Why am I such an ungrateful bitch?

[Species8472]

OK, background. DH is working nights at the moment, has been doing it for a week, and will probably be doing that for another couple of weeks. It's hard work, mentally and physically and he will probably only get one night off during this time.

Since he's been on nights he's come home quite a few mornings and got 18m DD up and done her breakfast etc so that I can have a bit more time in bed, so that's been lovely. But this morning I threw a strop when I got up as the kitchen was in its usual mess after he does DD's breakfast, lunch or tea, crumbs everywhere, utensils etc. thrown anyhow, cereal mushed into chair blah blah. It's not really important in the grand scale of things, and he really should have been in bed by that time anyway, as he has to get up before 5pm today, but it does my head in.

When I do meals for DD I don't expect him to clean up afterwards, so why can't he do it? OK, today I should have given him a break and left it, I was horrible, but it's a perennial complaint of mine. Aargh. Feel terrible now, and he just went up to bed in a huff

No, not really. I have never been deleted so perhaps I should report myself :o

MmeLindt a troll? (rolls on the floor laughing practically pissing herself)

New member are you?

Belle
I think that she/he was outing himself as a troll.

Not me.

Obviously.

:o

I know you're not a troll dear. (should have taken the time to read all of the thread ) How's the writing?

In my neck of the woods T.W.A.T. doesnt stand for what you are stating.

I dont think Pathetic is a troll. Ive seen her on lots of other threads.

She doesnt always agree with everyone but that is what forums are for - everyones opinion.

In this case I happen to agree with her.

If OPs DH/DP had just done a 12 hour nightshift perhaps he didnt see the crumbs or whatever it was he left and who can blame him for that. My eyes would be nipping if it was me.

:)

Writing not going well at the moment. Seem to be terminally unmotivated. Must get back to it.

My novel's almost finished. I'm in need of a nice person to read a couple of short chapters to see if it flows/language is OK though.

Crumbs and mess would irritate me if I was left to clean it up every day.

Send it to me, I will look through it.

Really? That would be lovely, thank you. I won't send all of it as it's just under 30k and the last half needs a word adding here and there.

Sorry that you feel this way but I worked full time from when my DS was 3 months old ( I did not want ot wanted part time DH said to do full time pratt!) and so did DH. Problem was because I had been "off work" looking after a baby is easy all day by the way yeh right! He did not do anything when I went back full time as he was used to everything being done I was exhausted and pissed off I left 2 yrs later had enough of him being a pratt!!! Thats what I call and issue?

Well Scruffy, I do agree that working full time, looking after a baby and getting no support to do housework is an issue.

A few crumbs etc for a SAHM is hardly a life threatening task.

Hope things are going well for you now Scruffy, tis true, sometimes we are better off on our own ....... it is so much easier sometimes when there is no man about.

Hardly life-threatening, no. But adults can clean up after themselves, surely.

Scruffy, what you're describing is totally unacceptable and I hope you're ok now.

Hello OP, can I ask, when you are tired at the end of the day after caring for your LO do you see every crumb that needs to be cleared up and more important do you clean it up immediately?

Is DH a lazy person? Does he need running after all the time?

He isn't a lazy person at all, he just doesn't notice stuff. For instance, when he makes toast or sandwiches or anything involving bread he never notices the crumbs all over the place and never goes back to clear it up. It's not that he's waiting for me to do it either, it just doesn't register.

I tend to do little bits as I go along during the day, as dictated by DD and her schedule. I don't immediately start mopping or washing up, but I wasn't wanting DH to do that, just put a couple of things away and wipe the chair over.

I take your point; no, I'm obviously far from perfect myself.

OP, none of us is perfect really - though many would like to think they were.

I hope you are feeling better and by the time DH wakens you will be ok.

Enjoy your time with your LO this avo and when he wakens either say to him or let it go. Some things just arent really worth getting upset over.

See, I don't notice mess. I really don't. But DH does and it bothers him. So I have kind of "trained" myself to look and see the mess.

It does not come naturally to me, so I can empathise with your DH but he does need to clean up after himself, and you should not feel bad about reminding him.

But he did get your DD up? after a 12 hour shift? he didnt have to.

When you hear him wake up (alarm go off or what not) take him a cuppa in and say sorry.

Thanks AnotherMum.. am feeling fed-up about upsetting DH so we'll sort it out later when he gets up.

Yep, TimeForACHEEKYWINE, he didn't have to get DD up, he offered and was happy to do it, I didn't ask him to (hence the title of my OP). I will take him up a coffee

Perhaps you could have the LO down for a nap when he is due to waken - and waken him up with a bigger surprise and be careful you dont make too much mess

She's napping now, she'll be wide awake and expecting her tea around then, so no go I'm afraid!

Well, I said sorry, he said not to worry about it, so all OK! We're very bad at arguing