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Original poster

Advice for a new wife to be

60 replies

sash75 · 09/02/2011 17:07

Hi,

This is my first thread, so please be kind!

I have a friend who is getting married this year and she wants some tips on how to be a good wife and mother. After laughing very loudly when she said I was a good one, I thought it would be a very nice thing to give her a book with some top tips in it. You can see where I am going with this.................

I am after your help for some hints and tips, all welcome, be truthful, on remaining married and happy (maybe I should replace that with sane!), especially when the kids come along.

Top 5 would be great (if you have that many) if not all donations gratefully received.

Thanks in advance for your help to make a really original present for a very special girl.

OP posts:
WriterofDreams · 09/02/2011 19:04

Be kind.

Try to maintain respect for your spouse. If you feel yourself losing respect examine why and try to do something about it.

Related to the respect thing - never ever mock or belittle your spouse (other than in a truly joking way). Your spouse should be able to tell you their silliest thoughts and fears without fear of being laughed at or made to feel stupid.

Never assume you know everything about your spouse. Ask questions and listen to the answer. People change. You need to allow your spouse to change and grow within reason. Be prepared for your spouse's likes/dislikes and opinions to change over time. Try to avoid statements like "But you don't like that..." or "But you're no good at that..." It's very limiting for a person to feel they can't change for fear that their partner will no longer feel the same way about them. Loving positive support will allow your partner to become an even better person over time.

Don't harp on about things. If you're not happy about something say it but then move on, don't go on and on. If it comes up again you then need to have a more serious conversation. But even after a serious conversation, move on. Life is short and it's not worth wasting a nice evening for the sake of a bin that hasn't been put out.

Be prepared to admit when you're wrong. Don't dredge things up in order to be right. Sometimes you'll be unreasonable and say or do something that isn't right. Be prepared to say "yes you're right, I shouldn't have said/done that" It's the mature thing to do and will save you from a lot of meaningless fights.

You should trust your spouse enough to be vulnerable around them. You should be able to say "I'm not coping, I can't do this, can you help me?" and expect a sympathetic supportive response from your partner and vice versa. Any sneering or judgemental response isn't good enough. Don't put up with it.

Laugh. Don't take yourself too seriously.

Rorogeorge · 09/02/2011 19:08

Don't forget to please yourself without feeling guilty!

supadupapupascupa · 09/02/2011 20:33

ooh i like roro's!

googoomama · 09/02/2011 21:22

Marry the right man. Someone with a small ego, someone who is kind, someone who doesn't have a huge group of bloke mates who always want to go to the pub...someone who doesn't think that housework is for women. Oh and someone who accepts that life as you know it will completely change when you have kids and is alright with that idea.
There you go. When you find a man like that, please pm me :)

RandyRussian · 09/02/2011 22:11

After consulting DH have come up with this.
DH and I are now going to have a TALK!

Remember that just because men and women are now equal doesn't mean we are identical in nature. Men do weird things just because they're men.

Take on board what he actually says not what you assume he means.

Accept that men and women have different interests - eg don't expect him to be any more interested in soft furnishings than you are in car parts.

When you need to talk about something serious or important pick your moment sensibly - not while he's watching the football.

NEVER take him shopping!!

Changeisagoodthing · 09/02/2011 22:14

Take to drink now- it will save time getting in the habit later.

tigerchilli · 09/02/2011 23:34

Don't forget to scrub/ douche your fanny with Lysol al la 50's style.

thesocietypages.org/socimages/2008/08/21/vintage-zonite-douche-ads/

supadupapupascupa · 10/02/2011 09:55

HAHAAAAAA tiger

Mumfun · 10/02/2011 11:32

toby -yes!

The Shirley Glass book is good and everyone in relationships should read it. Also Getting the Love You Want by Harville Hendrix is eye opening.

pommedeterre · 10/02/2011 18:07

Super king size bed and a spare room - wife advice.
It's the small everyday moments, cherish them - mother advice.
Pick your battles - applicable to both.

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