Child Maintenance Plea...

[acorns2010]

New on here but am trying find out how many other women maybe in my position. My husband left me with two small children and moved in with someone else. Initially he paid me maintenance but once our divorce was final he stopped all payments. I contacted CSA who told me he was saying he was unemployed and I couldn't have anything. I know he works everyday, he is self-employed and so there is no PAYE or wage slips to trace. I contacted the Inland Revenue and they just said he had put in a nil tax return and they would look into it. I never heard anything again, meanwhile I am working seven days a week and some evenings just to survive. After our family home was sold I was awarded what was left of the equity, after clearing debts he had built up against the mortgage, the equity wasn't enough to buy another house and I have used it to pay my rent and supplement my income He has paid me nothing since this point and says use what you got from the house. Meanwhile, he lives with his girlfriend who works full time and her two children who live with them are both working.
He always tells me he has no work but I know people he has done jobs for, I even saw him at a job this morning! He had two holidays in Greece last year and took his children to a BB in Wales for two rainy nights at the end of the school holidays. He just announced this week they are getting married, funny when her Mum only died in September and left her some money and part of a house! I just wondered if there are any other hard working mums out there who are getting nothing from the fathers of their children. I thought if I could get enough feedback I am going to try and lobby my MP to ask what the government intends to do about it, This is not a whinge I want to do something constructive and hopefully help some other hard working women!

Another mum not getting CM
It seems that men in 'good jobs' with proper paperwork can't avoid but if your ex is self employed you can forget CM basically

No you are definately not on your own. My ex left Xmas eve 8 years ago. He deliberately started working jobs which paid cash in hand so that he didn't have to pay the CSA, I have one DD by him, he has 3 other children.
I have had £70 from him in 8 years which was for trumpet lessons. I don't know where he lives but I do know where he drinks every weekend but apparantly that is not enough for the CSA.
I once received a letter from the CSA which was not for my DD once I opened it but for his eldest son, it said the amount he owed the CSA was £18,000+ and that was just for one child.
You would think that these men would actually want to pay for their children.

I have written to my local mp and e-mailed no10, only last week. Its all to common. So please do the same.
I might be mistaken but im pretty sure America takes a dim view of fathers not paying there way and so have steps in place to deal with it properly. What ever steps we have here, if any just don't seem to be working!

Same here. Ex is self-employed and declared a nil profit on his tax return. What annoys me is, what they hell do they think they're living off? Fresh air? If I have proof he has money coming in from somewhere then they would look into it, but how do I get the proof? He has 5 horses, 2 works vans, a new land rover.......and his business doesn't make any money? Aye right!

Eventually I just thought that it shows you just what he's like. Does anything to get out of paying for his own children - what kind of a man does that make him look like?

That and karma will come kick him in the butt one day - my kids aren't daft

They just don't give a fig, and the women they are living with should hang their heads in shame for condoning/ignoring enjoying the extra income for themselves so justify it to themselves Feckless Fathers eh!

I second your post MummieHunnie

Thank you for your comments so far...it makes me feel better to know there are other women in the same positions. I have a meeting with my MP
on the 4th Feb, he is currently finding out figures of how many mums are in our position and the cost to the tax payer. I am also researching Americas way of dealing with the problem, which seems far more effective. I shall be taking your comments as well and I do not intend to let this drop. As individuals we get fobbed off if we can find a voice together we might make a difference (fingers crossed!) Your comments have been brilliant and I particularly like the view that the new partners/gfs should "hang their heads in shame"
I am also writing to Frank Field re his drive on "feckless fathers", I want to try and get a meeting with him and my MP. If you have already spoken to your MP could you forward me the info of who it was and what they said.
I really appreciate everyone's help, it would also be good if we could talk to as many women as possible about this and get people on board to push the government to do something. Thx :)

What you need to do is gather evidence. If you have this evidence of an income you can appeal the original assessment (even though technically out of time I'm sure you'll be allowed to proceed in a tribunal.
No one can do anything without this evidence, but you can rest assured that once you get it they'll come down hard on him. The tribunal will take a guess at what his income was and he'll have to pay accordingly.
What is it that he does?

