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Original poster

A difficult one

47 replies

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 12:07

A male friend of mine went on a night out with his girlfriend.

in the morning just as they woke up his girlfriend turned to him, bit his arm and punch him twice. He had to restrain her.

He then told her that if she did anything like this again she will be out the door.

She does not know why she did it but is upset with him as he is supposidly not supporting her in this "random incident" that she feels she had no control over.

She has been staying at her mums as she is up set with him at his lack of support.

Is he in the wrong?

OP posts:
JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 12:11

she need to see GP she may have a condition, cant remember name, but similar to sleepwalking or people who get up go to the fridge and eat without waking up
dear friend used to sleep with her sister, during night she will punch her and once got her hand around her neck.
They had to sleep separate. May be worth investigating.

StuffingGoldBrass · 26/01/2011 12:26

This sounds very odd and I get the impression you may be leaving out some relevant information, which may well be because your friend hasn't told you the whole story either.
People do sometimes hit out in their sleep (did it once myself as was having a nightmare) but normally the hitter apologises abjectly and the apology is accepted. And, as Justfor says, it is possible that she has one of these sleep-disorder issues which should be investigated by the GP.
But both their reactions sound peculiar. He 'had to restrain her' and she bit him? You say this happened while they were waking up? Did she offer any explanation at the time? Did he ask for one?

And you then report that she is upset that your friend is not 'supporting' her? Again this sounds very strange; why does she feel she needs support?
I think the missing information might include something like: She has some kind of sleep disorder which she has told your friend about and therefore expects him to be understanding over.
She has some other issues such as a recent trauma that she's having flashbacks from
Or perhaps that your friend was trying to initiate sex when she didn't want him to.

purplepidjin · 26/01/2011 12:26

I sleep-talk - apparently coherently, sometimes! (more than when I'm awake, then) and also thrash around. I have very vivid dream, a side effect of both ptsd and the meds I take to keep it under control (cheers, doc Hmm) Could it be something like that, something she reacted to physically in her dream state? I suppose it depends on whether she knew she'd done it. DP and I often have a good giggle at our conversations from the night before, of which I have no recollection whatsoever...

StuffingGoldBrass · 26/01/2011 12:26

Oh, one more possibility: is it likely that one or both of them had been taking drugs or drinking a lot the night before?

emmyloulou · 26/01/2011 12:36

She may suffer from night terrors, I still do very occassionaly, I mean very rarely, but they can be horrific.

You are kind of awake but your are not, you can see things that are not there ifyswim in your room, spiders, figures whatever.

You can wake up screaming, lashing out, jumping up to run away. You see the sleep world and dream world at the same time, it's petrifying. You can't help it as you are not really awake.

My H knows when I have night terrors, as he is a light sleeper and can hold me still and calm me down until, I'm fully awake, so they don't fully kick off anymore.

I used to have them all the time, now hardly ever, once a year if that, but then if that is the case, it's because I spoke to the dr about it, and have relaxed about it now. As I have got older and dealt with crap from my past they don't happen really anymore. If it is this as your op sounds like a half story, if she has seen her gp about it, he either takes her as she is or leaves her. She won't have done it knowingly if it's sleep related.

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 12:41

something smells funny

Original poster
MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 12:47

They went out the night before and knowing them drank quit heavily.

She was awake in the morning but does not know why she did it. they never had an argument or anything.

When I said she had to be restrained all he did was hold her arms until she calmed down.

She has not appologiesed as she does not know why she did it and cannot bring herself to accept that is what she did.

She has done other stiff recently that is not on. ie, having an argument then pushing a cheese sandwich into his face (may sound funnyv but if he did it to her there would be hell from other people).

OP posts:
Original poster
MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 12:48

why does something smell funny? i belive him as we work closely in the office and i hear their conversations. also he has a big bruse on his arm and teeth marks.

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 26/01/2011 12:52

Um. I suspect he was shocked by the incident - might not know about possible causes just that he was the subject of an unprovoked attack.

