I've been trying to find my old posts as I've changed names since I first posted when I originally left. I was happysadconfused if anyone could help me out it would be great just to see (not just for me but others too) how far I have come in a year. A year ago today I was such a mess, really, and continued to be a mess for a few months. I posted here so desperate and confused and scared really.... and received such support and it gave me strength, along side the strength I received from my family and friends, I embarked on the year that has just gone. I was very, very fragile at first. I and my DS (4 then) spent 3 months with my parents, while I got myself together, but that got very difficult and I knew I was going to have to find our own place. With help and fate we found somewhere, very scary at first, but it got better and we are still here, making it into a home still, but we both feel it is our home, our safe haven, me and DS, at the end of every day, it is where we want to be. He loves his nursery, that he's been attending since last Easter. One day I was walking him to nursery and I passed a college notice for enrolling into a childcare and development course, bit the bullet (thought f**k it what have you got to lose) and three hours later I found myself enrolled. I started my course in September, doing something I've always wanted to do, but was always made to feel that "NVQ's are useless" or "you'll never do that!" I'm volunteering in my local school while my son is in nursery for 2 and a half hours a day, it's the only spare time I have but I'm making the most of it, gaining experience, getting to know people and desperately trying to find the time to do the course work. But I am doing it, and I am loving it! (please excuse if I am going on!)
All of this is just a product of what I have become this last year. I left a 15 year relationship, I was in my early 20's the last time I was single. This year to my surprise and delight I am finally becoming the person I have been searching to be, desperate to be for the last 15 years, not realising in all that time I was held back, and generally in torment really, for a long time. I would never have realised that unless I was away from the "situation" and my god, the change in me is unbelievable! My family and close friends see it and are amazed and so happy at the change, in me, I've become me! Finally! At the age of 39. It's a bit of an essay I know, my apologies, but I'm so proud and happy, and I just remember how scared I felt at the beginning, and just wanted to say...to someone who needs to hear it, like I did this time last year... it will get better, a lot better.....way better than you can even imagine. The best thing is I know this is the start, I'm already strong, whole, confident, assertive(most of the time) but I am still getting there, and I can go as far as I like.... and I'm enjoying the ride! Sorry for the ramble, glass or two of red! I have just completed the most difficult yet best year of my life, so I think I'm allowed! Well done if you read it all. 