Sad again

[FedUpCantKickoff]

I really don't want to get flamed for this. I'm really sad right now. I've namechanged. I am friends with someone who I am too attached to and who appears to go out of his way to show me that he doesn't feel the same, i.e. takes me out to the pub, then won't walk through the pub with me, but instead sits outside in the garden for an hour and a half, in the cold.
We go out some where else and he sits next to me, which I like, then about 10 minutes later he changes seats so that he isn't sitting next to me any more and stays like that for the rest of the evening. Other people come by and sit next to him and he is all smiles and chats to them. We go outside and he stands as far away from me as is physically possible. We are at his house and watching TV and again, makes a point of not sitting near to me.
The thing is I have said if you don't want us to get together, just say, and he says he will. We see each other everyday, text everyday, with kisses, and when I don't text him he texts me and asks if I am ok because he hasn't heard from me. When I have stuff going on he texts me to say that he's thinking about me. Also once when I got totally cheesed off and went home early, he texted me asking if I was not happy and what was wrong. Sorry it's long.
The thing is if I say anything about the sitting apart etc, he turns it into my problem. Hence the nickname. Advice please.

he's just not that into you...sorry!

ask him to stop texting you if it is making you feel this sad.

btw, how can the sitting apart thing be your problem?? he sounds a bit weird tbh

Something sounds wrong to me! I don't think it is you .

I can't be any more sure than you but when someone behaved like this to me I worked out it was because he didn't really want a relationship but just friendship but did not have the emotional intelliegence to actually tell me!! Needless to say, it fizzled out.

If there is something up (like a wifey somewhere...that would explain avoidance in public) thenyou need to have an open and lengthy talk about where this is all going.

If he continues to suggest this is all in your head then run for the hills before you get hurt any more.

It sounds as if he just likes having you on a string and when you show signs of being independent of him, he yanks the string and back you go. It doesn't matter what the reasons are, there are no excuses good enough to cover them.

You deserve better, this isn't a relationship at all. You're free and single to find someone who genuinely wants to be in a relationship with you - and you should - and never look back.

I think he sounds like a weirdo who gets his kicks from stringing you along.

Your problem is that he has the problem, not you.

One thing that's clear though is that he's not into you really. Stop giving him the satisfaction of knowing you're hanging on his every word and text.

Find some other people to hang out with and slowly detach from him. When you do this he will likely come running, but only because he'll be scared of losing your undivided attention. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Thanks for replies.
There is no wife. She ran for the hills some time ago. :o .
We have had talks, we have tried time apart. He ended up saying he wished there was a way we could get together and then the second time that he missed me and was very unhappy.
He knows how I feel.
The thing is, for me, if someone is into me and I am not into them, I make it very plain and avoid them as much as possible so that they get the message. I don't string them along.
If someone is that into me and I am not into them. I can't bear to be around them, makes me feel physically ill actually.
The worst thing is that I had a dream last night, and I very rarely dream about him, where he hugged and kissed me and then we walked up the street together with our arms round each other.
Then I woke up. I hate it when the subconscious does that.

Have you asked him why he doesn't want to sit with you or been seen anywhere near you in public?

I have tried that MW and I was very sad and missed him terribly, even though I was having fun and doing a lot of interesting stuff. There was just a constant ache. There have also been quite a few men who have been into me, but I can't be with someone that I am not into. Feels like cheating myself.
I'm just so sad about all of this.

CG yes I have. And get told that me getting upset says more about me than about him. That I am thinking the worst of him, or that he thought everything was relaxed etc.

anything that makes you sad like this is not right.

You need to get him to fix it or find someone who is as into you as you are with him.
(I know that sounds horribly simple but, in the end, its the way of least pain and most happiness)

I don't think this guy is ever going t give you what you want. If your happiness is a fair price to pay just to have him in your life (albeit half heartedly), then go ahead and pay it.

I think you deserve to be with someone who's crazy about you though.

This bloke sounds like he's got massive commitment issues and self-esteem problems that you're not gonna be able to fix.

He is treating you horribly, but you are letting him. He clearly gets a kick from having you trailing around after him - what a great boost to his ego to have you constantly around with him knowing how you feel about him.

My advice? Get some self-respect and cut this loser out of your life.
You cannot make him want to be with you when he clearly doesn't.

Yes I know I need to just cut my losses and run. I have typed a "goodbye" text. I really need the strength to follow through this time. Very sad about this. He's been my best friend in a lot of ways, for quite a while now.

He's not your best friend. My best friend treats me with respect, wants to sit next to me in the pub and is happy to be seen in public with me.

:(

Yes you are right.

Are you actually sleeping with this guy ?

Or are you friends ?

I am not clear on that

Have done once AF . Have been quite physically close a few times. He won't be near me because it tends to lead to stuff. :(

The world is 4.5 billion years old, at the time of conception the odds of you being born is something like 2'000'000:1 the odds of you surviving to adulthood is 20,000:1, if your lucky you get to walk upon the earth for 80-90 years. Life is too short to waste on this man!!!

I think he sounds a very strange kind of character

What do you think he wants from you ?

"leads to stuff" ?

what, like < sharp intake of breah > sex ?

is he very religious, or part of some sort of cult, or got some physical disability he is very conscious abou ?

I just don't understand this type of behaviour, and tbh, I wouldn't be sticking around to try and work it out

He won't have a relationship with you, he won't treat you with the respect of a friend, what do you expect from him? This isn't a relationship, or a friendship, it's a little girl following round the big boy in the playground, and him being mean to her when his friends are looking, but letting him run around ith him boosting his ego when nobody is looking. You need a grown up relationship/friendship, and this is not it, and will never be it.

Yes I know you are all right. I suppose I just don't want to go through the whole feeling miserable business again. I think I'll just have to take it a step at a time. :(

what step is first then ?

and he makes you miserable now so how much more miserable would you be if you cut him loose ?

at least your self-respect would get a litle boost

stop pissing around with this no-hoper

I feel kinda embarassed for you that you will lower yourself in this way

The thing is though, that you are miserable now.

At least if you stop seeing him then you won't be constantly thinking 'maybe he will sit with me', and then being disappointed all over again.