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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

A difficult one

47 replies

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 12:07

A male friend of mine went on a night out with his girlfriend.

in the morning just as they woke up his girlfriend turned to him, bit his arm and punch him twice. He had to restrain her.

He then told her that if she did anything like this again she will be out the door.

She does not know why she did it but is upset with him as he is supposidly not supporting her in this "random incident" that she feels she had no control over.

She has been staying at her mums as she is up set with him at his lack of support.

Is he in the wrong?

OP posts:

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 15:22

Sorry StuffingGoldBrass i do not get where you are coming form and this is not a wind up.

My friend is my business partner and I get told alot of stuff about his partner and also i get her ringing my office constantly. I was actually looking for advice but obviosuly because I am a man I cannot be concerned. Thanks anyway.

OP posts:

GrimmaTheNome · 26/01/2011 15:47

OK, then heres advice - tell your friend to support his girlfriend to seek medical advice.

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 15:54

I suppose I'd want you to define "loon" really - all her behaviour could be in the context of a medical problem, or it might not. Leaving a job you don't like isn't loony if you are really unhappy in that job and have another to go to. I can see why your friend was angry about being hit and bitten, although if it was genuinely out of the blue and out of character then I'd hope any partner of mine would get me to seek help.

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 15:55

If my Dh did it to me in the way you describe, I wouldn't class it as DV, in the context of the rest of our relationship

perfumedlife · 26/01/2011 15:58

Well, see, the fact she didn't apologise atall, regardless of her motive for doing it, smacks of disrespect and yes, violence.

Surely to god the first thing you would say, on being fully aware of what you did, is sorry?

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 16:01

That is true perfumedlife

You probably would. The only circs. I can think of where you wouldn't is if he immediately flew off the handle when she was very upset and scared, and didn't give her a chance.

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:02

thanks JamieLeeCurtis - I say loon because to me she is coming across as a money grabber (packing her job in because she does not want to be in the "rat race", expecting him to buy her a car etc) and I am also finding it hard to see why she attacked him. (But looking at it she may have some disorder that I will advise him to get her checked out).

OP posts:

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 16:04

anyone up for a game?
let open has many threads as possible and see how many msg it takes to the punch line
MrSpoc Wed 26-Jan-11 14:36:12
if a man did it, would you class it as DV?

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:06

what he told me was when she did it he had to restrain her and then was asking her why she did it. (not sure if he was shouting at her or not but to be honest, could you blame him if he did).

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justcarrots29 · 26/01/2011 16:07

I have to admit I thought this thread was just laying the bait for more DV chat and gender stereotypes. Sorry if I am wrong and if so - she needs to see a doc and you need to stay out of it a little bit because it is up to her and him to sort out.

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:09

JustForThisOne - and what are you trying to get at? i am asking for serious advice. Yes i think his girlfriend is a money grabbing loon and i do not like her and I do think it is DV but i thought i would look for advice before i tell him to get rid of her.

OP posts:

JamieLeeCurtis · 26/01/2011 16:09

I can't really judge this. I don't think you are wrong to be concerned.

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:10

justcarrots29 if this was your friend, who has involed you, would you try to help them or tell them that you are staying out of it?

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justcarrots29 · 26/01/2011 16:13

She definitely sounds suspect - but all you can do is offer your advice and wait and see. I can see how this would play on your mind though. Do they live together? Are they just kind of dating or are they more serious on-the-verge of marrying together?

JustForThisOne · 26/01/2011 16:21

she sounds greedy, deluded, dangerous you put your friend right, you go and tell him to rid of her
sooner rather than later
it can only get worse
good luck to the 2 of you

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:22

they been together 2.5 years and have just got engaged. (she propsed to him, so he had to go out and buy a very expensive ring - no token from her).

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Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:24

thanks JustForThisOne, but i hope when you said good luck to the 2 of you you were not indicating what i think you were lol

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justcarrots29 · 26/01/2011 16:29

Ok well - in that case I feel that it is for them to sort. Support him, tell him you think she is a nut job (maybe choose more sensitive words lol) and maybe he will see the light. Or advise him to push her into seeing the gp an finding out if she has a hormone or sleep problem causing behavioural issues. I really cannot see any other way for you to handle it. Keep us posted on how it goes!

Original poster

MrSpoc · 26/01/2011 16:31

thanks justcarrot29, ill take your adevice (dont think ill tell him she is a loon just yet but to get her to the docs).

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StuffingGoldBrass · 26/01/2011 22:42

MrSpoc, what makes you think your friend will obey you and split up with his girlfriend? You clearly dislike and despise her, but it's not actually up to you who your friend dates, shags or marries. All anyone can do for a friend in a troubled relationship is sympathise, if you start saying ;Dump the bitch, she';s mental then what is more likely is the friend will dump you for insulting the woman he loves.

DuelingFanjo · 26/01/2011 22:46

has form.

that's all.

Original poster

MrSpoc · 27/01/2011 10:41

StuffingGoldBrass i have never said to him dump the bitch, i am concerned hence the reason why i am here trying to get advice.

I have had some good advice and will advice him to take her to get help.

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