What are the dating red flags from a guys perspective?

[Querelous]

Just curious. What are the dating red flags from a guys perspective?

What niggles a normal man about his DP/W?

Have any guys on here been tempted by an affair / to leave? How did you resolve this? Are you still together?

Lol, PMP.

The same as ours! A raging nutcase/controlling/manipulative/greedy/abusive/freakshow girl is just as bad as her male equivalent.

This applies to women just as much as men.

ItsGraceAgain and PonceyMcPonce

Oh dear, I'm screwed then;-)

Found this:
Any Help?

Querelous, can we help you?

snorbs That was an excellent article you posted.

One thing that really struck out and it's one that I watch out for when I'm making new friends male or female is how the treat other people. The article mentions waitresses and I look how people speak to cashiers, shop assistants and so on.
It gives a good insight to a persons character.

Nah, that's not me (though I do make a mean rabbit stew it's not with anyone's pet), but I have been in some really crappy relationships. (On receiving end). And I seem to attract / be attracted to all the wrong men. I wondered what I was doing wrong.

I think it may be my interests. I'm still married at the moment (though he has left me) so not really looking. But my marriage failure and (a ridiculous on-going crush on someone unavailable) has caused me to enter a period of reflection and self-examination.

What was/is your parents' marriage like? How did you get on with your father?

How they talk about their ex partners.

Upahill, I agree to a point. Got to say though the most abusive man I ever met, was charming to everyone, he was so polite.

Behind the scences though and much later all, shop workers, were failed slags, whorese etc.

The biggest red flag with him was as gay said, they way they talk about ex's. All mental, tretaed him like dirt, stupid bitches, slags, etc. If only I knew then what I knew now.

Father:ragingnutcase/controlling/sexist /freakshow and but very funny and creative and was much loved by lots of people. Typical type a personality.

Mum: NPD

Me:Scapegoat "the cuckoo in the nest" (Dad)

Relationship: Fireworks, belittling, arguments, tears, rejection and lack of support / resolution to anything. But the odd adventure.

As other posters have said, much the same for men and women.

Snorbs' link has been posted on here many times but it's so good it deserves to be posted again and again.

Aha :) That explains why you attract the wrong men, then. History unstoppably replaying itself through your relationships.

Well, not unstoppably. But I'd recommend reading several earnest tomes on the matter (or getting a therapist). It's well nigh impossible to stop this crap through an act of will.

Thanks for the reminder about rabbit stew! Should still be in season, shouldn't it?

Eight billion cuddly toys on the bed, which all have names.
WHole shelf full of books called things like 'Love Your Inner Bunny Boiler' and 'How to make Bastard Men Commit Even If They Don't Want To.'
Hippy woobollocks stuff everywhere and conversations about how you think you might have psychic powers (unless bloke is woobollocks-head as well).

More than two cats.
Astrology.
Homeopathy.
Neediness.

Her Mum is her only (female) friend.
Says she's a "man's woman".
Dislikes all your friends and discourages you from seeing them.
Thinks that vampires and werewolves are real.
Believes that women shouldn't have careers.
Behaves like a princess who must be adored at all times.
Her esteem is driven entirely by her attractiveness to men.
Competes with your Mum and sisters, flirts with your Dad, brother and BILs.
Tells you that she has been a "victim" in a plethora of situations.
Sulks and is petulant.
You notice that women especially, give her a wide berth.

SGB, absolutely with you on the books. Anything like "The Rules" or similar game-playing, twaddle-filled books are a big warning sign that the woman you're talking to will have major control issues.

Any woman who describes all her previous boyfriends as bastards with nothing good to say about any of them is going to be describing you in the same terms sooner or later.

And any woman who spends the date complaining about how her last DP was a skinflint because he only took her on holiday three times a year, interspersed with probing questions to ascertain how much money you earn, is best left alone.

Oh, and any woman who turns up for the first date already half-pissed. I should've paid a lot more attention to that one...

Yeah, but what about those of us who really have/had ishoos to address? I could fill a small shop with my psychological self-help books. It's because I'm dedicated to getting saner, though, not madder!

Agree with you on The Rules, mind you. And that Mars-Venus bollocks.

Aromatherapy oils.
Reading of horoscopes.
Fussing over menus and not eating a starter or something because of being on a diet
Expecting a bloke to pay for everything.

Oh and yes, how you speak about your exes.

Aromatherapy oils?
That rules out about 80% of all women, then, and quite a few men!

Oh I just plucked that out of the air, had a conversation with my MIL about DP (who has pleurisy) and she is into aromatherapy, she says that will read what kind of aromatherapy tincture or whatever might help and I should pop into Holand and Barrett to pick it up.

Bloody aromatherpay.

I realise that that has bugger all to do witgh this thread - sorry

Ahhh. Understandable annoyance, then! Poor DP, it's horrible to have no air/energy. Hope he gets better soon (antibiotics likely to be more effective than cedarwood oil, I believe).

Fantastic article Snorbs - I hadn't seen that before. I want my kids to read it when they're hitting the dating scene

Frantically wants babies
IMO, this counts as abuse - is sure she knows what her H wants better than he does, is prepared to trick him to get her own way and reckons his feelings are immaterial compared to hers.

Sorry, it's bad form to refer threads. I've just spent half an hour I don't have, glued to all twelve pages with a mounting sense of horror!

WhenwillIfeelnormal,

How exactly is stating that you are a 'man's' woman a red flag?. About 5 or 6 years ago, a woman (I forget the name) was featured in alot of magazines, newspapers, etc because she was the one person all her ex's wished they had married. All her boyfriends proposed to her. She was quite an anomaly, and when asked what her secret was? yes, you guessed it, she was a man's woman.

Maybe your definition differs from the standard one, in which case being a man's woman could very well be a red flag, ergo I would love to hear the justification behind your comment.

Thanks!