overdraft big time....so seems like he needs the money for something else.

I am absolutely fuming, shaking with anger.

How dare he take £3k out of our family income to repay this back!!!

He knows I have been looking at holidays for the summer and has told me to go ahead and book. Also redundancies are looming again at his place (been redundancies twice last year)

I feel sick thinking about it, I only work 2 days a week.

As I previously said he has a bad history of being overdrawn, spending more than he has etc... but now Im thinking over all these years we never have anything to show for it, most people who Ive know to be in debt was because they had a new car, holidays, new clothes, went out for meals most weekends ...we dont do any of that.

Im hoping to see him to confront him before kids come home otherwise Im going to have to dwell on this for another day...already been 2 days

Sorry am slightly confused. He has taken out a loan but you have no idea what for?

you must be very upset
there are two issues here - one that he didn't tell you/isn't being honest with you and two what is he spending the money on?
If you have nothing to show for it - could he be gambling? using drugs? drinking it? you need to know where it is going.

You need to have a talk with him. And try and think if there is anything you are failing to notice about him. Good luck.

Could it have been to consolidate other debts if he's generally bad with money?

peppa - money has gone into his account from a bank loan.

If the money had gone into his account and reduced or cleared his OD then I wouldnt think anything of it but it hasnt cleared it

He has not been at all honest with you to date and it also sounds like he's been robbing Peter to pay Paul.

He now needs to fess up completely. Burying his head in the sand has made the debt problem worse. You may want to contact the CCCS (Consumer Credit Counselling service) who are one of the charities out there dealing with debt problems. There are people out there who can help you as a family with debt issues. His total debt may well be far more than you realise; be prepared for further shocks. Citizens Advice is another possible route but I would try the CCCS first.

Do not use credit management agencies under any circumstances. I would also give him Alvin Hall's books to read re proper financial management. Presumably his parents are also poor with financial management, such attitudes are often learnt from parents.

What do YOU think it's for? What's your instinct telling you?

yes but what other debts? Doesnt go out much, doesnt have a new car, no new clothes Ive seen.

He will most probably lie, go all sad eyed and feel sorry for himself but Im not taking this anymore I feel so angry...he let me and our DS down

I really dont know - at work they have a football bet each week so Im thinking gambling but really dont know.

He doesnt go out much only to play sport but thats on his days off

Who pays the bills? Are you sure things haven't just got more expensive and he is trying to cover it all up?

Really need to speak to him but you know that.

I pay all bills and have control over all of that but did this because he;s so rubbish with money.

I think the only think to sort him out is to have is salary paid into my account and me give him pocket money - how pathetic is that a grown man!!!

I just feel so let down, he will be paying back £3k!!!! that's money that could of been enjoyed by us as a family, finished the decorating off in the house, got the garden nice for the summer as we love being outdoors

Now me and our DS will have to go without as there is no way I could book a holiday or do any of the above just in case for instance he gets made redundant or even me in this day and age you just never know

I'm not surprised you are fuming, it is such a massive breach of trust. You do need to have a proper discussion with him about where the money has gone. I would suggest you get an Experion check to see exactly what financial commitments he has (don't just take his word for it). More importantly, you need to get to the bottom of why he felt it was OK to do this to you and his children (if you can).

You saw the 3k go in and then straight back out again - is that right? Where did the money go - is there an account or reference number noted under the transfer?

So sorry you're going through this dont.

My Dh did exactly the same thing a couple of years ago. He'd gone so far over his overdraft that he took out a five grand loan to cover it. He didn't tell me any of it.

When I found out I was hurt, shocked, upset and scared that whilst I thought we were financially secure we were far from it.

Here's the really really stupid thing, I'd been managing to save a little from my income every month at the time. All the bills other than food came out of his account, everything else came from mine. Bills had gone up and he hadn't told me. Just panicked at what was going out.

I knew something was wrong the day I asked for his banking password to check something and he wouldn't give it to me (very very odd for us). That's when it all came out.

The whole thing, I believe, was born out of fear. He was worried he was letting us down, he didn't want to be denying us, etc etc.

Anyway, with a lot of belt tightening and by working extra hours we managed to get it paid back in six months. But I'm afraid I did take control. I don't police his spending because that would drive me up the wall, but I do do all the banking.

