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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Advice for a new wife to be

60 replies

sash75 · 09/02/2011 17:07

Hi,

This is my first thread, so please be kind!

I have a friend who is getting married this year and she wants some tips on how to be a good wife and mother. After laughing very loudly when she said I was a good one, I thought it would be a very nice thing to give her a book with some top tips in it. You can see where I am going with this.................

I am after your help for some hints and tips, all welcome, be truthful, on remaining married and happy (maybe I should replace that with sane!), especially when the kids come along.

Top 5 would be great (if you have that many) if not all donations gratefully received.

Thanks in advance for your help to make a really original present for a very special girl.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 17:25

supa...tell me what is not useful about the advice so far Grin

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 17:26

I wonder how many men post on fora to ask how can they "be a good husband" ? Hmm

TobyLerone · 09/02/2011 17:28

My only piece of advice based on my own marriage would be "don't marry an abusive, spineless, mummy's-boy fuckwit with a penchant for spiteful jealousy, a suspicious mind and a tendency to become fat".

I swear by this.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 09/02/2011 17:28

I thought my advice was useful Grin

AF I pity the poor bloke that posted that on here (evil Grin)

supadupapupascupa · 09/02/2011 17:28

anyfucker, I can't [wipes tears from eyes]

BitOfFun · 09/02/2011 17:29

Always wipe your bum properly, especially if you are going to do certain sexual positions.

I know a man who went off sex due to this once not being observed, and eventually that led to their marriage ending. I don't think he actually told her that was the problem though Hmm

True story.

supadupapupascupa · 09/02/2011 17:29

that was tears of laughter! Grin

WimpleOfTheBallet · 09/02/2011 17:30

Tell her to make sure SHE'S on the table ready and waiting when he gets in from work.

supadupapupascupa · 09/02/2011 17:30

OMG bitofun!!!!!!!! but soooooooo true, and no fluff either!!!!!

kepler10b · 09/02/2011 17:31

say what you mean (with as much kindness as possible) - don't expect your partner to mind read.

try to be a team not competitors.

sort out your problems between yourselves - don't discuss them with others.

don't discuss your sex life with others.

keep making an effort.

act with love not anger.

refusing sex when your partner wants it for over a week with no medical reason would make any man (or woman) feel rejected.

don't worry about what other couples seem to have or not have.

WimpleOfTheBallet · 09/02/2011 17:31

BOF Shock The shitty arse shuffle Grin

supadupapupascupa · 09/02/2011 17:33

oh, and shag on HIS SIDE!

toddlerama · 09/02/2011 17:35

Be the person you would like to be married to. You can't control someone elses behaviour, but you can demonstrate the way you would like to be treated.

toddlerama · 09/02/2011 17:35

Yes! Do NOT under any circumstances end up sleeping in the wet patch.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 17:36

Toby...that is excellent advice

Sorry you had to learn it the hard way Sad

BOF and supa...wise words indeed Smile

Malificence · 09/02/2011 17:39

Marry a man who loves YOU more than you love him. Fact.

TobyLerone · 09/02/2011 17:40

Meh, I'm not sorry, really. He's got even fatter and more spiteful, has a new fiancée who is bigger than him and I got 2 awesome children. It's all good :)

KatieScarlett2833 · 09/02/2011 17:41

Do not become his mother

Do not micromanage household/childcare tasks

Guildenstern · 09/02/2011 17:45

I suggest you buy her Wifework by Susan Maushart.

I think that book says everything I want to about marriage.

Anonymousbird · 09/02/2011 17:47

Go to Stepford....

That's it really.

Longtalljosie · 09/02/2011 17:47

If something isn't working for you, say. And say quickly before it becomes far bigger than it is.

Be kind to each other.

Hermya321 · 09/02/2011 17:56

Never go to bed angry.

Have a 10pm rule when you won't let arguments go on beyond this as you will be too tired to think and argue with common sense.

Say please and thank you.

Have regular time away from the kids.

Sex and a sense of humour go hand in hand.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2011 18:04

Toby, yes you got the best deal Smile

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 09/02/2011 18:30
  1. Aim for an egalitarian marriage and adult-adult exchanges.
  1. Read Not Just Friends by Dr. Shirley Glass and discuss fidelity, how you will both deal with temptations and how to maintain safe friendships.
  1. Regard your own sexual needs as of equal importance as your partner's and never engage in the self-defeating practice of using sex as a weapon or means of barter.

These maxims apply equally to males.

Anniegetyourgun · 09/02/2011 18:34

Just because you're married to a person doesn't give you licence to treat them with less respect than anyone else. That's it, really...

Oh, and keep a frying pan handy in case he fails to be suitably respectful. Grin