Why am I such an ungrateful bitch?

[Species8472]

OK, background. DH is working nights at the moment, has been doing it for a week, and will probably be doing that for another couple of weeks. It's hard work, mentally and physically and he will probably only get one night off during this time.

Since he's been on nights he's come home quite a few mornings and got 18m DD up and done her breakfast etc so that I can have a bit more time in bed, so that's been lovely. But this morning I threw a strop when I got up as the kitchen was in its usual mess after he does DD's breakfast, lunch or tea, crumbs everywhere, utensils etc. thrown anyhow, cereal mushed into chair blah blah. It's not really important in the grand scale of things, and he really should have been in bed by that time anyway, as he has to get up before 5pm today, but it does my head in.

When I do meals for DD I don't expect him to clean up afterwards, so why can't he do it? OK, today I should have given him a break and left it, I was horrible, but it's a perennial complaint of mine. Aargh. Feel terrible now, and he just went up to bed in a huff

Go in there and make up with him. Nobody is perfect. :)

Presumably he enjoys spending some time with his DD when he gets in in the morning?

And if he were coming home from work at 6pm and giving his DD supper, then you could expect him to clean up after himself?

He has gone to bed now and can sleep till 5pm so not exactly existing on hardly any sleep.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

You are only responsible for the things YOU do.

If you dont like the way he does things then get up out your bed and do it yourself.

And I would be keeping my gob shut in future or he wont help you at all - and who would blame him?

Pathetic
Sorry? He will not "help at all, and who would blame him"?

Isn't it his child too?

My DH does not HELP me with my children. He shares parenting duties.

Thanks . He'll be asleep now so don't want to disturb him.

Yep, he loves spending time with DD, some days he doesn't get to see her much or at all. The night shifts are 12 hours, so quite a long night, 6pm until 6am. He did look knackered actually.

Yes, I could expect him to clean up after tea in the evening, but he just doesn't think much about it. It's not that he expects me to do it, he just doesn't think about it.

ROLF - you lot make me laugh.

Who mentioned 'helping with children' .. we are talking about clearing up a few things here and there. He had just come off a night shift ...... get a grip.

I stand by what I say, if she dont like it, get out of bed and do it herself and then there wont be any mess.

Now if the mum is going out to work full time that is another story .. but she doesnt say if she is or not.

Lets wait and see if she is just a SAHM or if she works outside the home too. Then 'sharing household duties' NOT 'parenting duties' can be up for discussion.

Whether or not it was a night shift makes no difference.

My DH works in a stressful job, leaves the house at 6am and is rarely back before 8pm.

He still manages to put his dinner plate in the dishwasher.

She is not asking him to do the ironing, or hoover the floors.

Just put the dishes in the kitchen and wipe the high chair so that she won't have to scrub dried up cereal off it when she gets up.

Cheers Patheticisntit. 9 times out of 10 I do do it myself. He's a fantatsic bloke, just very untidy around the house. It annoys me, sorry. I'll keep my 'gob shut' then.

Not that it's any of your business patheticisntit but I am a SAHM. So what?

This isn't a permanent arrangement of me lying around in bed every morning while he skivvies around, just a few mornings at the moment.

I do not expect him to clean floors, or bathrooms or do the ironing, I just wish he had tidied up some crumbs and put stuff away this morning. But it wasn't the time or place to harrang him about it, that's why I'm down.

Night shift is a far harder shift to work than dayshift so THERE IS a difference.

Are you looking for a medal for your 'DH'?

I'm off to do a 12 hour shift myself too so that is nothing out of the ordinary in this day and age. And I dont expect anyone to run after ME when I finish, big deal .. dishes in the dishwasher .... yer having a larf now !!

Species8472 sometimes it is better to keep our gobs shut ........... if you had you wouldnt have come on and posted .... and you wouldnt be feeling rotten. He's now in bed getting his well earned sleep and now you are perhaps going to feel rotten till he gets up - was it worth it? I think not. What are a few crumbs? Is it really going to be that hard to clean up .........

The medal suggestion was for MmeLindt

No I don't expect anyone to run around after me. No, obviously, it wasn't hard to clean up. Jeez, I wish I hadn't posted. Thank god I didn't post this in AIBU.

Thanks for all your commenbts, have to go now.

Pathetic
I don't understand that post.

No, of course I am not expecting a medal for my DH. I think that his behaviour is normal.

What is so funny about putting the dishes in the dishwasher?

That is what the OP complained about. That her DH did not take the time to clean up after he gave their DD breakfast.

It is expected in our house that we all clean up after ourselves.

Ha ha! Perhaps it IS a good thing you didnt.

Sorry to be so harsh but crumbs and mess are not really such a big deal ... especially when you think back and now realise you will have that dirty rotten feeling inside you until he wakens. How long did it really take?

Treat yourself to something nice and have a good day with your wee one.

MmeLindt what is expected in one house is not always expected in another.

If it is normal for him to put his dishes in the dishwasher, why bother mentioning it - its normal!!

Have a good day everyone, I'm off to do my bit for the family - a nice 12 hour shift -and I'm not expecting any pats on the back for doing it either.

FWIW, I'd expect DH to clear up his own mess too, and if he didn't I'd be mighty pissed off. The thing about having to clear up your own mess is that you make less mess if you know you have to clean it up than if you think someone else will mop up after you.

Pathetic if it didn't take long for the OP to clean up, it wouldn't have taken long for her DH to clean up either, so hardly a big ask of him.

Pathetic - "What are a few crumbs? Is it really going to be that hard to clean up ... crumbs and mess are not really such a big deal ... How long did it really take?"

Yeah good points!! So if cleaning up crumbs and mess is so easy, there shouldn't be any reason why her husband can't do it :)

Also I think it's really sweet that you've discovered how to do bold and are making the most of your newfound skill :)

Pathetic
There is no need for name-calling just because someone disagrees with you.

Troll de Troll de Troll

Do you think so?

What is TWAT an acronym for then?

Ah, thanks. Bit slow on the uptake today. :o

So, if Pathetic is a troll, I am ok to say, "Fuck off, you fuckwit" without getting deleted?