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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

where do we go from here.

31 replies

spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 11:28

I have been seeing a by for 2 months and everything seemed to be going really well. He wad great with my kids we got along fantastically and everything was good. He is an avid fan of our local football team so out was no surprise to me when he said he wad going to Scotland to watch them in an away game. He came bk as planned, was good usual affectionate self and took me out to dinner as he had missed me so much. The following day I got a message on Facebook from his ex. There was no text just a copy of a receipt showing he had spent the weekend with her in southampton. I have confronted him and he had no choice but to tell the truth. He wants to make things good between us but im not sure if there is any going bk from this. We haven't been together that long, this is supposed to be the easy bit. I slide I could just do with some advice.

OP posts:
perfumedlife · 19/01/2011 11:35

I would walk away. Honestly, if he is lying and cheating at this stage, there is no hope. He clearly has some unfinished business, and doesn't seem to find lying difficult.

Don't walk away, run. Sorry.

lostsoulswimming · 19/01/2011 11:38

Run away!! Sorry Sad

wendihouse22 · 19/01/2011 11:39

You know the answer to this.

It means nothing but heartache for you, love.

Walk away. Quickly. And don't look back.

kallima · 19/01/2011 11:42

How horrible for you. What an arse.

I wouldn't ever speak to him again, let alone carry on seeing him.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 11:43

I feel like that.... He was txting me the whole time he was with her saying how much he missed me then came crawling back into my bed when he got home. It makes me feel physically sick and quite violated. I feel really humiliated too. Im just a bit crushed, everything felt so right with him and I thought we had a future together.

OP posts:
wendihouse22 · 19/01/2011 11:51

You have no future with this man.

You have tears and pain and missed opportunities with another (possibly) good man.

Don't waste your time. Hold your head up high and tell him it's finished.

kallima · 19/01/2011 11:52

It must hurt like hell. The only thing you can do is just concentrate like mad on the fact you couldn't have done anything to prevent this. This is his shit, not yours. At some point in the future you will be glad to find out what a selfish twat he is this early into the relationship.

And be proud that you know how to act like a decent human being.

xx

perfumedlife · 19/01/2011 12:02

spooky it's the awfulness of the forward planning that I could never forgive. He dreamt up the Scotland game as a fail safe excuse and texted you from her bed Sad

I know he may have seemed ideal, but that's what these shits do, put on their 'best' face and act wonderful. That's not the real them. She sounds utterly vile too. Fancy publicising her fling on facebook that she was a cheat?Confused

They have no class, you do. And, you would never trust him again. If you waste time on him, you may miss the real love who is out there waiting for you.

Treat yourself to something nice, pamper yourself and know that you are doing the right thing. You would tell a friend that too, yes?

wendihouse22 · 19/01/2011 12:03

Keep walking, girl!!

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 12:05

He is apparently willing to do anything to get me bk including sorting my garden....i can't tell u how tempting that offer is! Lol alas I think I better get my running shoes on. I feel so let down.

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perfumedlife · 19/01/2011 12:07

I know you will feel low but this is nothing to do with you lacking anything, it is simply that he is a cheat and a liar. Even if he had been honest and said he was struggling to get over his ex, it would have given you the choice in whether to stay or go. He deprived you of that choice.

He is not to be trusted.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 12:08

There are only a few reasons to stay and so many to leave. I can't shift feeling dirty... He slept with her then me. Im gonna have further the humiliation and get tested because his ex has been with loads of men since she split with him. I feel disgusting.

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perfumedlife · 19/01/2011 12:10

Oh you poor love. It's best to call and get an appointment now, than get peace of mind. And then get angry Angry He put you at risk, he lied, he cheated.

He has nothing going for him. Really.

holyShmoley · 19/01/2011 12:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RealityIsKnockedUp · 19/01/2011 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FreakoidOrganisoid · 19/01/2011 12:22

Oh Charlotte so sorry, best advice I can give for moving on is to face the reality (cheat, liar, twat etc)and don't dwell on what you hoped he would be. Does that make sense?

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 12:30

Thanks for the advice everyone. Hi reality, have had no internet but got a new mobile yesterday which has unlimited net access so im sorta back......just at a slow pace. Other than this we are all really well. I have booked a test. Couldn't get one for a few weeks but hopefully it will all be clear.god help them if its not. Thanks for being so nice. I feel such a fool for getting sucked in by his lies, and even worse that I introduced him to my kids. :(

OP posts:
RealityIsKnockedUp · 19/01/2011 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 12:55

Its dd mainly. She is only 2 and desperate for a dad. She met him 2 or 3 times but instantly took to him. Just hate letting her down. Im on speaking terms again with the children's dad so maybe its time he stepped up, I just don't think I can cope with his shit.

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wendihouse22 · 19/01/2011 13:37

You will be letting your little girl down IF YOU CONTINUE to allow this man to treat you with no respect.

She will be ok. So will you.

Be strong, love!!

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 19/01/2011 19:01

Thanks again for the kind words. It is nice to have support on here.

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mommmmyof2 · 20/01/2011 14:34

Just read this thread and thought i would ask how you were today?

Only I have known a few liars in my time, and as much as we all want them to change I just think some people never will!

I hope you decide to forget about him, but I no its not easy, Love never is :(

mummery · 20/01/2011 14:44

Hi Charlotte,

I had a similar experience. It could be the same guy (lol). My cheating ex told me he was in hospital and was really in Paris with his other GF.

I took him back and of course he continued shagging around.

You are clearly hurting and finding out via FB from the OW is pretty harsh as well. However, to put a positive spin on it, think yourself lucky you have found out, sooner rather than later.

Don't stay with him. He's a liar and a cheat. Be proud of yourself for teaching your DD that you can have high moral standards and not put up with that kind of crap.

She may have liked him but she is 2 and she will forget him quickly.

Know that you and dd deserve better :)

mommmmyof2 · 20/01/2011 15:25

My ex a long time ago now though (thank lord) told me he spent the night in a police cell as he was standing outside a house when the alarms were going off Hmm so like an idiot and young I believed him.

Few weeks later and more few weird things he dumped me through a text message!

I was very confused and devistated.Heard all sorts about what he had been up to but eventually I seen him at a party.He told me he had finished with me as his dad was dieing and needed space.

I felt so sorry for him, think his dad had a an illness, it was called HIS SON!

Dad still alive and found out he was sleeping with who he called his best friend.Moral of this story, there are liars and creeps out there who do not care who they hurt!

Original poster
spookycharlotte121 · 20/01/2011 16:57

He is starting to drive mad. He wont leave me alone telling me it was a mistake and that it will never happen again. It just feels like the whole of our relationship is based on lies. How can I ever trust anything he says again. He keeps saying that he wants to see me but right now thats the last thing I want. I just dont understand why he did it. He hasn't given me a reason. I need to finish with him but I dont really wanna do it over the phone but I dont want to see him either. Im sick of talking about of now. He did it and there is no undoing it. The more we talk the more details come out and I really dont wanna know anymore.

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