Things you should do when getting over 'love of your life'

[madav]

After reading another thread and sympathising with the op (split up with her 'soul mate' - been there, am still going through it) there were a few suggestions about what she should do to get over it. I loved the one that said 'go out with some strong women, drink tequila and say fuck 'em .

Is there anything else anyone could suggest, cos I could do with a few ideas myself....

And don't hold back, it's my free weekend this weekend and I plan on making the most of it

@ Jasper - I strongly suggest that you refrain from passing judgement until you have all the facts. She had every right to ruin his life as he did hers and to be honest, I don't think she punished him enough. I would have extended it to several lifetimes .

SA

I was going to write something there, but decided not to. It would just descend into an argument I think.

Thanks to everyone who got what I meant anyway

whispers I like your thinking SA - just don't want to start a fight lol

@ Dogfish

If you are implying that she became obsessed with him after the breakup, then you are very much mistaken. She was not a bunny boiler, and it is insulting to perpetuate this label for women whose lives have been irreparably damaged by despicable men.

Please read this article to gain an insight into what I mean when I say that as a man, you will never truly grasp how valuable a this by making false promises deserve everything they get when they duplicitous intentions come to light.

SA

@ Madav - You are a much better woman than I. It is a huge pet peeve of mine that women are mistreated and instead of seeking retribution, they spend even more time cleaning up the mess while the man in question skips on to the next woman. Wash, rinse, repeat cycle. Why should they get away with it? surely they should be held accountable for their actions?

Apologies for ranting, but I was reading about King Con(he with the face only a mother could love) who managed to lie his way into thousands and thousands of trusting women's lives and managed to accumulate a total of £3m (not bad for an ageing man whore). I am outraged that all he got was a three year sentence. Outraged I tell you!!

Apologies Madav for hijacking your thread. I shall hop off my soapbox and try to think up of another helpful and practical suggestion.

SA

Taking any kind of revenge on someone who dumped you is fairly wanky. If the person did something illegal, seek justice of course (eg assault, fraud, theft from you) but if they just dumped you, let it go and move on.

In general, these things help: Look around for something to care about and absorb yourself in, whether that's art of some kind, travel or campaigning for a cause. Seek out fun with friends (like someone else said, a night on the piss with strong women is generally pretty good).
Ultimately, if you are mourning the loss of a particular individual, build yourself a mental picture of said individual in the most undignified circumstances you can imagine: even more effective if you can dredge up and build in every little thing the person did that annoyed you or showed him/her at less than his/her best. Envisage this person sitting on the loo, skiddy pants round ankles, unwashed hair, a zit or two and picking his/her nose, for instance.

Oooh, SGB, like that last paragraph. Wasn't really looking for retribution although I can understand why some women do - more a 'getting over, stuff him' type of thing.

I think most people got what I meant

The only things I can think of are fun, hugely rewarding but require you to invest a significant amount of time (1 year plus) so never mind. I still stand by my first suggesstion which is to read 'Eat, love and pray'. It is hilarious, insightful and could inspire you.

SA

It's awful gut wrenching stuff when a realtionship finishes with someone that you really loved, but my haphazard approach to getting over it was...cryed alot/did the odd bit of light stalking..got bored with that/talked to friends ALOT/re-discovered the joys of great night out with friends/and just a tad of totally unsuitable rendevous's with totally unsuitable boys men (lad in family guy t-shirt...you know who you are

Honestly, it does get better

Aw c'mon SA, spill. Why never mind? If they're fun and hugely rewarding surely they're worth hearing about?

at Antalya and lad in family guy t-shirt......

And I'll definitely look up Eat Love Pray

@ lad in family guy t-shirt...you know who you are.

Nice. I adore FG.

Madav, you are right, they are worth hearing about because they enabled me to overcome a really difficult time in my life. I did my 2nd degree under very difficult circumstances. My principal lecturer made it his life mission to ensure that I was kicked off the course. As a nerd, studying is to me what beating is to a heart, but had to pass practical examinations and this is where he tried to sabotage me (difficult to explain in a short paragraph). Needless to say, not only did I complete the course, but got a 1st! Seeing the look on that t*sspots face when he told me my final award was brilliant!

I will post more later on today.

SA

PS - If you do go the harmeless, fun, light flirting à la 'lad in FG t-shirt' route, then please let me know. I have the dirt on pheremones. Google "couplins, woman's essence and pheremones". I tried it once when I was going through a period of feeling extremely low, scruffy, anti-social, undesirable, isolated due to a recent move to London (did not know anyone) and just 'bleh'.

The reaction was quite interesting; men and women would strike up conversations (I am shy, so can be akward in social situations and therefore don't welcome or encourage them), or smile at me, men would flirt outrageously (I would be asked for my number at least twice a day ), or offer to help me with something (like luggage, or my male GP waived the fee for an examination and filling out some forms). It was bizzare but being constantly exposed to warmth, light-hearted random chats, laughter, acts of kindness, and flirtatious men really helped to shake off that ennui.