Also if you are working that hard just to keep your head above water, have you made sure you are claiming any benefits you are eligible for? I earn a good salary and do get maintenance from my self employed ex (but am still having to go to the CSA) and I'm eligible for working tax credit.

Phone and get an application form - you might be surprised. And yeah, he's a tosser but the sad reality is that the system will not track him down so you need to not let it ruin your life. Still feel sorry for you and your kids though.

Thank you for further comments..I survive okay and have claimed everything I can, the point is though that it isn't okay just to accept it. If we do that, nothing will change I am not that bothered for myself as we will survive but it is wrong, shouldn't be happening and i don't want it to still be happening in the future

other mums. I do intend to pursue this and if it has been sorted in America I don't see why something similar couldn't work here. The system is letting us down and needs changing if we don't stand up and shout about it who is going to?
All the comments are really useful and I will stress to my MP how everyone gives up fighting because the system beats you down!
Where is Keanu when you need him?? Matrix watch out! :o

I was in your situation for years..DD is now 19 but her add walked out when she was a baby..I never received a penny in maintenance as he claimed benefits himself..then when he was employed it was decided he did not have enough disposable income..then he married and lived off his wife..I had to watch him and his wife go off on exotic holidays whilst I didnt get a penny..then he had two children with her so was told he simply didnt earn enough..yet his wife was working, they bought new cars, had home improvements etc..now she is 19 she has little contact with him.

Hi Acorns :)

I am also in the same position as you. My son is now 16 years old, his father hasnn't paid anything for him all his life, even when we were together his money went on booze, while I paid for nappies, milk, food and bills! The CSA got involved in 2000 approx, I gave them all the information they needed, it took months of me calling them for anything to be done. Finally they got an attatchment of earnings as he refused to pay, I received one back payment of £400 and he packed his job in so he didn't have to pay. I won't go into everything as I'd be here all night:-D but he hasn't seen my son regular, the only time he did was when I had an injunction against him for a year and my mum took my son to him. After that he never turned up! We were all set to go to court to agree regular access and payments, which cost me £500 in court fees and he backed out days before, he'd not even been to a lawyer! He called me and said he was moving away and could only see him once a year, as my son was 6 I said he couldn't do that he neede stability, either see him regular or keep away until he's old enough to decide for himself. Anyway he gets in touch 3 years later and comes to see my son once a year on his birthday, meanwhile im still getting CSA letters saying he owes me nothing yet I know he's been working for himself since 2000. He also then buys a house further down our road, yet ignores him if he sees him in the street or in the local shop! On my sons 13th birthday he doesn't show up and hasn't since. I told the CSA to close the case a few years ago as was insulted with the NIL owed letters.

Now I find out he has married a Thai woman and they have a child, I was so angry, not that he's moved on as that doesn't bother me. What does bother me is he can sit in his nice house with plenty of cash, set up a new life and marry a woman making sure she and her son are provided for if they divorce, yet he can't provide and see the son he has! My poor son doesn't deserve that :( i've struggled all my life to provide for him, I was only 18 when I had him and i've sacrificed so he doesn't have to go without, yet his father has lived a single life with no worries for all my sons life! I was so angry I contacted the CSA, I didn't want him to get away with it and no that his other son would always have everything and my son have nothing from him. As you can guess it's now 3 months later and no further forward grrrr. I again have provided information, he's advertised on the website as having his own business at his address and previous address, proving he's been fiddling for 10 years! He was on CSA books as being on benefits, and now I realise he must have told them he shared access or I would have received a measley £5 a week, so he's lied about that too! How the hell do they get away with this? Why aren't they on his back, he's claimed benefits falsely so that's fraud and he's not paid maintenence either.

CSA say he has provided his income, I don't believe that unless he's fiddling it, yet nothing has been done for 3 months. This has to stop, I gave up on it years ago but I'm not laying down and taking it anymore. There are so many single parents in our situation and these men are taking the P out of us. We all have to make a stand, it's not acceptable and it's not right. I used to have the attitude that it wasn't worth the hassle, but it is, we have to fight for our children!

Rant over lol, hello everyone xxx

I know there is something that they can do, can't remember what it is called but read about it on here. Basically - as far as I remember - it's looking at their lifestyle and if it doesn't match up with the income they declare then they have to prove where the money is coming from.

