One year on after leaving abusive relationship.....all positive ladies

[daphaneee]

I've been trying to find my old posts as I've changed names since I first posted when I originally left. I was happysadconfused if anyone could help me out it would be great just to see (not just for me but others too) how far I have come in a year. A year ago today I was such a mess, really, and continued to be a mess for a few months. I posted here so desperate and confused and scared really.... and received such support and it gave me strength, along side the strength I received from my family and friends, I embarked on the year that has just gone. I was very, very fragile at first. I and my DS (4 then) spent 3 months with my parents, while I got myself together, but that got very difficult and I knew I was going to have to find our own place. With help and fate we found somewhere, very scary at first, but it got better and we are still here, making it into a home still, but we both feel it is our home, our safe haven, me and DS, at the end of every day, it is where we want to be. He loves his nursery, that he's been attending since last Easter. One day I was walking him to nursery and I passed a college notice for enrolling into a childcare and development course, bit the bullet (thought f**k it what have you got to lose) and three hours later I found myself enrolled. I started my course in September, doing something I've always wanted to do, but was always made to feel that "NVQ's are useless" or "you'll never do that!" I'm volunteering in my local school while my son is in nursery for 2 and a half hours a day, it's the only spare time I have but I'm making the most of it, gaining experience, getting to know people and desperately trying to find the time to do the course work. But I am doing it, and I am loving it! (please excuse if I am going on!)
All of this is just a product of what I have become this last year. I left a 15 year relationship, I was in my early 20's the last time I was single. This year to my surprise and delight I am finally becoming the person I have been searching to be, desperate to be for the last 15 years, not realising in all that time I was held back, and generally in torment really, for a long time. I would never have realised that unless I was away from the "situation" and my god, the change in me is unbelievable! My family and close friends see it and are amazed and so happy at the change, in me, I've become me! Finally! At the age of 39. It's a bit of an essay I know, my apologies, but I'm so proud and happy, and I just remember how scared I felt at the beginning, and just wanted to say...to someone who needs to hear it, like I did this time last year... it will get better, a lot better.....way better than you can even imagine. The best thing is I know this is the start, I'm already strong, whole, confident, assertive(most of the time) but I am still getting there, and I can go as far as I like.... and I'm enjoying the ride! Sorry for the ramble, glass or two of red! I have just completed the most difficult yet best year of my life, so I think I'm allowed! Well done if you read it all.

kyoto...how did you know which was OP's original thread ?

just curious...

I was going to write to thank you all one by one, but my window is a small one so I just want to thank all of you for your kind and supportive (and oh so true) words! They really mean a lot to me.

Humanheart I FEEL IT TOO! ...and it feels great!

CoffeeDodger, I remember feeling like you in the beginning, I still do at times. I can tell you about my experiences if you think it will help you.
But it was, and still is tough sometimes, very tough. But when it comes down to it I know he loves DS, it's me he's mad at, not him. And DS loves his Dad so much, he needs to see him, to spend time with him, and misses him so much when he doesn't it's heartbreaking. I'm trying my very best to do what is right for DS, and sometimes it's so difficult.
I actually contacted woman's aid when I first left, and had quite a few counselling sessions with them. I just talked and talked, about every little thing, it helped me a lot. When we first moved here, it was so scary, the first time I've ever lived on my own (the only adult IYSWIM) I was uncertain of every little thing. I suffered badly with what I eventually realised was pretty bad anxiety. Once I knew what it was I could work through it, and I did, day by day (minute by minute some days...but baby steps and all that).
Just try and remember your emotions are running high right now.....that goes for all of you, your ex included, and will be for some time. Massive upheaval and massive changes are happening. The next few months will be really tough, but try to remember to be kind to yourself...try if at all possible to stay calm (or at least appear to) in front of him and your DC. Dig deep, stay strong, stand your ground and you will rise above it! It will get easier, I promise you. If you ever need to PM me please do, I will be more than happy to share/help anyway I can.

Still haven't answered your question have I?

How encouraging. You have come far keep going the future is yours and your ds's

offee - maybe set up another post in relationships asking for advice etc specifically about contact etc? you're not the first - and, sadly, won't be the last - to face this awful stuff when disentangling yourself from an abusive relationship: there will be plenty of people to offer advice and support/share experiences etc.

Thank you Maybee
Coffee I have sent you a message, I hope it helps, but humanheart is right. Start another thread, as lots of people have been through it, and it helped me greatly coming here and hearing other peoples experiences and getting support, especially in the beginning. Also think about contacting woman's aid, even if it's just to talk to someone, they understand and were so supportive, and I needed a gentle ear to listen to me as I was very fragile. It really helped me.