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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don't know if I'm being a paranoid twat

47 replies

FrameyMcFrame · 14/02/2011 09:25

Last night I accused DP of being infatuated with my sister's daughter who is 14.
I came downstairs after putting our DC to bed and found him pretending to punch the wall and generally shouting and being cross (this is very unlike him)
He'd read on facebook that my niece had been picked on in McDonalds and that was the reason he was punching and shouting in the kitchen.
When I asked him what the hell he was doing he said he was so angry that my niece had been picked on he wanted to go and punch the kids who had done it.
I thought, this was a very strange reaction, to be honest I couldn't believe it!
It's not just this incident that has led me to think this though. Every time there's a family party or get together he always sits next to her and talks to her more than anyone else. He doesn't make much of an effort with other members of my family! But when it comes to her he will sit and chat away.
She is a very attractive teenager and I can tell he thinks this too.
Anyway, after witnessing this very strange display of pretend violence in the kitchen I asked him if he thought he could be a bit infatuated with my niece. He denied it, perhaps I am being paranoid.
Very frosty valentines morning this morning. :(

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 14/02/2011 09:29

It is a bit of a strange reaction.

Tell him to leave facebook to the teens. Has anyone else mentioned anything?

Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 14/02/2011 09:39

No nobody has mentioned anything but I've found myself feeling a bit uncomfortable in these family situations, like I'm slightly embarrassed at his behaviour but I can't exactly put my finger on why I feel like this.
I have just put it out of my mind but this display last night... well I just think it's weird.

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 14/02/2011 10:16

I think you need to be assertive with him and tell directly that his behaviour is inappropriate and is embarrassing.

emmyloopsylou · 14/02/2011 10:25

Oh good god, he sounds like the pervy uncle, who knows no bounderies. Which people "put out of their mind".

Sorry seen it before, yes his reactions are wrong. If you are noticing, so will other people. Has he ever been alone with her that you know of?

What a pervy old man, sorry but I think your instincts are right. I can't be doing with men like this, so will leave this thread now.

scurryfunge · 14/02/2011 10:30

Probably best, emmy.

AgeingGrace · 14/02/2011 10:56

It's pretty damn strange. This must be scary for you. I do feel it's time to stop putting it out of your mind, though - can you discuss it with your sister at all?

squeakytoy · 14/02/2011 11:15

How old is he?

JustForThisOne · 14/02/2011 11:30

is your sister still together with father of girl? Is he involved in family gathering?

AnyFucker · 14/02/2011 12:33

I would be very concerned about this

Your instincts are there for a reason

Don't "put it out of your mind"

I guess you will have to speak to him to point out how his behaviour is coming across as weird and worrying, but tbh, I would actually feel I couldn't even look him in the eye after getting these kinds of vibes

if you are noticing, other people will be too

how fucking cringey, I wouldn't give a bloke that embarassed me like that any houseroom, tbh

IngridBergmann · 14/02/2011 12:49

How old is he?

IngridBergmann · 14/02/2011 12:49

Oh, sorry Blush I didn't see someone had asked that.

onehotmomma · 14/02/2011 13:10

No I don't think you are being a paranoid twat at all. Very strange reaction imo and even more disgusting in that she's only 14

Hassled · 14/02/2011 13:16

Is he a mature sort of man? I mean age-appropriate mature? Does he normally cope with social situations/adult life well? Because possibly if he has the mind of a teenager he'll relax and chat to a teenager more easily, and will over-react in the way he did. Could it just be immaturity? (Although that obviously brings its own problems).

Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 14/02/2011 14:00

he's 36.
I have to stress that it's very subtle and he's not sitting ogling her. It's just that he pays her more attention than I think is appropriate.

Anyway, he's actually logged on to Mumsnet from work and read this thread (he guessed I would post about it after the argument yesterday)
He's mortified that I thought this, and very upset. He says he had absolutely no idea that he was coming across in this way and in future he won't even speak to her...

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2011 14:05

well, that's just silly too

oi, MrFramey...try growing up ???

ShirleyKnot · 14/02/2011 14:08

uh

Glamour · 14/02/2011 14:13

that tells me he actually knows what hes doing wrong because why stop talking to her if it is all innocent!

Original poster
FrameyMcFrame · 14/02/2011 14:13

JustForThisOne, no my Niece's father lives in another country now and doesn't see her that often.
I'll obviously have to namechange now as I would like not to be snooped on.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/02/2011 14:16

Framey...in reply to your thread title...

the only twat I see here is your husband

Ephiny · 14/02/2011 14:22

Shouting and punching walls seems a very odd reaction to hearing about a child being picked on, and not even his own child Confused.

I mean obviously it's not a nice thing to happen and I don't want to downplay the effects of bullying etc, but very strange that a grown man should effectively be having a tantrum over it...

ginnny · 14/02/2011 14:26
Hmm
MooMooFarm · 14/02/2011 14:33

Aside from the concerns over him and your neice, I would also be concerned about a grown man punching a wall over anything. It's pathetic at best and a sign of a violent man at worst, IMO. Sorry.

IngridBergmann · 14/02/2011 15:19

See, I am finding his behaviour extremely odd, whatever caused it...has he any past issues which relate to bullying or something like that, which the picking on stuff might have triggered?

I just can't comprehend why someone would act in that way. It doesn't make sense.

madonnawhore · 14/02/2011 15:22

Creepy and weird.

IngridBergmann · 14/02/2011 15:24

Perhaps Mr McFrame would like to register here and explain to us all why he felt it necessary to hit the wall - then he won't need to feel mortified, because we will all understand completely!

Smile

Framey - sorry you have to namechange.

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