You could find out about this.

I work somewhere where I see a lot of this, unfortunately its fairly common for someone to strategically go self employed and then claim a derisory income whilst enjoying a comfortable lifestyle.

One issue here is obviously tax avoidance which is a matter for the Inland Revenue to look into if they have evidence.

The question is how far do you want to pursue this and what evidence do you have?

I think its called a Variation, based on the fact that their income is not consistent with their lifestyle.

I have not heard of these actually being done, think the CSA is reluctant to do them and have heard of cases going to tribunals.

Yes, i too have never had any maintenance from DS2s dad..The CSA tried, but again - self employed.When i pointed out that he had just bought a BMW, dressed in designer gear and lived an extravagant life,always eating out etc they said "Ahh yes, he's one of those"...

They did mention something along the lines of 'observing' him, but i had to request it, and by then i had given up hope..That was 7 years ago, and i haven't heard from them since.

Case closed i presume.

I rang the CSA again today and suprisingly :-D they hadn't logged the call or passed it onto the person who was supposed to be calling me back yesterday. Again was promised a call back but not received!

I said that i'd given them all the information that showed he'd been working as self employed for the last 10 years and he said with it showing on their records as him being on benefits then it would be investigated by frauds, yet as far as I can see and been told they haven't done anything for the last few months to chase this up! It's disgusting:@

I gave up last time but i've had enough of men thinking they can get away with this. Why should children grow up watching their mothers struggle to bring them up. My father never paid a penny for me and neither did my sisters father, my mum worked 2 jobs to support us. Yes I admire her for it, but I remember going to school with holes in my jumper and shoes because my mum couldn't replace them straight away. How can these fathers just walk away and not care about their children? And how can my sons father have another child and give him everything and yet neglect his first son, who lives up the bloody road from him. No I won't give up this time, we should all keep fighting, it's not just the money its the principle and what's right for our children xx

Yes its called a variation, I read it yesterday on CSA website.

My ex has his own website advertising his business on the internet with his current address, he is also in the yeller online which shows him advertising both at his present and past address. I've seen him working on a house down the road from me, he has a transit van and owns his own house. He has employees, i've seen him getting cash from the cash machine and paying a young lad in hand from the local shop! And surely they can trace the information he gave when buying his house?

He also used to advertise in a shop in town and I knew the woman that worked there, he was bragging in the shop to someone that he made £300 a week and that was 10 years ago! He has always been a fiddler, wouldn't pay for tax and insurance on his motorbike, so i'm sure he's fiddling somewhere to make it look like he earns less than he does. Xx

Tempting to take an advert in the local paper stating they give you no support financially/no contact with their children, to shame them and show people what they are really like amoung their friends and family. My MIL worked as a secretary years ago and came across a fax from abroad from a mother and child asking/begging for money from the dad/husband, sent to one of the top smooth talking smooth living salesman. She never looked at him the same again. That woman must have been desperate.

From a previous job, that was nothing to do with this area. I can tell you that the single most effective thing you can do is get your MP to send a letter!! Seriously - you are highly likely to find that SUDDENLY - they actually have someone with a brain looking at it!!!

And if that doesn't work, go back to your MP and tell them, and I am pretty sure they can MAKE them respond!

Yes an advertisement does sound very tempting! These fathers are very coniving and they lie to those around them. His family and friends have been told a completely different story to the truth and seem to be under the impression that I've stopped him from seeing my son. My son has now seen for himself what his father is and no longer wants to see him. I dont get why they want to throw a relationship with their child away, just so they don't have to pay for them :(

I will definately write to my local MP, thanks for the advice :) The CSA system doesn't work in my eyes, they just seem to focus all their attention on the decent fathers who do pay for their children and want to be there for them, this is where it's all wrong. They should focus on those who dont provide only and I will make a point of that in my letter.

Yes same place as you guys.

I am fed up of what is going on, he was made redundent two years and is now fiddling to avoid paying anything.

He still sees our son at the moment but the times are changing to less hours each time he sees him. I am anticipating that he will soon bail completly and wont see our son.

Stupid thing is he thinks he is punishing me not our son.