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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

dh might lose job... enraged!

35 replies

allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:02

Today dh told me he might lose his job. I've surprised myself (& him) by being unsupportive & furious. What's wrong with me?!

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 14/10/2005 20:03

why unsupportive - has he been his own worst enemy?

startingtobehalloweenylover · 14/10/2005 20:04

sometimes that's how we react when confronted by things like this!

of course you're cross, and presumably worried.... tell him you didn't mean it!

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:13

but i do mean it, the stupid plonker! now what are we going to do!!?

OP posts:
compo · 14/10/2005 20:14

why is he stupid? Has he done something to make them sack him?

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:15

i don't know. because i'm so angry, he refuses to tell me anymore. so babyish. makes me think the worst, of course.

OP posts:
compo · 14/10/2005 20:17

who's being babyish? You or him? It's a massive thing to lose your job and an unsympathetic ear is probably not what he needs right now!! He's probably very worried about his family. Go easy on him.

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:17

I so wish this were any other evening & i could be distracted by threads about recipes or music videos or what to get dd for Xmas.

OP posts:
JoolsToo · 14/10/2005 20:17

gosh take a chill pill - he might feel like absolute shoight and you could be making him feel worse - start by saying sorry, I was just worried - go on, you know it makes sense

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:18

I can't handle it, compo & i don't know why! I'm so surprised by my reaction.

OP posts:
compo · 14/10/2005 20:19

It's hard for you too. Why not open a bottle of wine and sit down together and talk it through

JoolsToo · 14/10/2005 20:20

ans say 'sorry' - all that crap about never having to say your sorry ....

startingtobehalloweenylover · 14/10/2005 20:21

quite frankly i would refuse to tell you anything if it was me and you'd gone off on one when i'd jhust been told i may lose my job too!!!

aloha · 14/10/2005 20:22

You are scared and fear is very close to anger - both make you produce LOTS of adrenaline. I know I'm more prone to anger when I'm frightened. But you do have to say sorry, explain you were so worried you reacted badly. I don't think he's being babyish at all. If I came home and told dh I thought I might be fired I'd be DEVASTATED if he was angry with me.

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:23

so much rests on his working. we've got a massive loan that we took out to clear debts & when I asked him what we were going to do about it he shouted "I don't know!!" at me. what an effing useless response.

he's almost 56 ffs! dd is 5, ds is 2. and i'm a SAHM mum who would make about half his salary if i worked ten hour days and if the kids were in full-time care andif i was effing lucky!

OP posts:
Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:24

i can't believe i'm such a bitch.

OP posts:
misdee · 14/10/2005 20:24

what the heck is he meant do? magic up a job out of thin air just to pay the loan? you are a married couple you need to work this out together and not fight otherwise nothing will get sorted out.

aloha · 14/10/2005 20:24

Yes, but none of this is his fault! He must be just as scared as you are.

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:26

yes aloha but his being scared makes it even worse!

OP posts:
misdee · 14/10/2005 20:27

were u someone else before allhallows?

you are both scared, u need to work this through.

aloha · 14/10/2005 20:29

You are both in this together. You have to calm down. It's really not fair on him to behave like this, although I really do understand the fear/anger response and how vulnerable you must feel. He will be extremely upset that he is in trouble at work and his partner has also turned against him. He's not a machine. Losing your job can happen to anyone.

aloha · 14/10/2005 20:29

You are both in this together. You have to calm down. It's really not fair on him to behave like this, although I really do understand the fear/anger response and how vulnerable you must feel. He will be extremely upset that he is in trouble at work and his partner has also turned against him. He's not a machine. Losing your job can happen to anyone.

aloha · 14/10/2005 20:30

You are both in this together. You have to calm down. It's really not fair on him to behave like this, although I really do understand the fear/anger response and how vulnerable you must feel. He will be extremely upset that he is in trouble at work and his partner has also turned against him. He's not a machine. Losing your job can happen to anyone.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 14/10/2005 20:30

You are not a bitch, you are in a corner, and you are not being given sufficient information on which to make a call.

I, personally, hate,loath and detest, woolly information.

I don't know is not good enough, you need information, and this information will allow you to plan accordingly.

Original poster
allhallows · 14/10/2005 20:31

i am usually sansouci, which is a total misnomer.

OP posts:
Dior · 14/10/2005 20:32

Message withdrawn