PPS - I am at work and there is hardly anything going on. Can you tell?

SA

or when my male GP waived the fee for an examination and filling out some forms

think I am probably in the minority, but a bit of mild revenge is hugely therapeutic for me! If I've been horribly treated, I will not just walk away...that's a mugs' game!

Have enjoyed mild/legal revenge in the past and anybody that takes the piss too much will get it. All you saints that walk away and live a good life...good luck, but not as much fun as a little contrived payback. I enjoy the plotting as much!

Can't understand people who have been fucked around who just walk away. Wish I could be that good but I just cant.

Well my mate's taking me out on Friday to cheer me up, so I might just go down the FG t-shirt guy route .

SA, the pheromones thing sounds really interesting - am going to Google now.

Fizzfiend, I think he got his comeuppance with no input from me whatsoever. Which is a bit sweeter because I believe what goes around comes around. And it did. Which is why I feel a bit sorry for him now.

And I've been putting SGB's advice into practice - the skid marked breeks round the ankles on the toilet made me laugh

Im a bit worried about SA's wiccan friend tbh, surely she is aware of "'An it harm none do as you will" or the rule of three?

Anyway, best of luck to all those going through this, Ive been there before, been totally devastated by heartbreak, it always seems so much harder to go through when you have kids you need to carry on normally for aswell.

Theres some lovely advice on this thread, wish I had seen something like this 10 years ago.

SA: The cases from your link are awful, but the whole system of buying and selling women like tins of beans is awful, and what would help these women and others like them is not looking for revenge on the individual men but working to dismantle the culture that treats women like this.

@ Madav

As promised, here is further information on that technique I spoke about earlier.

Chanting Mantras.

A brief background into how I started chanting mantras. Years ago, I was fascinated by scientific studies on the effects of sound on matter. These studies included the development of sonic weapons by the US government which can stop a human heart miles and miles away. As well as pseudo scientific experiments by a Japanese scientist who exposed water crystals to classical music and rock music. The former had a positive effect while the latter had a negative one.

Then one day I happened to watch the film based on Tina Turner?s life ?What?s love got to do with it? and noticed how significantly her life changed after she started chanting a famous Buddhist mantra. I started studying mantras from an Eastern religion point of view and discovered how extensively they are used for health, wealth, love, and so many other purposes (there is even a mantra for couples who want to conceive a certain type of child). More advanced mantras can even be used to kill or harm as well.

Anyway, I then purchased a couple of books and accompanying CD by the famous late Thomas Ashley-Farrand whose experiences and those of other people then inspired me to start chanting for the aforementioned purpose of getting through my degree course.

Want me continue on to the general 'feel good' mantras or have you slipped into a boredom induced coma , or considering getting this thread deleted?

SA my comments were derived from yours, namely

" I gather that she pretty much destroyed his life"

From that comment alone no wonder he dumped her

Jasper: Well, yes, vindictive morons often get dumped rapidly because it becomes obvious to their partners that they are spiteful and self-obsessed - unfortunately it's not always that easy to escape such a person even now we have anti-stalking laws.

SA, carry on. I don't see why I can't try something similar - it's non-invasive, won't affect anyone else and can be done in the privacy of my own home. Meets most of my criteria anyway . I have heard of the type of 'looking in the mirror, convincing myself I'm beautiful' type of mantras. I don't really need them. I know that I'm a good person, just fed up feeling a bit crappy and would like to get back to the 'normal' me......although I think my RL friends might consider that a contradiction in terms

Thanks for taking the time, and going into so much detail - it means a lot.

It doesn't sound to me as though he was the love of your life if you don't even understand why he finished the relationship and never thought he was serious when he asked you to marry him. It doesn't sound as though you communicated well at all.
I have generally got over men by just telling myself that if he didn't want to be with me then we obviously aren't suited. It sounds as though it was as well you didn't take this man's proposals seriously as you would have been sorting out a divorce, not just a relationship break up.
I don't do revenge, particularly when all this guy has done is fall out of love with you. Talking about him "breaking the kids' hearts" sounds melodramatic. Perhaps in future underplay your relationships to them until you do decide to get married so they don't get too attached to your boyfriends or start seeing them as father figures. I doubt you seriously would have wanted this bloke who isn't the kids father to remain with you if he doesn't love you just to keep them happy.
I would stop thinking about him, using thought blocking, tell yourself you never really communicated well and obviously weren't right for each other and move on.

hey madav - i remembered some sage wisdom for you. try to be phillosophical about the break up and tell yourself that from every relationship however bad they are, you learn something new about yourself. from this relationshp (i am just speculating not presuming to know) it might be that you have learned that you can enjoy a dating/getting to know a man and all of that after a long marriage or divorce etc. it might be that it made you feel young and carefree again or it might even be that on hindishgt you realise that geting x y or z out of a relationship makes you really happy but having to deal with a b or c really didn't work for you. hipe that made sense