My salary ig going to increase big time, I want to put the extra in a separate account.

[HONESTMOI]

From June 2011, I'm going to be working full time, full capacity (I'm a childminder) I'll be on 28K gross a month, which means I'll get 800 pounds extra every month, I'll still put 2 k in the main account as dh. Obviously, the extra money will help me to pay my taxes,national insurance,childminding materials, rainy days, christmas, birthday, regular massage etc...

I want to do that because since I have started childminding, I got little help from dh, when we have money problems I always worked overtime, barely got a pat in the back for saving our arses again.I'm a huge convenience for him, as we dont have to pay childcare, the children are sick, he doesnt have to come home because I'm here all the time...

I'm really ressentful at the moment because dh makes no effort, I feel unappreciated, taken for granted..He makes absolutely no gestures towards me, when I talk about how I feel, he says nothing so I get angry so he leaves the room. He is also a dullard who only gets exited by his rank in the champions league/rugby. For my birthday, he got me a dvd that HE especially liked, for xmas he got me a 5 pounds cd (was part of a deal 2 for 10 pounds, so he got himself a cd).

So yes I want to save some money to give me a boost. I dont smoke, I dont drink, rarely buy clothes, I'm on the top of our finances.

Would you do the same ?

By the way I'm off today !

Honestmoi - your last post is contradicting.

its ok for you to want to spend but your husband cannot see the bigger picture etc

Your husband is probably scared of spending money because that is how you were.

Can I ask who earns the most.

For example

Husband earns 3,000 after tax
Wife earns 1,500 after tax

Joint bills are 1,600.

Is it fair to then spend the remainder seperatly? obvisouly the hsuband will have more to himself.

Also you were asking if it was ok to set up a savings acoount now it is a normal account for you to spend your personal money on yourself.

ephiny - what is the point in seperate savings accounts?

Seriously i do not understand. Or are you aving incase something in the realationship goes wrong and you have a fall back?

I thought she was talking about splitting any surplus between them - an ad-hoc version of option 3. That looks fair: if OP then chooses to save or buy an iPad with her share, it's her call. DH can splash out on DVDs if he wants.

Honestmoi, there seem to be a lot of control issues in your relationship. I don't know whether it's ALL about money; your early posts suggest not. I hope you'll find a way to work more easily as a team.

Ephiny, I did assume you meant a secret account; thanks for putting me right.

Not really, well it's partly that but more that we already had separate accounts when we got together and I can't see the purpose of merging them. I get the idea of having a joint account to pay the mortgage, bills etc out of if you have a shared household. But we're individual people and it doesn't make any sense to me that individual purchases should come out of pooled money. Just seems simpler to have your own money that you can spend as you like without it affecting anyone but yourself.

sorry, was replying to mrspoc

How does the conversation go when you sit down with him and clearly explain exactly how you feel and ask him to work with you to change the situation?

If he wants to work with you, that's easier than if he gets angry or refuses to discuss it.

Slightly off topic - but you really need to be careful about treating tax and NI as household income. Its the Government's money and it really shouldn't come into the equation.

I take a third every month out of my gross income and put it into an ISA. At the end of the year I've saved enough for tax and NI and there's a little bit over. The first year I was self employed I kept all income in the joint account and it was a nightmare to keep a tally in my head of how much was for NI and tax. My DH is also crap with money - it was a disaster waiting to happen.

its ok for you to want to spend but your husband cannot see the bigger picture etc - I'm trying to relax and think of stuff I would like to buy...I did nothing yet..He wants to go and see his football team he can go, he wats a new ipod and ducking station, he can have it...He has selective sensibility, how about I become like that to see if he likes that !

What I'm trying to say is that I fed up of dh always expecting me to cover it if we are tight. He takes it a lot for granted. If I keep a separated account, I'll make it easier to save for the taxes, ni, business investment, it was never my intention to spend a whole 600 quids in one go for myself everymonth ! I just want to treat myself only this once the reward myself just this once. I worked 52 weeks out 54 to catch up on our finances, I think just this once I can enjoy myself no ?

It sounds to me that the issue here is that your DH allows himself treats that aren't strictly necessary (eg he has the car when public transport is adequate and he doesn't need it) but if you fancy treating yourself, he comments and tries to dissuade you. It seems that this is making you resentful.

I think the best answer for you is Grace's option 3. So you both get an agreed amount of personal spending money, which you can spend as you please with no interference from the other. The rest goes into a joint current account (for bills) and whatever surplus you have into a joint savings account, which neither of you can access without the other's agreement.

You have a point that your takings are not income, Honestmoi, until you've covered your business expenses current and future.

Does your business pay you a salary? Might be easier to get a fix on it, that way.

Honestmoi - i am sure your husband worked just as hard as you too.

your business and NI/Tax is seperate and should have a seperate account for that.

why dont you just set a budget each a month where you can both spend it on what ever you like.

If it is only £100 and you want the ipad, save your money for it.

Can I aks if you earn more than husband and how much he earns?

I never said he didnt work as hard as me but I think putting everything in the same pot is not working for us.

I put 25 % of everything I earn towards ni/taxes on a saving account affiliated with our main account.

dh is on 35 k a year.

