Asking dh for money is humiliating

[pink4ever]

I have posted on here before about major problems in marriage(sorry cant do links). One of my main issues is over money-dh views his money as his. He pays all bills,buys food,pays for petrol etc. I get the cb into my account(h has his own account)and I use this to pay for school dinners,afterschool activities and clothes for dc(and myself occasionally). So I basically have about £40 a week to spend.
Should have said I am sahm(and before I get any posts telling me to get a job and earn my own cash-the childcare costs would make this pointless!).
If I run out of money and need cash(usually for stuff we run out of-veg,bread etc) I have to ask dh and he makes me feel like a piece of dirt.For example I asked him tonight for £10 as need to get some bits at supermarket tomorrow. He then asked me in front of our dc what I needed the cash for?!(twice in fact as I refused to answer the first time!). I just find it so humiliating.
Any advice?(and please dont tell me to leave him as have no money and no where to go).

Poor you, you don't seem to think very much of yourself do you.

Are you able to ring womens aid for some rl one to one conversation about your situation and see what feedback you get from that.

Instead of the disjointed stop start event of mn (even the advice here is spot on) I think you would get so much more from speaking to a rl person.

Please phone them tomorrow, it won't show up on your bill.

Sounds awful. I never get involved in these relationship threads much and hate to say anything that could influence someones life decisions but this situation sounds absolutely awful and I really can't see how you can get round this. Even if you suddenly had your own money - the issue here is his control and lack of respect. I'm a SAHM like you and my husband would never treat me like this even though we have separate accounts at the moment.

I agree that the money is obviously only part of the issue - he is using it to control you and you are very unhappy.

You say you dont want to be a single mum - but you have to be realistic about the impact on your child of growing up with very very unhappy parents - particularly a mother who is being treated disrespectfully and abusively. You will be better off financially if you leave him - he will be forced by law to give you money.

look ahead and see how long life is - do you want to stay in this marriage being treated with such a lack of respect and love forever? YOu deserve to be happy and your partner is not being a good dad if he treats you like this.

Please look at your options for getting out and dont think that being a single mum would be more damaging. There are literally thousands upon thousands of happy and sucessful single mums. Mumsnet can provide lots of support on practical and emotional things if you do try to leave.

Hi i do volenter at nursey for my course NCFE cache early year educator level3
I got 2 child. Every body know volenter job is non paid.i work like maid at nursey 😭when i come home am stressed. My child who is 6 he is not listing me wht am trying to saying so i shout thats not loud. Just i said stop to my child.and my husband said am acting like animal.why am showing attitude. Why am showing pressure. Do i earn money. Do i run the family. I didnt said anything. I only said you have no right to said me like this am working hard. I told him dont stay with me the way you talking with me its really hearts me.we dont share bed.i sleep in floor.
Know what do i do can you show me a way pls 🥹

You need your independence from this man. So many friends have made the mistake of becoming SAHMs and many years later are largely unemployable. Do you want to be entirely dependent on him?

You say you don’t want to be a single mum, but your relationship dynamic in front of your children is awful. It sounds totally mortifying to be made to justify a few pounds.

Childcare is expensive. It’s not purely your responsibility though.