I wonder if the responses so far would have been exactly the same if the genders had been the other way round?

I think he needs to have the possible reasons for this incident explained - then if he's unsupportive he's wrong but I'm not sure I'd blame his immediate reaction as described.

GrimmaTheNome · 26/01/2011 12:53

x-posted ... I think the girl needs to talk to a doctor if this is not a totally one-off odd incident.

StuffingGoldBrass · 26/01/2011 14:04

Hang on, first you say she did this in her sleep, then she was awake but 'doesn't know why' she did it...

If she really is launching random attacks on her partner/other people and doesn't know she's doing it, then she needs to see a . There are some medical conditions that can trigger behaviour like this.
If she does have something wrong with her (I am not a medic but I am thinking of either some form of epilepsy or maybe even a brain tumour) then she will need help and support, but if your friend doesn't feel up to it and/or the relationship is not serious it would not be unreasonable of him to decide that it's not his problem and he would rather call it quits.

However, I still think this story sounds a bit off.

StuffingGoldBrass · 26/01/2011 14:04

'see a doctor'.

ItsGraceAgain · 26/01/2011 14:09

I would have thought sleep disorder or an angry reaction to something your friend did ... if not for the 'support' bit. Now you've added another assault to the picture (albeit with a cheese sandwich), I'm thinking: [a] She's got some serious ishoos, [b] She knows she has, [c] She expects your friend to fix her, [d] Your friend half-expects that he should.

It's a bit hard to end an otherwise good relationship on the basis of one-and-a-half strange incidents, so perhaps he'll need a further assault before he gets it. Hope the next one doesn't hurt too much ...

ConnorTraceptive · 26/01/2011 14:10

If she genuinely doesn't know why she's doing these things then she needs to see a dr.

I agree with SGB I think there is more to this.

ItsGraceAgain · 26/01/2011 14:12

Sorry, I did mean to add what SGB said. It could be a physical health problem. Would your friend want to stick by her while she resolves and/or suffers it?

Original poster
MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 14:28

i never once said that she was asleep when she did it.

I honeslty do not think she has a sleep problam or anything, i think she is just a loon and i have advised him of it. there has been some really wierd incidents.

I.e - He earns good money, she was a teacher, one day she just left and told him that she is fed up of the rat race. she is now working for a theature company as an actress (very low paid).

another example, has has an expensive car - she said she needs a new car and they should get a joint one (meaning he buys her one and she drives it).

what do you think?

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 26/01/2011 14:33

Doesn't matter why she did it, illness or whatever, she still needs to apologise.

The fact that she won't because he perceives herself to be the victim makes me sick to my stomach.

Original poster
MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 14:36

if a man did it, would you class it as DV?

OP posts:
GrimmaTheNome · 26/01/2011 14:40

I think I'd call this DV, but there may be a medical - hopefully treatable - reason for it.

systemsaddict · 26/01/2011 14:41

I woke up from a nightmare with my teeth sunk into dp's back once ... when he screamed, my initial response was "Sorry, I thought it was your arm" (I had dreamt he was strangling me ... ) So I can believe this could happen, BUT, as soon as I realised what had happened I was mortified and apologised at length. It's HER being upset with HIM that sounds weird here.

StuffingGoldBrass · 26/01/2011 14:59

Actually MrSpoc, given your past 'wotaboutthemenz' form I think you are either deliberately suppressing part of the story or you've made the whole thing up so you can get to a punchline of 'See! Women are abusers! This shows feminism has Gone Too Far!'
Because this story is not really adding up at all.

AnyFucker · 26/01/2011 15:00

I think you need to stop taking so much interest in somebody else's relationship, tbh

is this "male friend" of your's somebody that you wanted for yourelf ? Hmm

AnyFucker · 26/01/2011 15:01

hehe

you are a male ?

even better...

AnyFucker · 26/01/2011 15:02

Yourself even

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 15:04

Oh dear, I thought I was going to comment on this. I was going to agree with SB. But if it's just a wind-up I won't bother

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