DH seems to think that having a mistress will solve all our problems

[DullWomenHaveImmaculateHomes]

And we've got a shit load of problems, sex is just one of them.

He thinks if he could have sex whenever he wants with someone else he'll be nicer to me and won't bother me for sex again. (I've not got a very high sex drive and I'm too damn tired half the time to even raise a smile).

I've told him that I don't want him to go anywhere near another woman because it won't ever be just about sex. Before long he'll be wanting to spend more and more time with her because she'll be 'less complicated' and 'more fun' and 'a better cook' (I'm just speculating here but I know what he's like)

He doesn't even have anyone in mind but as far as he's concerned there are 'loads of women out there' who would be up for a bit of no strings shagging. We live in the rural south west ffs. I don't know where he thinks they all are.

Not really asking for any advice or opinions, just needed to offload. We're fairly certain it's over and now he's just grasping at straws

SUperamoo, though your DD might be sad initially, it would be a lot better for her in the long run to be away from this man. Men who do not think women are peole make shitty fathers as well as shitty husbands: a father who is selfish and manipulative will manipulate and bully his DD and do her damage, especailly as she gets older and able to articulate her own opinions and answer back.

AF, yes things did get through. Secretly I knew what people were saying, but I was in denial & also didn't understand the extent to which things were wrong. I now live alone & we share DS almost 50/50, so things couldn't have worked out better, really. It's such a relief not having to have big arguments so often, or keep flipping towards feeling like 'we'll be okay, he still loves me' & 'oh God, I can't keep living like this', mixed in with 'DS is going to grow up thinking that this is how you treat people'.

OP, honestly. So many people know how you feel. You're not alone, but you do need to dig deep to find the strength required to get you & your DD away from this poisonous man. How long before he 'loves her so much' that he won't let her have any friends? Or criticises what she's eating because, heaven forbid, she might become unattractive to piggish men if she gets 'too big'. Or tries to undermine her relationship with you, because he doesn't want her influenced by such a 'mentally unstable slapper', or whatever? These things happen. Men with these attitudes do things like this. You can't allow your daughter to have this life.

when he suggested this as a viable option did you laugh in his face and say "who the fuck do you think is going to want a 2 minute shag with you?"

I'm back.
He's gone.
Feeling very and exhausted.
Thank you for all your messages. I'm not sure I could have stood my ground if I didn't have you lot in my head reminding me what it would be like if he stayed.

I need some time to collect my thoughts and do some crying but I'll be needing a whole load more advice soon.

I don't have many friends around here, so thank you again

But I think it was the right thing to do.

Hey dull, if you don't have much rl support, I'm in the south-west too. CAT me if you need help or a chat?

Thank you Ormirian
What's CAT?!

If I had a husband like yours, I think I'd definitely be looking for a mistress myself...

What a dick. Agree with what others have said here re getting out asap. For your baby's sake if not your own.

Dull - I'm in the rural SW too and can offer a listening ear if one's needed. CAT me if you like.

CAT is private message

press "message poster" in the blue line above a post

so sorry DWHIH, but you have done the right thing

he made it impossible for you to have a future together where you had any self respect at all

DWHIH, I know that you must feel terribly sad & drained & possibly even a little unsure of yourself right now. That will pass. The hardest bit of all of this will be the next couple of weeks - you'll be feeling raw & he may well try to convince you to take him back, because he'll be different this time. It will be tempting to try again. Just remember what you've already been through while with him, & think that every second of sadness you're feeling now would have to be felt again if you tried & failed to stay together. Keep strong. There's plenty of support here x

Bloody hell, good for you. That must have taken a lot of guts. Hope you're doing ok ? or at least, as well as can be expected ? in the circs.
Please keep us posted as to how you're doing.

Well done! You've shown courage and strength and self-respect by getting rid of the horrible man. You will be fine, everything's going to get steadily better now. ANd there is loads of support available on here and elsewhere.