The positive is that if I want to buy something for him, it will come from me and not the main account, if I want to buy something for the dcs I can, if I can afford to go home because I have saved I will..etc

I just want to reclaim some sort of independance. I want to be ahead of my game, I have to think of saving money for my own holidays, drop in salary when a child will live me, trainings, new material etc..

I'm not trying to scrounge money out of him I just want to be in control and secure and ready for everything (unsuspected bill) that lie will trought at me.

Its sensible no ?

I appreciate all your advice and I'm going to go trough again that thread and take some note.

what does this no? mean on the end of all your posts?

So your partner makes £35k before tax
You earn £33,600 before tax

So both take home roughly the same.

Split all bills 50/50 and the rest can be spent indervidually.

can i ask if you go for a meal who pays if it is not joint?

Sorry for the no? I was a bit edgy..

I'm going to follow the advice on here and get a business account and give myself a salary.

Any leftover will be separated in 2 and non of us can have a say in what the other one wants to spend it on.

We rarely go for a meal out, I dont remember when was the last time actually.

I think what I want, and I want it more than an ipad is clear finances, my mind at peace and it is worth more than any material things.

This thread is helping a lot to see clearer, my attention was never to be a stingy madam towards dh but just having a very secure finance.

As I know I'm going to earn more in few months, I wanted to have a plan and I think being confident about a working plan is a good reward enough.

honestly i think you are annoyed with your husband for being wasteful and bad with money.
so know you will be getting £800 more a month you resent him spending it and you want to keep it all to yourself.

Before you said tyou went for a meal recently and he pulled you up for having a starter and now you cannot remmember the last time.

So my plan is as following :

To have a business account which will pay :

-My salary
-Taxes
-NI
-Holidays (dont forget I'm self employed and doesnt get 25 days holidays paid)
-Training
-Insurance
-Childminding materials

See all these things are coming now from our joint account. So yes I'll have 800 pounds more but look at all the things above I have to save money for.

Once everything is clearly divided, the problems will be sorted. We'll have 4 k in the account for all the households bills etc and if we have a leftover which I'm sure we will, we'll divide in 2.

Last time we went for a meal, it was in 2009 I think, Nandos with the kids and I got an extra and he made me feel bad for it but anyway I want to move on.

Honestmoi - your extra £800 is not paying your salary. i think you have got this the wrong way round.

You are self employed as a chilminder so your pay of £2800 per month is your salary

you then have to pay tax/ni on top - this is lower because you are self employed

Not sure what extra training you need? or is this to justify not having to share your money?

Insurance is valid but does not cost alot

And materials is usually included in the price a childminder charges.

I just think you are looking for excuses in why you do not want to share your money with your husband.

You just sound tight.

I think that's the start of a secure & workable, long-term plan, OP. Well done!
:)

Please allow me, I know where you are coming from, you are justified the way you think following all the stuff I have said before.

It is true 2800 will be my initial salary, but we dont need 4800 to live on, it is way too much.

So the 800 pounds extra will stay in the business account which will pay all the necessity for the childminding (I do need the training). The money which wont be used for the childminding will probably be used for emergency/family treats/rainy day.

Or imagine, lets say in august one of the children I look after is living me, what if I dont find one straight away ? Well I'll be able to transfert some money from the business account to the main account to make up for it.

I'm not looking for excuses, I will in no way have more luxuries than dh.

I think our system was not working and too complicated and separated the business from the family account will work better. It will allow me to be on the top all the time and easier to see where are my loss and profits.

Everything is so much clearer and I spoke with dh about it and he agrees with me. I'm not tight believe me, I was just very confused and lost about what to do and this thread has helped a lot !

Thank you Grace, your ideas helped a lot !! I feel so much better at looking at the future !

MrSpoc, you're starting to sound slightly batty

And materials is usually included in the price a childminder charges.

She is the childminder! She has to buy materials out of the price she charges ...

... and childminders have to go on training, get certificated, etc all the time!

When you're self-employed, revenue does NOT = income. The business costs have to be paid FIRST.

Honest,

You have a business as a childminder. It is essential that you have a separate account for it. I really have no idea how you can do your accounts with all the money coming in and out of your family account (I am speaking as self employed myself).

Also, the £2800 a month is NOT your wage! Your wage is what is left after paying NI, training (and yes it is normal to have additional training even as a childminder MrSpoc!), materials etc... Do you have an accountant that could help you with that?

I would suggest you actually do some accountancy work and work out how much you actually earn each month after all the expenses have been deduced. This way you will know exactly what is your DH wage and what is yours. From that you will be able to do a budget for your family and see how much money spare you have each month for the 'extras' (yours and his).
And you will be able to decide how to organize your finances (same account, different acount etc...).

From what you are saying, you are currently mixing a lot of different issues (day to day finance, business finances, 'power struggles' between you and your DH as to who is spending money in an unreasonable way, feeling appreciated).
I do get that you are really frightened to have no money on the family account. Having your card refused is never nice. And that your DH isn't as careful with money as you would like to. However, becoming controlling with money isn't going to solve the problem. You really need to have a chat with him and discuss the best way for you two to handle finances and budget.

Cross posts.

Isn't it frustrating when you've gone to all that trouble, only to find the OP's already got her head around what you were explaining?! Happens to me all the time.