He would happily leave money sitting on a credit card while he had savings in an account (earning next to no interest), so he's not the best person to manage money. It's just not his forte.

I was livid when I found out though. So I sympathise. Not sure if my ramble helps!

Just realised I'm assuming this is to pay an existing debt. Are you saying this is not the case? Could he have a credit card you don't know about?

Umm you don't think he's having an affair do you? swanky hotels, restaurants?

There used to be a time when the main bread winner was responsible for money management but it seems that far too many just dont want to be worried about it anymore. (From your post I am assuming he is the main breadwinner).

From my experience, people who do this will continue to spend and max out their credit again and again and end up borrowing more and more. I think you are right to want to have control of all the money because he has shown he isn't responsible. If he isn't happy with that then you've got a real problem on your hands (sorry for stating the obvious). Audit everything - just follow the cash and you'll get to the answer. As soon as he waffles about a certain outgoing, you'll know you're on to something. Hopefully it wont come to that and he'll fess up straight away.

I'm a bloke by the way, not that I suppose it matters. I'd be ashamed if I did this to my family.

dontdillydally -do you know if the loan has been "secured" on your house? If so then you need to make sensible plans for ensuring that it is paid every month.

Maybe sitting down together each month - going through the bills that need to be paid and working out how much "poccket money" you can each have would be sensible?

If you can see the money going into his account was it paid out in one lump sum? If so is there any reference etc?

Or has he gone back out in dribs and drabs?

If a loan was secured on your home without your knowledge or consent then your share of the family home certainly used to be free of that claim by the bank. They're meant to check to see if the spouse knows and agrees.

You can check to see if there are any "charges" against a family property on the Land Registry, online, for a couple of quid. If you own or mortgage a property and your DH is like that I would anyway. In fact in all honesty I'd register what is called a Class D (I think?) Land Charge against the house so nobody in future can lend against it without your being informed. He's lied to you already so he can hardly argue. I'd post in Legal and get advice on how to do that, if memory serves it's fairly easy and cheap and you can do it yourself, so you're protected. And awful though this sounds, people can and do forge signatures to secure second mortgages, and the way to find out is via the Land Registry as far as I know. Could you also insist that you want to see a copy of his credit record with Experian etc? You will get a more complete picture.

Sorry to focus on that, but your home, if not rented, is obviously important.

I think you may need to think about how you can go on with someone who is this irresponsible tbh.

What does he claim to be spending the money on? Do you feel convinced by his answer?

Sorry Op but from personal experience, I would advise you to insist on total transparency from now on and also ask for evidence to where the money went.

Years ago I had a partner with a gambling addiction. It cost me personally - the price of my house. He had also taken out various loans, credit cards + overdrafts. But only showed me one bank account and one card bill. The loans finally crushed him.

Am not saying that this is the only possible explanation, there are many possibilities, but I was astounded by the number of women I have met since who had very similar experiences to mine.

I would want the exact truth as to where this money is going - is he spending this on another woman.... or Class A drugs.....

And I don't think you handling the finances is such a bad idea and giving him pocket money... (or him having an account of his own to which you put money in from the joint account).

You can't enforce transparency from someone like this. There is no way you can know, short of credit check reports, etc., and tomorrow is always unknowable. Bluntly to think you can control the finances of someone who is both chaotic and dishonest is like trying to catch Niagara Falls in a bucket.

I think, truly, you need to post on the Legal threads and ask how you can protect yourself and your kids from this situation, for the future. You have the right to ring-fence your home, if it isn't rented, and your own finances.

I don't know how old your babies are, and I'm sorry to raise this, but could you increase your hours to perhaps 3 days a week, rather than 2? You would then have a little more security, at least.

Have i got this right? He has taken out two loans - one last year and one around Dec? Also he still has an overdraft? So neither of these loans have cleared the overdraft? If this is the case there is obviously a serious problem somewhere and I would guess gambling. You need to talk.

Mine didn't / couldn't borrow against the house but the banks just kept on saying ok to whatever he asked for as he had a decent job. Result was debts which equalled the value of my home. All without my knowledge.

Be careful & do your homework before you ask him.